I believe what this comes down to is perspective.
I think this is the topic, buoys and gulls. So please allow me to weigh in.
(And I'm not going to call anybody a cocky doody!)
I've had a number of occasions in my adult/married life when the opportunity has presented itself to me and I've drifted into personal relationships with girls that maybe some of you might term as SB-SDs. Not all of them were half my age ... in fact most of them were closer to my age, especially when I was younger.
I got laid a lot and had a lot of very crazy and bizarre parties. At home and on the road. Some of them ended with calls to my house, my office, high school-type breakups. REAL STUPID CHIT ... all for the privilege of jeopardizing my life, livelihood and family.
Originally Posted by Yssup Rider
I could ask what you did to them for them to want the privilege of jeopardizing your life. Of the many SBs I've had, only 3 have parted on less than friendly terms - they just disappeared. I suppose it could be the types of girls you find, type of person you are, or it could be that I’m not married and they didn’t see anything obvious about my life to jeopardize. Another possibility is that they actually mean it when they tell me, years later, that they still consider me a friend.
Never crossed the threshold into complete and utter emotional and financial capitulation. Never bought a "girlfriend" a car, an apartment or anything like that. Helped a couple of them out with money. (Which I've done with friends and family.) Fixed a car or two. Paid a doctor bill or two.
So where is the line that marks capitulation? Where is the line for P4P, SD/SB, girlfriend, and friend?
But it didn't make me feel better about the relationship or about myself. It made me feel bad. I wondered why I was putting myself in the "caretaker" position. Was it for me? Was I being a good Samaritan? Did I expect something in return; something I wasn't getting at home? Was I proud of myself or simply separating my life into what my heart wanted and what my dick told me? Each time something like that happened, I felt like a bigger dumbass. Frankly pushed me more toward P4P than anything else.
I’m not sure I get your distinction between these relationships and P4P. I will go with the assumption that you’re labeling hourly encounters by advertising providers P4P, and time spent with mistresses not P4P. When you ask yourself the question why you keep putting yourself in the position of caretaker or good Samaritan, did you ever get an answer? Some people certainly get a sense of satisfaction from charity or helping others, some don’t. Maybe this was your way of finding out you’re the latter…or maybe you just felt guilty about getting something out of it instead of it being a completely altruistic act.
Do any of you actually think these relationships are worthy of heartbreak or does it make you feel better about yourself as a man to have a paid concubine. How about you girls? Do you REALLY love the guys who just make your their plaything... isn't it hard to act like you do for that long?
What heartache? I get the feeling that you’re talking more about affairs rather than SD/SB/P4P arrangements. No one here suggested love. Like, enjoy spending time together…sure. Love is a four-letter word around here. As for having a paid concubine, is she less of a concubine if you only keep her for an hour? How do you feel about keeping a list of “courtesans”, “escorts”, or “providers” you go through, does that make you feel better about yourself than focusing on one or three?
There's a lot of spiteful talk online about mommy/daddy issues! But this, imho, is the epitome of them. I'm not here to judge, but I've been on this earth long enough to step in a lot of emotional dogshit, and I know dogshit when I taste it!
You might not be here for the purpose of judging, but you are judging. Don’t be ashamed, I’m proud to say I categorize and judge everything and everyone in order to try to understand their nature. You would have to stop thinking to stop judging… Don’t deny that you are. I hope you can say dog shit can be judged to have very little value.
As for the mommy/daddy issue, it’s a possibility. I’m sure there are some that are trying to act out their mommy/daddy issues through these types of relationships, just as some must be acting them out with hourly providers. There might be others who just find young girls of optimal child-bearing age very attractive because they’re just ruled by what’s left of their instincts, but that would just be pure speculation and about as useful as…well, dog shit.
Folks, I don't know how this makes your life better. Every time I've been involved, or around, such a relationship, it almost always ended in pain, sorry and acrimony. I've seen it happen to others in much worse ways.
I don’t know that any of us are hobbying an hour at a time or hours at a time to make meaningful improvements to our lives. I think either markets cater more to the immediate gratification of base desires.
My experiences have been vastly different. No pain, sorry or acrimony.
Those of you who brag about their revolving door of SDs and SBs, I'm not impressed. Lot of disrespectful stuff is said in this forum between hobbyists and providers...maybe for similar psychological reasons as crowing about situations like these; that other, less open minded people might deem undignified for both parties.
Considering your past posts about this subject, I doubt you were specifically the one they were trying to impress by bragging. Though…again, I find the line between sharing experiences and bragging hard to find in the sand, and there are always even less open-minded people who might deem the rest undignified.
I don't want to call anybody crazy, but if the foo shits, wear it! (I promised not to call anybody a cocky doody!) And I'm REAL glad I now have my love affairs one hour at a time.
An hour is an arbitrary time block, and one side of an arbitrary line wears shazy croe, the other side shlings fit.
Again, I'm not judgin, just testifyin! If it works for you, knock yourself out. Please tell me your secret to happiness! Because I just don't get it.
(insert irreverent witticism here and random smiley face)
Just sayin...
Secret is to do nothing you would feel guilt about and to not feel guilt for things you should not feel guilt about. Then again, that’s a much bigger topic than thread about mistresses, providers, hourly vs. monthly concubines, sugar babies and daddies, mommy and daddy issues on a hooker board.
If you’re just looking for happiness in SD/SB relationships, it’s simple. Either don’t have them if they make you feel bad, or draw better lines in the sand.
Hey. If we're here. And we all are. Alot. The guys and the girls. We are all damaged in some way. For the married guys, if your wife was all you needed, you wouldn't be here. And the ladies, if they had good husbands and/or careers, they wouldn't be here either. And the single guys like me, in the middle of a nasty divorce(separated 3+ years), and in the throes of a 4 year full blown midlife crisis where I am questioning my personal and professional motivations. I find respite from issues here. When I get past all that and back to some semblance of a normal life, I won't be here.
I agree with Yssup, I don't think I could do the SD/SB thing. I like and accept on some level the 1 hour relationships I enter into here. I couldn't see making it a semi permanent arrangement and feeling good about it.
We're all different...to each his own.
Originally Posted by saj1000
I disagree with us all being damaged, but that will derail this discussion further than it could be hoped to salvaged.
I’m not sure I understand why a semi-permanent arrangement of sessions of differing length would make you feel bad in particular. If I remember, there have been mongers who have regular, ongoing, less than committed monthly or bi-weekly arrangements with pros here as well as many who have multi-hour engagements.
I've had that experience raising children to adulthood. You want to share experiences, stick around and be a daddy for 20 or 30 years. Teach a daughter how to be tough and put the fear of God into the little high school Lotharios. Teach a son how to throw a curve ball and not get caught whacking off at boy scout camp.
Originally Posted by Yssup Rider
Some of us make the choice not to have kids, whether you see the act of procreation as the ultimate ego trip (not all of us are open about it as George Foreman with George, George, George, George and Georgetta), or see it as a commitment we’re unwilling or unprepared to take on. Now, talking about raising kids to “mentoring” or giving advise to sugar babies is a big stretch.
But go shopping with someone else's daughter for lingeree...well isn't that spectacular.
Aren’t they all someone’s daughter, or is it better to take your own lingerie shopping?
I know there's a vicarious rush you get, but everytime I've come near it, it ended unhappily for me. Sometimes dangerous but always leaving me wondering WTF was I doing? Felt that way a few times in fancy restaurants or club with a 19 year old on my arm and my hand on her ass. It was real tough watching the entire place stare as she slinked around the salad bar and I loaded up on the asparagus and oysters. OK, they were whispering...and I got a world class blowjob later. But that's not the point. I had a great time with her. AND ran into my mother's doctor. Unlucky? No, invevitable.
See, that’s just cruel to load up on asparagus before she gives you a world class blowjob. Running into acquaintances while out with a SB isn’t any different from doing the same while out having drinks or dinner with a provider. You may not be in a position to do it as freely as some of the other who do, and we all have to assess our risks according to our own situation. I’m single, I don’t actively hide my hobbying and most of my family do not live in town. My risk is close to none.
It isn't doom and gloom,sixx. I've never seen a succesful endgame in any such relationship. Have you?
Again, one hour.day at a time. We can be who we want to be. Or not. NSA. Everything goes and comes and goes home....
Formula for success.
You don;'t have to agree with me. I'm long past caring what my pals thought of the girls I bedded. In fact that time came somewhere in high school or college. When I faded from public life, the gals stopped seeking me out as a star fuck too.
I like it now. NSA. And tomorrow, I can change my diet if I like.
Choices. Perspective. If not, BRING OUT THE HOLY GRENADE!
Don't try to play the benevolent benefactor, Sixx. If you expect a bbbjnqns for your kindness, you are NOT a mentor. Let's be real here, lol
Originally Posted by KaraLynnKelley
I don’t see it as playing benevolent benefactor, it’s using the time you have together. If one of your clients gave you computer help or financial advice, does that taint their help because they just had sex with you? Quid pro quo and things aside from the Bargain don’t have to forever bleed into each other and make everything tainted.
So from what I'm getting it's about the money. Cool. At least somebody's being honest about it. If it's about job security, convenience and having your4 nut covered without having to find a day job I totally get it. I've been self employed for a long time and do appreciate the long term contracts from time to time.
If you're pretending it's about charity and benevolence --- or love God forbid -- then I have to question your sincerity. Sounds like a medieval cavalryman answering a call by a damsel in distress and then locking her away in the dungeon.Then bragging about it to the other horse soldiers at the mead hall.
Originally Posted by Yssup Rider
Holy hell, where did you get charity, benevolence or love from this thread? I think you read a lot into this thread that were possibly more from your experience than what’s written. This is about money, this is about some semblance of security for the girls, this is about developing a bit more of a relationship than open door, suck, lick, fuck, drive away (or in Sixx’ case, suck, suck, suck).
Though I think you might have something… If giving to charities came with a HJ or BJ, that might drum up more of the giving spirit!
Again I fail to see the fulfillment factor there.
Unless, to follow the fairy princess analogy, for the ladies you figure if you kiss a frog enough he'll turns into an ATM.
This is becoming the same discussion as
The value of a nut thread. I personally don’t see much of a fulfillment to a FBSM session, but others like it. I judge it for me, but I don’t try to set the value of such for others.
As to how the ladies here see this, I think you’re asking a stacked jury, no?
Seems like a lot of things going on for the wrong reason. Or else people aren't really saying what they feel in this thread. But I'm probably the only one here who feels tht way.
And KLK I think we're on the same side of the fence more often than not. I'm a fan. In fact "honey" I've got a wonderful face, er, place for you to perch.
I guess that depends on what you think are the reasons.