Nothing quite says respect like bullshit, TJ?
C'mon OP, do your wife a solid and leave her. She deserves someone who won't skulk around behind her back, seeking to create elaborate schemes to deceive her.
Or, have the balls to tell her the truth: you want to hobby.
What a depressing thread this is.
Originally Posted by JohnnyYanks
In a perfect world, at least my version of one, we'd all meet and fall in love with someone who compliments us and fulfills all of our needs. Unfortunately, the world is imperfect and so are we. That said, my next choice is that we make the most of our situations, resulting in overall happiness for all.
I have been accused of having an idealized idea of marriage and relationships. But, I really don't think that I do. Here are some of my core principles:
- if you are married, it's your obligation to put your spouse's happiness above your own. Obviously this only works when both partners do this equally (e.g., The Gift of Magi)
- if you are a woman and you are married, it is your responsibility to have sex with your husband and do your (very) best to fulfill him sexually. No excuses about bring tired, the kids, not feeling like it. It's sex. It's your job to please your man. That's what you signed up for, just do it. Same thing with guys. If you have a sexual dysfunction, seek help. If you can't fix it, please her somehow. Don't seek sex elsewhere because of misplaced embarrassment.
- if a wife doesn't have sex with her husband for any of the above mentioned BS reasons, he should approach her, honestly and let her know that he loves her, but his needs are NOT being met. He should give her the opportunity to cure her bad behavior. If she does, great...if not, well, then he must weigh his options.
- if a guy is getting great sex at home, and his wife is a great spouse in everyway, but he craves variety regardless, then he again, must weigh his options.
- if two people choose to bring children into the world, my opinion is that they need to suck it up and pretend they like each other and find a way to coexist happily until the kids turn 18. In this case, both parties must be honest and weigh their options. I'm sick of people screwing their innocent children over because of their own selfish desires and "happiness." You could have been happy without dragging innocent children into the mix. Figure out a way to keep it together by weighing your options.
- if you're not married, then you can do whatever the hell you like. You haven't made a lifetime commitment to a "SO" so have at it. I mean, don't be an ass, but it is what it is...and it's not marriage or a true commitment. Fuck whoever you like, you don't owe anything to anyone.
- if you're married without children and you are just on two totally different planets sexually, then be honest about it. Some women are ok with you seeking sex elsewhere, but not ok with you being dishonest.
OK. So, what do I mean by "weigh your options?"
- if you approach your wife and she has no desire to cure her bad actions regarding sex...in my opinion, you are free to do what you need to do. The caveat, is be careful and don't get caught if you want to stay married. If the kids are gone and you want to get a divorce, do it. If you're comfortable, don't. She's the one who dropped the ball, and you shouldn't suffer for it. Go get laid.
- if your wife is perfect, but you're a nyphmo, then at least be honest with yourself and understand that you are selfish and deal with it. Be a perfect husband, don't get caught, but you're going to do what you're going to do. If you happen to get caught and end up divorced...do womenkind a favor and don't remarry. Enjoy, but be smart and safe.
- if you hobby, it is your responsibility to understand the consequences of your actions.
I personally believe that if you love someone enough to lay your life down for her, then you owe her the opportunity to fix a bad situation. If she doesn't and you find what is missing by seeking it elsewhere is a discreet and safe manner, then great. Hopefully that allows you to be able to go home and be a happier and better husband. I think that is the best argument for hobbying when married.
If you can honestly say that you are a great husband and your wife is, quite frankly, a bitch...then I honestly have very little compassion for her. Again, a good reason to hobby and not be as resentful of her and stay married if you have kids. If there aren't any kids, then why stay and torture yourself?
I'm all for people's sexual needs being fulfilled. It does bother me when guys don't give their wives an opportunity to fix the situation at hand. It bothers me when people are selfish in regards to their children.
Now that you think I've spent the last few minutes trying to ram my opinions down your throat...that's not my desire.
I've been on every side of the situations mentioned above. I really try my best not to judge others or their motivations.
Though, I think we are all guilty of making assumptions about other board members and their motivations to hobby.
