Alright you bitches, I'm all lit up ands I be ready to rum, I mean rumble ho's! This is my last night, so I'm hooking all you f**kers up with a last minute special!! Since all you Houston hobbiest are cheap f**kers, here is my Maaco special!!
Ya'll liked my 50 cent discount, so here goes, let the discounting begin. So if you have a little pecker, I'm running a little D**k special. That's right, you white f**kers are excited now.!! Toooooooo qualify your member has to be less that 3.75 inches in length and no more that a dime's width. Qualifying little D**ks will receive a bonafide $3.75 discount off my regular rate, that's right that's 10 cents per inch.
Also, I changed my mind on the pub sh*t. I saw a 70's movie today and pubs are the sh*t. I miss the 70's, even though I was born in the 80's. If you have a really hairy forest, you will receive $5.25 off. If you shaved your pubs, you're F**cking out of luck. Nothing like licking some juices out of a hairy fro!!!! Grow them back out ladies and men!!!!
I am also running a titty twister special. If you let me twist the sh*t out of your nipples, I will actually pay you $1, provided that I can leave bruises.
If your avatar is a cat, you're still f**cked, you pay extra. That's right $50 extra for stupid avatars!!! and $75 extra fee if there is a cat or allegator in your avatar.
If you can sing a show tune, you will receive an extra $2 off. If you have a qualifying small D**k and you can sing a show tune while jumping up and down, YOu will get an extra $25 off. Remember little D**ks will not bounce, much, so you MUST make them bounce. Bounch B**tch bounce!!
I am f**cking awesome!!! 5 stars!!!