When do you say something, and when do you keep quiet?

Hell yes.

This is going to end badly one way or another. I'd rather have it in front of me at the beginning to minimize the damage and hurt feelings that will inevitably occur on one side or the other.

Cheers,
Mazo. Originally Posted by Mazomaniac

Without a doubt. The bitch is crazy and nothing good will come from any course of action other than terminating the relationship with the understudy ASAP.

Without a doubt. The bitch is crazy and nothing good will come from any course of action other than terminating the relationship with the understudy ASAP. Originally Posted by TexTushHog

gosh... i think D&T has taken a new "low" again. Rock Bottom? I`d say so.

At the very least, Mistress #1 must have felt a little threatened by the email from Mistress #2. AND Mistress #2 must have gotten a little urging from Sugar Daddy to initiate a little competitive spirit. Therefore, Mistress #1 should share the email with Sugar Daddy without comment and let him decide if it is worthy of concern or dismissal. Mistress #1 should also address her feelings of insecurity with Sugar Daddy and perhaps update her resume....just in case.

At the very least, Mistress #1 must have felt a little threatened by the email from Mistress #2. AND Mistress #2 must have gotten a little urging from Sugar Daddy to initiate a little competitive spirit. Therefore, Mistress #1 should share the email with Sugar Daddy without comment and let him decide if it is worthy of concern or dismissal. Mistress #1 should also address her feelings of insecurity with Sugar Daddy and perhaps update her resume....just in case. Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

Lol@resume

Even when all my time is taken up by arrangements, I've always been terrified of pulling my site down... Just in case. The thought of starting over from scratch a third time is most unsettling.

Tough call, Lauren. I may be split about what to do as well. However, I do not particularly enjoy being the contrarian in the room- but I would likely hit delete, and let it go. We all must learn our lessons, sometimes even the hard way. The house of cards will eventually topple down with the slightest breath of air, anyway- with a person of such character! I'll throw a little bit of "Tennessee" out for you to catch... "A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace." Difficult to follow, and scares me to death, but I believe Mr. Williams to be correct and rather applicable. Originally Posted by Claudia Cole

Well said, Claudia. Forwarding it shows insecurity. Even if Lauren's friend was being replaced, and the lady was right, arrangements like these are supposed to begin, proceed, and conclude with no drama. The reason he picked her was her ability to understand, and not bring drama into his life. She must now be secure with that.

As far as making him aware of her character, ask him what he likes about her. HE might be drawn to the dramatic firecracker she is, and if she's as dramatic as she seems judging from the email, he may be aware of her capabilities, or her motivation to be all he needs. A woman like that sees your picture, and makes a funny face. He knows the game she's playing. If he believes her to be this 'angel' and he's just completely enamored by her, she has the choice of making him understand the difference between herself and the other lady. Or tell him she feels this will not work, especially if the two will have to interact. If he's in love, the friend looks like the shit-starter. If he has an open mind to who she is, he may not care about the email. If he values the arrangement with the friend, he will kick the understudy to the curb for being messy. It's all about how he views the relationship, really.

Well said, Claudia. Forwarding it shows insecurity. Even if Lauren's friend was being replaced, and the lady was right, arrangements like these are supposed to begin, proceed, and conclude with no drama. The reason he picked her was her ability to understand, and not bring drama into his life. She must now be secure with that.

As far as making him aware of her character, ask him what he likes about her. HE might be drawn to the dramatic firecracker she is, and if she's as dramatic as she seems judging from the email, he may be aware of her capabilities, or her motivation to be all he needs. A woman like that sees your picture, and makes a funny face. He knows the game she's playing. If he believes her to be this 'angel' and he's just completely enamored by her, she has the choice of making him understand the difference between herself and the other lady. Or tell him she feels this will not work, especially if the two will have to interact. If he's in love, the friend looks like the shit-starter. If he has an open mind to who she is, he may not care about the email. If he values the arrangement with the friend, he will kick the understudy to the curb for being messy. It's all about how he views the relationship, really. Originally Posted by Tiffani Jameson

I wholeheartedly agree to this POV.

I think you gave the right advice, Lauren. If I were the man in the situation, I would definitely want to know that that was going on. Whenever multiple lovers/partners are involved together, it's essential that you're only becoming involved with people who can handle it and treat the others respectfully. It's a rule, for me at least, as a polyamorist, that I would only get involved with someone who could handle me having other people in my life and be kind to them. So if one person I was seeing sent an email like that to another, I think I'd actually feel betrayed if the recipient didn't tell me about it. The dynamics of a mistress/escort/client relationship aren't necessarily the same, but I would hope that the same respect for people's feelings exist. I would imagine the man would want to be informed, and I think he deserves to be.

another thought, Natalie: since we all agree the guy needs to be informed, i am sure you all agree too that if we have knowledge of a situation and someone else does not we need to inform people? What if we have clients that are married and the wive does not know they cheat? How do you justify informing one person for some email and the other one not, because it comes in handy financially?

So the interesting question: How do you make a distinction? I`d say: Paid context - keep your mouth shut. The sugardaddy has no more right to information than any other married person`s partner has. Because he PAYS for discretion. So all providers should be discreet. And no one should forward emails. Because its part of a JOB not to. The new mistress made a mistake, she behaved stupid for whatever reason, so i`d say all of us behaving in the same way is not justifying our behaviour. We as mistresses have to be discreet. I am not sayin I would be discreet, i am the first one to send the guy that email. And to answer to the mistress. But i am posing a general question here? How much "right" does one have to be informed? Where does it start and where does it end?

Especially in our job we have to learn to be more discreet. I had escorts shouting out private information about themselves and other providers in no time and it endagers everyone. Same did clients. We all have to learn to be more discreet. I was myself the victim of some big fat indiscreetion of a client turned lover as i mentioned above. And it hurt me very badly. It took me years to recover from that Trauma. And i am talking about every freaking little detail of your sexual preferences discussed, via your polyamorous attitude being degraded over to mentioning private details to other providers and being scapegoated by some wife for doing things you never did, via handing out your real name to other providers with references to your current homepage and artist name (and all in the name of "love" of course - because i am THAT interesting to even talk with other providers about - :-(((......). Its simply disgusting. I don`t wish that to anyone else to happen. So when in doubt - better stay silent :-). Its just mistresses not real relationships. Game over for provider one. Sad but true. And on this note i wish clients would be more discreet too. Its a two way street.

So the interesting question: How do you make a distinction? I`d say: Paid context - keep your mouth shut. The sugardaddy has no more right to information than any other married person`s partner has. Because he PAYS for discretion. So all providers should be discreet. And no one should forward emails. Because its part of a JOB not to. . Originally Posted by ninasastri

Post of the month.

Remember advice this ladies and you will be a success.

And on this note i wish clients would be more discreet too. Its a two way street. Originally Posted by ninasastri

Agreed

another thought, Natalie: since we all agree the guy needs to be informed, i am sure you all agree too that if we have knowledge of a situation and someone else does not we need to inform people? What if we have clients that are married and the wive does not know they cheat? How do you justify informing one person for some email and the other one not, because it comes in handy financially?

So the interesting question: How do you make a distinction? I`d say: Paid context - keep your mouth shut. The sugardaddy has no more right to information than any other married person`s partner has. Because he PAYS for discretion. So all providers should be discreet. And no one should forward emails. Because its part of a JOB not to. The new mistress made a mistake, she behaved stupid for whatever reason, so i`d say all of us behaving in the same way is not justifying our behaviour. We as mistresses have to be discreet. I am not sayin I would be discreet, i am the first one to send the guy that email. And to answer to the mistress. But i am posing a general question here? How much "right" does one have to be informed? Where does it start and where does it end?

Especially in our job we have to learn to be more discreet. I had escorts shouting out private information about themselves and other providers in no time and it endagers everyone. Same did clients. We all have to learn to be more discreet. I was myself the victim of some big fat indiscreetion of a client turned lover as i mentioned above. And it hurt me very badly. It took me years to recover from that Trauma. And i am talking about every freaking little detail of your sexual preferences discussed, via your polyamorous attitude being degraded over to mentioning private details to other providers and being scapegoated by some wife for doing things you never did, via handing out your real name to other providers with references to your current homepage and artist name (and all in the name of "love" of course - because i am THAT interesting to even talk with other providers about - :-(((......). Its simply disgusting. I don`t wish that to anyone else to happen. So when in doubt - better stay silent :-). Its just mistresses not real relationships. Game over for provider one. Sad but true. And on this note i wish clients would be more discreet too. Its a two way street. Originally Posted by ninasastri

The escort who wrote the nasty letter was not the one paying for discretion. So I don't think your analogy of outing a client to his wife is applicable. Yes, if you outed a client you would be betraying the person paying you, but I don't agree that they're analogous situations. Also, without knowing the details of this particular relationship, my impression was that the mistress/man relationship is not simply escort/client, and for that reason I believe the rules are less cut and dry. If I had a patron whom I had known for years and years, traveled the world with and respected a great deal, I imagine it might be difficult (and not necessarily beneficial) for me to keep something like this to myself. If it was a guy I had met once or twice, sure, hit delete and ignore it—but for someone I knew well and had spent a lot of time with, I think I would feel quite conflicted about *not* informing him of behavior that I believe was as ultimately disrespectful to him—more so than anyone else. And I truly believe if I was the man in question, I would want to know about it.

I'm quite surprised that the escort did this over email to someone she didn't know at all!

Thinking about it more, if the mistress did nothing, I'm sure the escort would be wondering about it constantly. I wonder if she regretted it immediately after she hit send—I can't imagine she didn't second-guess herself? To do nothing would probably be, in a sense, the best "revenge." Other people have said in this thread that the lady would show her true colors eventually.

I can definitely see both sides. I've made plenty of dumb mistakes and said dumb things, and try to be forgiving when people are rude to me when it's a sensitive situation (particularly one involving money, sex and/or love). Without knowing the exact dynamic of these people, or even precisely what the email said, I'm not certain how i'd handle it. Though I guess I do still sway toward the point that the man would probably want to know about it, and I feel the mistress's loyalty should lie with him.

The escort who wrote the nasty letter was not the one paying for discretion. So I don't think your analogy of outing a client to his wife is applicable. Yes, if you outed a client you would be betraying the person paying you, but I don't agree that they're analogous situations. Also, without knowing the details of this particular relationship, my impression was that the mistress/man relationship is not simply escort/client, and for that reason I believe the rules are less cut and dry. If I had a patron whom I had known for years and years, traveled the world with and respected a great deal, I imagine it might be difficult (and not necessarily beneficial) for me to keep something like this to myself. If it was a guy I had met once or twice, sure, hit delete and ignore it—but for someone I knew well and had spent a lot of time with, I think I would feel quite conflicted about *not* informing him of behavior that I believe was as ultimately disrespectful to him—more so than anyone else. And I truly believe if I was the man in question, I would want to know about it.

I'm quite surprised that the escort did this over email to someone she didn't know at all!

Thinking about it more, if the mistress did nothing, I'm sure the escort would be wondering about it constantly. I wonder if she regretted it immediately after she hit send—I can't imagine she didn't second-guess herself? To do nothing would probably be, in a sense, the best "revenge." Other people have said in this thread that the lady would show her true colors eventually.

I can definitely see both sides. I've made plenty of dumb mistakes and said dumb things, and try to be forgiving when people are rude to me when it's a sensitive situation (particularly one involving money, sex and/or love). Without knowing the exact dynamic of these people, or even precisely what the email said, I'm not certain how i'd handle it. Though I guess I do still sway toward the point that the man would probably want to know about it, and I feel the mistress's loyalty should lie with him. Originally Posted by Natalie

I still think my analogy was right, because as far as i am concerned a mistress/client relationship (that was what was portrayed here) is still within a paid context. What the new mistress did was not right, but informing the gent about this, is about the same standard of habit like she did, its not different. And since the point of this thread seems to be to portray how nasty one person is and how correct the other one is supposedly to behave, i`d say you can`t complain about one person`s behaviour when you give advices that do the same she does.

It does not matter that the escort who wrote the nasty letter was not paying for dicreetion. Because it matters in what context mistress 1 is acting. And she was paid. So it matters how she behaves within that context. If some wife writes you a nasty letter because of her husband, would you also react like a girlfriend or would you rather react like a paid mistress. The reactions people have according to mistress 1 should not justify her exiting her "contract".JUst because mistress 2 was unprofessional and overstepped a boundary for whatever reason, does not mean mistress 1 does have to do the same. What matters is that mistress one is getting paid for discretion and just because the relationship ended for whatever reason does not mean the contract is ended. You enter within a certain contract and you exit it the same. That is why, e.g., in most companies that involve some kind of company secrets, you are not even allowed to enter a similar contract with a similar company for the exact same reason (most of the time you have to wait a year to be able to enter a similar relationship with a new company for the reasons that the "secrets" you know are "old news" by then and can`t harm anyone anymore. Plus, you are advised always to be discreet. No matter if someone starts a fight.)

Plus, when catering to your point of argument you could say that wives also don`t pay for discretion, do they? So the argument of loyalty is a rather phoney one, because who are you really loyal to? The gent? Your position as new mistress? His wife? His new mistress? You still don`t have a "private" relationship with them. I once outed a man to his wife, but that was because we had a private relationship and he messed with me big time, so did his wife. So they deserved it. Had i been his mistress, such behaviour would have been outrageous. But i have been private and it was my right to make a point.


Plus, dear Natalie, you don`t know why mistress 2 wrote that letter. Lauren stated herself, she does not have sufficient information and it`s telltale second hand or even third hand informations. I seriously doubt that anyone, and i mean anyone, would ever write such a letter without at least some background story. The conditons of craziness do not apply to so many people, that is, when they do it most likely makes headlines in newspapers, because it`s so rare to see someone that lunatic. So the argument that she is crazy is very likely invalid. That said, if it is, then we all must be crazy. (what if gent paid her for writing such a letter? Could also be)

On the contrary, most people have reasonable arguments, and as i have pointed out here as well in other posts, who knows what agendas mistress 1 has? Maybe its her playing games as well? Sounds at least worth a thought.

pps: people`s true colours vary within circumstances. I am very sure all of us have many colours. There are not only good versus bad people. So i agree with you when you state that without knowing the exact dynamics you are not sure on how to handle that.

I still think my analogy was right, because as far as i am concerned a mistress/client relationship (that was what was portrayed here) is still within a paid context. What the new mistress did was not right, but informing the gent about this, is about the same standard of habit like she did, its not different. And since the point of this thread seems to be to portray how nasty one person is and how correct the other one is supposedly to behave, i`d say you can`t complain about one person`s behaviour when you give advices that do the same she does.

. Originally Posted by ninasastri

I concur...what it boils down to is does one choose to be a professional or an amateur?

Amateurs would open up that can of worms where as a pro might just think it through. The client is a big boy, he'll live and learn. Crap like that don't hurt him one way or the other, you just hurt yourself acting unprofessional.

It's like hitting a soft 20, you might still win but you are showing what a true amateur you really are at blackjack. Nobody like seeing those kinda hits, especially a good client.

I like the analogy WTF. Fits.

Great advice...It could be that new woman is just trying to stir drama up and the first lady should just save the email and see what happens...all you can do is be there for her...

If I were the gent in question I would prefer the lady delete the note. Eventually the understudy would show her true nature and that would be that. I would like to think that if I had a "mistress" type of arrangement that a newcomer would not be able to affect it. Originally Posted by discreetgent

I still think my analogy was right, because as far as i am concerned a mistress/client relationship (that was what was portrayed here) is still within a paid context. What the new mistress did was not right, but informing the gent about this, is about the same standard of habit like she did, its not different. And since the point of this thread seems to be to portray how nasty one person is and how correct the other one is supposedly to behave, i`d say you can`t complain about one person`s behaviour when you give advices that do the same she does. Originally Posted by ninasastri

I don't agree that they're the same—choosing to attack someone via email is not the same as forwarding it. Furthermore, the escort didn't just insult/threaten the mistress, but saying she would "steal" the gentleman is what would complicate the situation for me. This degrades and dehumanizes him, treats him like an ATM, and implies that he's not strong enough to make his own decisions in regard to whom he spends time with (hence his ability to be "stolen"). Personally, if someone was saying things like that about me, and I had still had the intention to pay them in the future for their company, I believe I'd feel quite betrayed by my mistress not telling me.

The only times I have been a "mistress," as I define the word, we were quite close and had a relationship that bore a somewhat loose resemblance to what I would consider a client/escort relationship. These are individuals I would email close to daily, travel with, and in some cases even meet their family members. I am nearly positive that any man I was mistress to would have found it inappropriate for me to keep this information to myself—just as a "civie" boyfriend would. Mistress relationships sort of walk the line, and where the line is exactly fluctuates with each couple. As it's been pointed out many times in this thread, not a single person here knows the whole story (even the people involved probably don't know the story from every side!), and so I can only speak from my personal experience.

It does not matter that the escort who wrote the nasty letter was not paying for dicreetion. Because it matters in what context mistress 1 is acting. And she was paid. So it matters how she behaves within that context. If some wife writes you a nasty letter because of her husband, would you also react like a girlfriend or would you rather react like a paid mistress. The reactions people have according to mistress 1 should not justify her exiting her "contract".JUst because mistress 2 was unprofessional and overstepped a boundary for whatever reason, does not mean mistress 1 does have to do the same. What matters is that mistress one is getting paid for discretion and just because the relationship ended for whatever reason does not mean the contract is ended. You enter within a certain contract and you exit it the same. That is why, e.g., in most companies that involve some kind of company secrets, you are not even allowed to enter a similar contract with a similar company for the exact same reason (most of the time you have to wait a year to be able to enter a similar relationship with a new company for the reasons that the "secrets" you know are "old news" by then and can`t harm anyone anymore. Plus, you are advised always to be discreet. No matter if someone starts a fight.)

Plus, when catering to your point of argument you could say that wives also don`t pay for discretion, do they? So the argument of loyalty is a rather phoney one, because who are you really loyal to? The gent? Your position as new mistress? His wife? His new mistress? You still don`t have a "private" relationship with them. I once outed a man to his wife, but that was because we had a private relationship and he messed with me big time, so did his wife. So they deserved it. Had i been his mistress, such behaviour would have been outrageous. But i have been private and it was my right to make a point.

I believe your loyalty, within reason, should be to the person paying you. Which is why, if I thought seeing the email was in his best interest, I would have done what Lauren advised.

I was mistress to a man whose wife found out about our relationship. She emailed me to talk about and I asked how he felt about me responding before I did so. My loyalty was to him, so if he was the one paying me for discretion, I wasn't going to step out of that unless he was comfortable with it. I see what you're saying about the importance of discretion and I completely agree—in fact, I believe that's probably the most worthwhile reason to pay an escort rather than date. However, I don't think forwarding the email broke the contract of discretion between the mistress and the guy. I believe she was acting out of loyalty to him; again, just my opinion based on my own experience with these blurred-lines relationships.

Plus, dear Natalie, you don`t know why mistress 2 wrote that letter. Lauren stated herself, she does not have sufficient information and it`s telltale second hand or even third hand informations. I seriously doubt that anyone, and i mean anyone, would ever write such a letter without at least some background story. The conditons of craziness do not apply to so many people, that is, when they do it most likely makes headlines in newspapers, because it`s so rare to see someone that lunatic. So the argument that she is crazy is very likely invalid. That said, if it is, then we all must be crazy. (what if gent paid her for writing such a letter? Could also be)

I don't even necessarily think the people making headlines are complete lunatics living in a vacuum; as with Mistress/Escort/Gentleman, we don't know their whole story either. I know at least a few a people in the world think I'm crazy (probably many more would if I disclosed more information about myself!). The point, for me, of forwarding the email wouldn't be so much to punish the escort or declare her a psycho, but more out of consideration with how her feelings and actions might make the guy in question feel. If I cared about him a lot, I would probably feel a sense of loyalty urging me to share the email. Maybe not, though—again, none of us were there. Maybe the mistress is just another lady using him for his money, and doesn't care at all.

On the contrary, most people have reasonable arguments, and as i have pointed out here as well in other posts, who knows what agendas mistress 1 has? Maybe its her playing games as well? Sounds at least worth a thought.

pps: people`s true colours vary within circumstances. I am very sure all of us have many colours. There are not only good versus bad people. So i agree with you when you state that without knowing the exact dynamics you are not sure on how to handle that.

You're very right; we've all answered with what limited information we have.