On the side.

al,

let me give you some advice here. i understand your frustrations, i think many of us here have ended up here EXACTLY how you have - no sex at home. mostly, we all desired to stay with our kids regardless of the wife situation. that's good for you ...

i can tell you that my ex has mental issues - physical and emotional. more women than i ever realized have had a traumatic experience regarding sex prior to meeting their spouse - many times a violent and underage experience. makes me want to execute all molesters and rapists immediately, but i digress.

i spent YEARS with her in therapy, and years with her trying psychiatric medicines. it doesn;t work for everyone. one drug ... after about 3 weeks on it, my ex rolled me over one night in the middle of the night and fucked my brains out - the kind of sex we all dream about. the next morning when i spoke to her about it, she was in disbelief that she felt that way and stopped taking it. wtf ... basic end of relationship for me at that point.

you do what you have to do but ...

1) start documenting the shit out of her behavior, even to the point of recording/videotaping.

2) be prepared to be in a fight of a divorce. i wasn;t and everyone was amazed. but i was ready.

3) make a very honest assessment of where you are and where you want to be in life. if you are going to make a break, break for true happiness, not just a warm wet pussy.

good luck.

UGH!!! Another example of the bullshit I deal with happened today. I'm working nights right now and I woke up at 1PM. The kids weren't home. My wife was on the recliner sleeping, as usual, and doing jack-shit. She said "I have a headache. I just want to rest." Which, amazingly, her headaches only appear when there is work or sex to be done. She did look smoking hot laying there though. SHIT!!! She's 40 and looks 25. SUCKS!!! Anyway, I go to my parent's house where my kids are and my mom says "She dropped them off because she had work to do in the house". LOL!!!!! I didn't say anything to my mom but this is typical.

Also, I know I'm a hypocrite, OK. The thing is, I DON"T WANT TO CHEAT!!!! I F-CKING HATE THAT I"M A CHEATER!!! The fact that she puts me in this situation makes me resent her even more. I love the intimacy of being with someone you know. As I said earlier, I don't like change. I also don't care much for variety. When I see a new provider I'm usually nervous and the experience isn't as good as when it's with someone I've seen before. I would rather see one woman regularly. That includes providers. Of course, with providers, that is hard to accomplish because of their travel schedule, the way they suddenly disappear from the hobby, their rates and my job situation. Ideally, if I'm forced to rely on just providers, I want the same one every time. I feel it adds to the experience and sometimes you can kind of build a friendship (as close a friendship as possible when the only reason they're seeing you to begin with is for cash that is, not that I blame them. It's their job.)

Now that school is over and baseball is over and the schedule is somewhat clear, I've decided that on Sunday, if things work out, I'll confront her again about the cleaning and about sex. Last time I did, she said I thought we decided this already. I was like "Uh, OK. What exactly did we decide?" She didn't answer. I asked her when will we have sex again. At first she said never, then wouldn't commit. and flip-flopped. When I ask her this time, I'll tell her "Think really hard before you answer. You say never and I will IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone to f-ck. Guaranteed. I'm not waiting a f-cking year or longer for a divorce. I've waited long enough." I want to see how she responds to that kind of bluntness. I know some of you think she's cheating. It WOULD seem that way. But knowing what I know, I still find that hard to believe. Nothing's impossible though. Originally Posted by albundy

Wow. Ok, this is just a NO. Scarlet's point is that you are responsible for your choices, she for hers. Fact is, you chose to be a cheater. Now, that is not a condemnation, but a fact.

EVERYONE cheats for the same reason. They have decided to cheat.

You looked at your situation, you decided to stay and to cheat. I'm not saying that is a bad decision. But it is your decision.

Do NOT tell her that if she doesn't fuck you then you will fuck someone else. THAT will lead to more money for your divorce lawyer.

What I recommend is you make a life choice. An adult decision that is yours and yours alone. If you cannot continue to live in a sexless marriage and cheat, then confront her and tell her that you need to go to counseling with her and she needs to commit to working on this with you. If she does not agree, then DO NOT THREATEN her with divorce, or adultery or anything else.

Just tell her "I'm very sorry that you don't fee our marriage is worth fighting for" and then start the leaving process. Document all of the financial, DO snoop re: her cheating, and pick your time. Start saving up money. You'll need about $2 - $5K to really get a start. Less if you can move in with a friend/relative.

Don't bring it up again. You have to respect her answer, but you don't have to live with it. You get to make your own decisions and she gets to make hers. Don't beg, but be fair and give her the opportunity.

The way forward is hard, no matter what. But make it a path of your chosing and own that choice.

Good luck mate. Even though you walk alone on a new path, your path, many have walked a similar walk. There is a better tomorrow but that is up to you to take it.

Al,
There's nothing more lonely than laying next to someone every night and feeling the distance between you both. I've been there and will never go back. If I had to guess your wife has something on the side. I say that from experience as I was involved with a married woman for 10 years stright. We both were filling a void in our own marriage. Her husband never knew. You need to man up and confront the situation head on. What your doing is a dead end for all involved. Eventually she's going to get tired of living a lie to and you're going to be left alone anyway. So you might as well get things moving to do something about it now on your terms. Going out and getting laid is not the answer. Get some professional help. Everybody deserves to be happy. If you can't do that at least get out and talk to somebody over a beer and get things out in the open, even just to clear your head. I'll buy you that beer if you need to talk.

Good luck in what ever direction you go.

For you married guys whose wives are not giving you any nookie and you are sticking around, it all boils down to this you can say you don't want to break up the family or whatever, but really it's that if you divorce her and she takes half then you really won't be getting any nookie. Women are different from men in many ways. A women will divorce you and take half then proceed to devout herself to the kids without even thinking about getting some then she is labeled a "strong, independent woman". The man she divorced is still thinking with his dick, but now he's broke and can't afford to get any! In conclusion, it seems that some married guys staying with their wives are in a cuckold situation - his wife is holding his balls and isn't even cheating on him and the man is stuck cause he needs the $$ to either pay his escort, date his sugar baby or hit the local bars to find that easy chick that will take him home for the evening! Now keep in mind that if the guy divorced his wife and by some slim chance she wanted to get some dick - she wouldn't have to spend a dime cause there will always be some hard legged monger waiting in the wings to buy her dinner and fill her up with her favorite alcoholic beverage unlike her ex who can barely scrape by on what is left over after the attorney fees, spousal and child support payments.

Do NOT tell her that if she doesn't fuck you then you will fuck someone else. THAT will lead to more money for your divorce lawyer.

What I recommend is you make a life choice. An adult decision that is yours and yours alone. If you cannot continue to live in a sexless marriage and cheat, then confront her and tell her that you need to go to counseling with her and she needs to commit to working on this with you. If she does not agree, then DO NOT THREATEN her with divorce, or adultery or anything else.

Just tell her "I'm very sorry that you don't fee our marriage is worth fighting for" and then start the leaving process. Document all of the financial, DO snoop re: her cheating, and pick your time. Start saving up money. You'll need about $2 - $5K to really get a start. Less if you can move in with a friend/relative.

Don't bring it up again. You have to respect her answer, but you don't have to live with it. You get to make your own decisions and she gets to make hers. Don't beg, but be fair and give her the opportunity.

The way forward is hard, no matter what. But make it a path of your chosing and own that choice.

Good luck mate. Even though you walk alone on a new path, your path, many have walked a similar walk. There is a better tomorrow but that is up to you to take it. Originally Posted by Longdongstrong

Best Advice I've seen on here. When you said you were going to give her the ultimatum Sunday I thought "oh boy--Bad idea. now she's going to have the ammo to nail your hide to the wall."
If it's as disastrous financially as you say then she should know that too and won't want it. She may very well decide putting out occasionally is the better option. But live your life, man. I like the poster that said let her see you flirting with women. Look and feel confident about yourself and your actions. She may get jealous. But right now you're giving her everything she wants and getting nothing that you want. Marriage is give and take--not all give and not all take.
(Still can't believe we're giving marriage advice on this site;-) )
BTW--did you give her the ultimatum? Or at least have The Talk?

I vote to put this Thread in the Men's Hall of Fame! Originally Posted by ilovethemgirls68

+10000
I've met u before Albundy & I hope all works out for you. You're an awesome guy & any woman would be a fool to miss out on u!
Kisses,
Gia

Thank you, Gia. You were extremely sweet and a blast to meet, pretty lady! Glad to see you're back. I was hoping nothing bad happened to you when you disappeared from here. Again, thanks for the kind words.

As for confronting her on Sunday, like usual, something came up for Monday morning and I keep telling myself I'll do it when the calendar for the kids is clear. I know I'm just putting it off though. Anyway, this thread is probably way past the expiration date. If I do confront her soon, I'll post about it if anyone cares.

Again, thanks to all of the responses.

I vote to put this Thread in the Men's Hall of Fame! Originally Posted by ilovethemgirls68

+ 1000000000
Anyone of our lives.

I also agree with LDS, he gave you the most sound and SANE advice. Good luck with your choice, Al.

What's the use in confronting her about getting some pussy when you have done it in the past and came out with same results. What if she pulls a wild card and asks for a divorce. Then you will have to quickly change your tune cause like I said before she'll take half your shit and you'll end up with no $$ to get any pussy. Why is there even a need for confrontation? She knew when she got married that she was required to perform her wifely duties.

+1
A confrontation will mean it's time to lay down your cards. I have heard from many guys who got divorced and many have said they wish they would have planned it out and put some money on the side before the confrontation.
Now a discussion on ways to reignite the romance is another way to approach the gap between y'all.

What's the use in confronting her about getting some pussy when you have done it in the past and came out with same results. What if she pulls a wild card and asks for a divorce. Then you will have to quickly change your tune cause like I said before she'll take half your shit and you'll end up with no $$ to get any pussy. Why is there even a need for confrontation? She knew when she got married that she was required to perform her wifely duties. Originally Posted by bistraight69

whether or not you cheated makes ZERO difference in the divorce process. At least money wise. The other side can get a divorce faster (if they prove it which she can't even if she has a recording of you saying it - that is not enough proof). You may piss her off and she may grind you harder - but she has to pay her attorney - so that is limited.

MAN!!! I took the kids to my in-laws' house and my ball and chain's sister was outside, oiled up in a small bikini with her beautiful Man Mades practically bursting out. She's about two years younger than my wife (late-30's). My wife has the prettier face and has a nice figure, but her sister is pretty hot with an unbelievable body! Sister-in-law is the type that can't hold onto a job and guys are more than willing to keep giving her money and keep coming back for more abuse. Anyway, she walks around the house in shirts, with no bra, and LOW necklines and you can easily see down her shirt. One time, I walked past the bathroom and the door was open and she was in there NUDE brushing her hair. She's like "Whoops" and closes the door. Now, I know she isn't trying to f-ck me. It's just her way. She likes the reaction she gets when guys are staring at her hot body. But, DAMN, she livens up my day! I love the way I have to have a regular conversation with her, and my wife standing right there, with sister-in-law nipples bulging through the bikini and me trying to look without being TOO obvious. I would never do anything with her, but damn it sure is fun looking at her. By the way, she left her drawer open and you can plainly see her "Silver Bullet". HOW is this my wife's sister?

Oh yeah, to the point of this post. I had managed to save up about $140 for hobbying and I'm trying to build it up but money is TIGHT! But, anyway, my wife found the cash and now wants to go eat, with the kids, at a restaurant somewhere and go to the movies and what not. ARGHHHH!!!! I love doing those things but, F_CK!!!, back to square one as far as saving money to finally get laid again. Stupid-ass that I am left the money where she could see it. Shit.

There's your out right there Al. Just go bang her sister and all of your problems will be gone. Unfortunately they will be replaced with a whole other set of bigger problems. LOL

Are there any guys out there that use providers for their only source of sex? (Not including jacking off.) I'm currently in this situation. We stay together because of the kids and finances at this point but the sex has slowly dwindled to absolutely NEVER. She's Hot, but that doesn't do me any good if I can't touch her or see her nude ever. For me, I don't want to break up my family and have a bunch of child support payments and her not having any place to go means I'd be paying for their place too. I can barely afford bills now. The f-cked up thing is she doesn't want me looking at other women or porn or touching other women but I can't have her either. I tried telling her how this shit isn't going to work but she's clueless about human beings apparently. Also, I don't even want it if she isn't in to it AT ALL like the few times we've done it in the past couple of years. It has now been 1-1/2 years since the last time. Originally Posted by albundy

You have been writing reviews since late 2013, which is about 1 and a half years... Are you sure she doesn't know you are cheating on her, but doesn't want to break up the family. That said, how are you sure she isn't following your escapades on Eccie?

She is probably doing you a big favor by not divorcing you - How about returning it by fessing up to your wife and quitting this hobby? You probably won't meet anyone in this business as hot, and compatible with you as your own wife.

Lots of married men play with a complicit 'don't ask, don't tell' policy with their wives... sometimes husbands are completely open about the hobby (and their wives join in). You don't have that relationship with your wife -- and my guess is that you are a horrible liar, she did the math, and you are paying the price.

Divorce & cut your losses, full honesty & face the music like a person with honor, or get better at deceipt... that's what I advise.

Do any of you have a woman on the side that you're not paying for? I know ALL women cost SOME money, but you know what I mean. How's it working out? I worry a woman on the side would get feelings for me and it'd blow up in my face.

Yes - and sometimes those women give more than they take, and these women are called girlfriends. Unlike prostitutes, however, they won't stop what they are doing at any time of day or night to just come over, give you a blowjob, fuck your brains out, and then leave...