Who is actually "COOL WITH" (and can handle) having a Provider as an S.O.?

As a provider, who use to have a SO, it got in the way of business, it took away from my business, there were way too many fights and youre pretty much the bread winner. i wont have both at the same time ever again.

I have to say that I'm not O.K. with a guy who's O.K. with me being a provider. I want an old fashioned, one-woman man who's looking for a one-man woman.

Wow! Dharma that's deep!!

Another thing I was thinking about earlier but didn't add...if I'm a hobbyist, what right would I have to be upset she's a provider? Originally Posted by Bushaholic

I agree 100% with this.

I've dated several providers and dancers. None of them lasted, but as with any love life, for various reasons. Most broke apart because we just didn't click enough.

To me there are three major ingredients that are required to make a relationship work with a provider. First and foremost, there has to be honesty in the relationship. Both of you are putting a LOT of trust in the other person, and that has to be respected. I'm not the jealous type (a requirement for this type of relationship), but that means my SO (provider or otherwise) has to be open and honest with me, to warrant that lack of jealousy. A provider has to respect that even more, because of the nature of the rest of the relationship.

The flip side of that coin, though, is that the boyfriend in the relationship CAN NOT get jealous, or if he does, can't take that out on her. If she tells you the guy she saw this morning made her cum more than she ever has before, you have to deal with it. You've asked her to be honest, and she has been. Don't get mad at her for doing so. It might make you a bit jealous, or insecure. Deal with it on your own, but DO NOT make her suffer for it.

Second, you both need to agree on the level of disclosure you have with friends and family. I dated one girl who refused to tell anyone what she did, but got mad at me because I didn't want any of MY family to know either. For the record, that was for HER protection, because I have a very judgmental, conservative family, and wanted them to judge her on her personality, not her career. They're going to love me no matter what.

Last, but not least, you need to keep SOMETHING that is just yours. Maybe she doesn't do Greek except with you, or there are certain positions she only does with you. Maybe it's something as simple as she only cuddles with you. What it is, is up to the two of you. It needs to be something she truly enjoys, because that means she'll look forward to seeing you at the end of the day, and the relationship is special to her.

This would be absolutely yummy for me. For a number of years my wife and I were swingers and from time to time she would cuckold me … I loved it … It has great intense erotic appeal.

Not for me. I'm always amazed at the notion that you have to be "strong, secure, confident, mature, etc." to handle your SO being a provider. The implication is that if you CAN'T handle it then you are none of those things. I'd like to think I have some of those qualities, and there is no way in the world I would want dozens of guys fucking my wife.

I'm "cool with" it...guess I'm a total FREAK



IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WORKING PROVIDER:
- Does knowing about it bother you or truly turn you on?
Truly...a turn FUCKING on!!!


- During rough spots, do you bring it up/throw it in her face?
NEVER...


- Do you only tolerate it, but secretly wish for her to stop Providing?
Uh...NO, I wouldn't


- How do you guys make it work? (What works for you?)
As long as she wouldn't ask ME to stop Hobbying, we are cool. If she ever wants to stop providing, so be it. Then, I would consider not hobbying anymore


- Do get sexed up everynight or is she "tired" because of her daily appts.?
If she needed a break, I would understand. Fucking me everyday is a workout in itself

- Do you get put to the back burner or is it friggin AWESOME to be with someone who's so sexual?
AWESOME...


- Are there trust or security issues? (being enough for her, etc.)
Enough, hell, I might be TOO much
No issues from me, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to please a woman IN & OUT of the bedroom

Fucking me everyday is a workout in itself

No issues from me, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to please a woman IN & OUT of the bedroom

Mmmm...I love a confident man. Stop, you're turning me on.



TGIF!

Funny as hell.
There have been a lot responses on this thread that would make good sales pitches for selling ice to Eskimos but unfortunately fantasy and reality are often very far apart. A lot of the responses appear to be only contemplating the upside.

First of all the term "cool with" is not exactly correct. More accurate terminology would be "tolerant of " or "disassociated from"
I'm not speaking this from speculation or from what I think I would be okay with. I'm speaking from experience. Both my own and from what I have observed in real life.



I have to laugh when I read responses that say:

• " I think as long as we set clear boundries and expectations then I could be cool with it." (You have no idea what you are in for...get ready for a short, confusing and painful ride)
• "The idea of her screwing other guys turns me on" (You're not an SO, you're another swinger at the party)

I also think you are confusing guys that say they would be cool with it as being strong, secure and confident....yeah, keep thinking that.

As a provider you are probably going to be limited to 3 different types of SOs. I have not seen a 4th variety...yet.
Don't expect any of these realtionships to be long term (except for the 1st one).

1 - SO/Manager/Under-employed shiftless, worthless boyfriend
(sometimes called a sublime pimp with a stable of one)
Pros/Cons:
Very cool with (or tolerant) of your job and not bothered in the least by it. In fact, he will drive you to late night calls and keep you company on the road. You are the meal ticket after all. The more you work, and make, the happier he is with this free lifestyle. He has a lot of pipe dreams but is rarely able to achieve anything on his own in life. He can control people that have low self-esteem and he subliminally and directly controls you. His methods don't work in the business world, the military or even in prison but they sure work well here. He keeps you down more than up, further deteriorates your self esteem and personal worth but he is always there for you. Plus, he's usually good-looking, charming when he wants to be and he likes puppies. He has no problem beating you down when necessary though physically and emotionally.
Longevity:
Can last anywhere from 6 months to 10 or more years.
Break-up Hazards:
Break-ups are ugly, very drawn out and usually dangerous, often involving restraining orders, threats, assault and can result in homicide. This guy believes that if I can't have you, no one can have you and is willing to take that concept to the next level, up to and including serving time for it.

2 - Swinger/Free Lifestyle SO
Pros/Cons: This is probably the best one to have as the drama levels are low. As long as he is getting laid regularly, he is happy. The problem is that as long as he is also test driving new models frequently, he is eventually going to find one that he likes better, especially after the new wears off on you. This guy is not looking for drama or problems and if you have a lot of that in your life then don't expect him to be around very long. The reality is that this guy is really not boyfriend material and it wasn't much of a relationship...it was based mostly on sex and the other stuff was just a sidebar.
Longevity: 3 months to 3 years tops.
The length is directly proportional to the amount of drama involved.
Break-up Hazards: Minimal. In fact, you can probably remain friends. You never were really much more than sex partners anyway.

3 - The Dreamer/ The Idealist/ The Romantic
Pros/Cons: This guy really cares about as a person and does not really want to see you remain a provider. He may say he is cool with it but it is eating him up inside. He will encourage you to get out of the business and will try to help with that. He will soon come across to you as very controlling and you will interpret his motives as such. He is actually very much a control freak and would like to create his own perfect world. He will help you to get out of the business but he will also feel that you owe him for it. He's not trying to turn you into a slave, more like his perfect vision of a woman with your personality wrapped around him. This usually only works in movies. I have not seen it work in real life. Call it the Pretty Woman fantasy or Pygmalion fantasy for those of you that actually read that book in high school or college.
Longevity: A few months to a few years
Break-up Hazards: Lots of hurt feelings, insults and kleenex. Stalking activity and usually financial threats. Sometimes can get physical on both sides and may even involve restraining orders but it usually diminishes slowly over time.

I truly don't know. Probably means that's a 'no'.

I agree with Bushaholic's list of things that would definitely derail the relationship for me - if she's doing activities with clients but not with me, if her work significantly affects her desire to have sex with me or her enthusiasm when we're actually doing it. If we had our 'own' days/nights where she didn't work, then maybe. Maybe.

But knowing myself, I think in the long run I would really struggle with it. I know that I would always want her to quit - and to be fair, if she did then I would quit hobbying as well. I'm certain I would have times when I'd wonder if I was enough for her, and if the hobby was how we met I'm also sure that I'd worry that she'd find someone better than me. Define better however you want - better looking, more $$, whatever. I just know it would be a challenge for me.

Even if I exclude the sexual component of the relationship, I don't know that it would work. I'm pretty much an introvert and generally speaking - yes, I realize I'm making a broad generalization here - providers tend to be extroverts. I don't think I'd be happy and I don't think she would be either. Sure, I think we could make it work with some compromise but it would definitely present some challenges.

Back to my initial answer: I don't know.......probably not, but maybe. She'd have to be pretty special, though. Originally Posted by Jack Daniels

Great, now the hobby has me talking to myself!

I've been thinking about this topic a lot recently and I think I've come to the realization that I just wouldn't be able to handle it.

I may have all the confidence in the world (both in/out of the bedroom) but when it comes down to it, I wouldn't want the woman I love to be with anyone else. I'm not talking about the occasional threesome (or moresome) - MFF, MFM, whatever - but on a regular, ongoing basis. I guess I'm selfish that way LOL.

As much as I'd love to say 'yes, I'd be cool with it' I really have to be honest with myself and know that I wouldn't be. That might make me old-fashioned, I don't know - WALDT, right? I just know this is one of the things I wouldn't like.

Been there, done that, folks! During my 20+yrs marriage, I was intimidated by my hubby to do things that would even scare the freakiest of pervs! Then the resentment from him started and it only got worse! We couldn't even have one conversation without the hobby being mentioned!

I'm like Dharma, I WANT a one-woman man who WANTS a one-man woman! I won't settle this time!

I could see a hobbyist marrying a provider. If you know someone long enough anything can happen. But I'm like Lana, if I'm that interested in someone I sure as hell don't want to share her with everybody else in town.

Been there, done that, folks! During my 20+yrs marriage, I was intimidated by my hubby to do things that would even scare the freakiest of pervs! Then the resentment from him started and it only got worse! We couldn't even have one conversation without the hobby being mentioned!

I'm like Dharma, I WANT a one-woman man who WANTS a one-man woman! I won't settle this time! Originally Posted by Lana Warren

I think that's why so many of the guys have said it depends on what kind of SO the lady is looking for.

I have a simple rule. If I am in a serious relationship, I don't hobby. If I feel like I need more than I am getting from my partner I know she isn't the one. Once I'm serious, I am strictly monogamous, and I need the same from my partner. But, I could date, and have dated, a provider, and would do it again. One thing we discussed, though, was that after a certain point neither of us could be in the hobby. I didn't really feel she could make that change, so we didn't go any further.

Part of me thinks I could do it IF I get to watch, and maybe join in...and if dude ain't hitting it right I could give him a hand by pushing back and forth on his ass and yelling at him like a marine drill sgt.





GET IN DERE, BOY! DAMN! WHAT THE HELL!!!! QUIT BS'ING!! COME ON, SON! COME ON!! YOU'RE JUST PLAYIN' IN IT!! LET'S GO!!

I WILL MOTIVATE YOU, PRIVATE PYLE, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL IN THE CONGO!!!!

http://www.hark.com/clips/xlpnwrpsrh...quitting-on-me

Nothing says "I care about you" like a man doesn't mind at all if his girlfriend takes chances with her health, life, and freedom on a day-to-day basis! How sexy is that?!?! I mean...she could be getting roughed up, but hey, she could be having a blast! You never really know, and that's just so frikkin' hot!

Seriously, any man who REALLY loves/cares about a woman, wants more for her than providing. Period. I know we like to pretend that this is very safe as long as you screen (screening helps but is never 100%), and the ladies are really here for the anonymous sex, but let's get real. It's a risk in many directions and a guy who is supportive of such a lifestyle is either an idiot, or he's just not that into the chick. If he cared, he wouldn't want her taking these kinds of risks IMO. Being "okay" with it as a stepping stone to get her to a better place in life, getting through school, swinging, I understand; being thrilled that your girlfriend is a hooker as her sole means of support.. something is not right with that, unless of course the guy is benefiting from it in some way and that is another topic. A couple that is involved in the swinger lifestyle and the wife provides for fun because she wants to is one thing. Most of the time, guys are "cool" with it for all the wrong reasons, as mentioned above in TheWanderer's post (which I thought was great!)

Anyway, I'm with Dharma. I'm not okay with a guy who is okay with it.

Not for me. I'm always amazed at the notion that you have to be "strong, secure, confident, mature, etc." to handle your SO being a provider. The implication is that if you CAN'T handle it then you are none of those things. I'd like to think I have some of those qualities, and there is no way in the world I would want dozens of guys fucking my wife.. Originally Posted by Cousin Dupree

I loved the above post