Hobby perspective after some years?

This business is very complex and offers endless opportunities for women with the savvy to recognize this. For the men, it is not simply paying for sex. They are paying to have a good time with a woman. In their day to day lives, they deal with stress at work and responsibility at home. The affection they long for is put on the back burner behind everyone else's needs. When a man calls and makes an appointment....guys that are not big time hobbyists...they are so looking forward to it. It is a total escape from the ordinary.

They may have had bad experiences, but it is important to them so they try again. If they decide to call me, and we meet, they will get the service they are looking for from a woman that exceeds expectation in looks and intelligence. I love watching them come in nervous and relax more and more until they are talking and laughing. I love when they start off self conscious and unsure about there sexuality and turn into champions.

There is no other job on earth that allows greater access to human emotion. Any service provider would kill to leave such an impression on their clients. It is a girls responsibility to bring out those feelings and appreciate them but not try to manipulate them. A good provider is a powerful woman, but abusing that power is certain downfall.

I could go on but I won't. That's how I see it. Originally Posted by !!Sexy Erotic Morgan

Wow Morgan well said! Thank you for that.

I can't tell you how much I admire your attitude and appreciate your approach! I wish every provider had such a commitment to excellence and understood the real complexities involved in this thing of ours.

When I see a provider the good sex is just the starting point for me. Some of the best experiences I have had which have left me with the most lasting memories are the ones in which I simply had a great time from start to finish just spending time with some good sex thrown in there somewhere.

I do agree with other posters that this can be a double edged sword if you aren't able to compartmentalize or come to expect the same levels of sexual exploration or comfortability from civilian women. However, I think the benefits are very much worth it.

Very we'll said and I agree with you that even in economic downturns there are opportunities for providers to make money. However, the data simply does not validate your assertion that the escort industry compares more to cigarettes. Even though the "need" for companionship might go up when times are tough the data shows that men simply do without.

Spending on cigarettes is not much affected by recessions and other economic downturns which affect consumer spending, however vices such as alcohol consumption, gambling, and escort spending are absolutely negatively affected by these economic cycles.

Vices like alcohol consumption, gambling, and escort spending are the very definition of discretionary spending which, I'm sure you remember from your economic classes is the first thing to contract during an economic downswing.

Brothels in Nevada are still struggling not only from lack of new clientele but existing clientele aren't spending as much.

There is an investment research firm which actually has a vice index they use to predict consumer spending and it tracks spending on gambling and escorts. It has a 90% correlation to broader consumer spending and is a leading indicator of it by around four months.

My point is that while you personally might to do just fine during economic downturns due to your personal business savvy and ability to be nimble and adjust to new demands, it's important to acknowledge the broader economic cycles at work which do affect your industry like it or not.

South Bay Vice Index
http://www.businessinsider.com/south...ds-pce-2013-10

Escorts in England struggling through recession
http://www.economist.com/news/britai...ex-doesnt-sell

Nevada brothel businesses struggle
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/nevad....google.com%2F Originally Posted by SpiceItUp

I do acknowledge that overall things are slowing down for all industries. And being part time, I guess I don't look at the industry the way a full time lady would look at things. And again, even then, there is money to be made. Maybe not as much as in times of plenty, but there's still a market for ladies, even in the worst of times. If you're not going to put yourself in a position to make it, then that's when ladies struggle.

And no, this industry can't really be compared in any way but one: not all patrons go without. You guys aren't that good. Because as sure as you sit or hopefully lay at this ungodly hour, there are clients communicating with ladies they feel are worth their hard earned discretionary funds. Due to business differences, there are some women/entities who will struggle more than others. Just know there's a reason for that. Just the general differences between procuring an independent companion versus going to a brothel is a small example.

Know that some women, while acknowledging and following the economic downturn, will do what it takes so that there's little change to their income, and others will panic and put up $2 specials and wonder why no one's biting.

Edit: I apologize for concentrating on the economics in this beautiful thread. I forgot to mention that each of you (TTH, THN, Old Grump, EasyLover, Morgan) has said something that has touched me. I love it when gents get something out of the interactions with the women they meet. It's bigger than the money. The women who provide exceptional experiences often understand that and fare better than those who don't.

My question fellow hobbyists is: How do you feel about your gained experience, and how you see the way you hobby now? Originally Posted by DarthDVader

I've been doing this for about 40 years now, off an on.

There have been a tremendous number of changes in the industry -- boards like this, use of the Internet, more independent ladies, the rise of GFE and IOP, etc., etc. "Safe sex" has swung back and forth, from ubiquitous BBFS in the pre-AIDS era, to covered everything, to ubiquitous fellatio without condoms. Screening went from virtually non-existent to very common but ad hoc to (in more recent years) efficient standardized processes like P411. I think, while still illegal and a shadow society, there has been a strong trend (facilitated by communities like this) toward establishing acceptance and community norms. It's really quite a drastic change from the early 70's.

From a personal perspective, I suppose there has been an evolution in how I look at the hobby. But then, there has been an evolution in how I look at most things. That's a symptom of how I've changed, much more than how my relationship to P4P specifically has changed. Perhaps for the better in part and for the worse in part. And how I react to P4P at any one time may be more due to random fluctuations of mood than the gradual evolution of personality.

I've come away from this with a few primary truths (at least my version of the truth):

1) P4P and interacting with these ladies doesn't change you. At the end of the day, what you are depends much more on you than on the things (including P4P) you experience. At most, your experiences help bring out what was already there. And what they bring out may be good or bad. (I also have been unpleasantly surprised at the amount of publicly expressed misogyny. But I've also been surprised by things I've discovered in myself.)

2) Although we tend to focus on physical appearance, great sex, professionalism (TCB), a pleasant personality, and the illusion of passion, there is much more that goes into the selection of a companion. Although those may be important, plenty of ladies have those in spades but just don't quite click. The myriad facets of personality and compatibility affect who is an ATF a great deal. (Which shouldn't be surprising, given their importance in civilian relationships, whether romantic or merely friends. This also explains why this isn't a perfect market; one lady is never an exact substitute for another.) Corollaries to this:

A) Don't put too much faith in reviews, even when they're honest. Just because he thought she was terrific, or was put off by her attitude, doesn't mean you will.

B) And likewise, don't make the mistake of thinking your perspective is right. Just because you thought she was terrific, or were put off by her attitude, doesn't mean he will. A dose of humility about the value of your opinion isn't a bad thing.

C) Realize that even those with whom you don't click may be pretty terrific people. I've seen over 100 ladies in the past 15 years. Only 5 can make my "top 5" list, but I liked and appreciated just about all 100+ of them. Several are rightfully considered super-stars, even if I didn't click with them quite as much as with my "top 5." And for that matter, realize that your ATFs have flaws, just as you do.

D) Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. It's OK to think she might really like you. She often will, within the boundaries of P4P and "as a client." But don't interpret it as more than it is. And for God's sake, don't get bent out of shape just because you're not her ATF. Just as you wouldn't want a lady to get upset because she wasn't your ATF. If you start worrying about that sort of thing, you need an attitude adjustment.

E) Enjoy the experience. Or do something else.

F) Respect costs nothing.



Although there have been pluses and minuses, overall I've enjoyed my time. Thanks to all of you who have been a part of that and helped my journey.

I've been doing this for about 40 years now, off an on.

There have been a tremendous number of changes in the industry -- boards like this, use of the Internet, more independent ladies, the rise of GFE and IOP, etc., etc. "Safe sex" has swung back and forth, from ubiquitous BBFS in the pre-AIDS era, to covered everything, to ubiquitous fellatio without condoms. Screening went from virtually non-existent to very common but ad hoc to (in more recent years) efficient standardized processes like P411. I think, while still illegal and a shadow society, there has been a strong trend (facilitated by communities like this) toward establishing acceptance and community norms. It's really quite a drastic change from the early 70's.

From a personal perspective, I suppose there has been an evolution in how I look at the hobby. But then, there has been an evolution in how I look at most things. That's a symptom of how I've changed, much more than how my relationship to P4P specifically has changed. Perhaps for the better in part and for the worse in part. And how I react to P4P at any one time may be more due to random fluctuations of mood than the gradual evolution of personality.

I've come away from this with a few primary truths (at least my version of the truth):

1) P4P and interacting with these ladies doesn't change you. At the end of the day, what you are depends much more on you than on the things (including P4P) you experience. At most, your experiences help bring out what was already there. And what they bring out may be good or bad. (I also have been unpleasantly surprised at the amount of publicly expressed misogyny. But I've also been surprised by things I've discovered in myself.)

2) Although we tend to focus on physical appearance, great sex, professionalism (TCB), a pleasant personality, and the illusion of passion, there is much more that goes into the selection of a companion. Although those may be important, plenty of ladies have those in spades but just don't quite click. The myriad facets of personality and compatibility affect who is an ATF a great deal. (Which shouldn't be surprising, given their importance in civilian relationships, whether romantic or merely friends. This also explains why this isn't a perfect market; one lady is never an exact substitute for another.) Corollaries to this:

A) Don't put too much faith in reviews, even when they're honest. Just because he thought she was terrific, or was put off by her attitude, doesn't mean you will.

B) And likewise, don't make the mistake of thinking your perspective is right. Just because you thought she was terrific, or were put off by her attitude, doesn't mean he will. A dose of humility about the value of your opinion isn't a bad thing.

C) Realize that even those with whom you don't click may be pretty terrific people. I've seen over 100 ladies in the past 15 years. Only 5 can make my "top 5" list, but I liked and appreciated just about all 100+ of them. Several are rightfully considered super-stars, even if I didn't click with them quite as much as with my "top 5." And for that matter, realize that your ATFs have flaws, just as you do.

D) Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. It's OK to think she might really like you. She often will, within the boundaries of P4P and "as a client." But don't interpret it as more than it is. And for God's sake, don't get bent out of shape just because you're not her ATF. Just as you wouldn't want a lady to get upset because she wasn't your ATF. If you start worrying about that sort of thing, you need an attitude adjustment.

E) Enjoy the experience. Or do something else.

F) Respect costs nothing.



Although there have been pluses and minuses, overall I've enjoyed my time. Thanks to all of you who have been a part of that and helped my journey. Originally Posted by Chevalier

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I have been seeing providers on and off for 27 years. I have met a few providers that I have wished I hadn't met and dozens more that I am glad I did not meet after initially talking with them on the phone, text, email, ect. Most people are good people, but there are always going to be the bad apples that make the whole crate go bad. This year and the years going forward, I want to concentrate on the good and the folks who are condescending, rude, trolls and overall just negative and like to argue all the time, I will avoid and not respond to.

This is going to one hell of a long post. Hopefully entertaining, possibly instructive and certainly cathartic for me.

I've been doing this too long, and it's time to get out.

I've been in the hobby for somewhere around 20 years. Not constantly, as during civilian relationships I took a break. Let's start from the beginning...

My first hobby experience was picking up a girl walking in the rain on Harry Hines. I was actually just going to give a person a ride. She asked if I wanted a date and I thought about it and said yes. I ended up taking her back to my apartment and then dropped her back off when we were done. Upon my return home I discovered while showering she stole my shampoo. There was a lesson there and I missed it at the time.

I found ASPD and learned a lot, and learned even more repeating mistakes that the old-timers constantly warned us about. And I learned a few on my own. I discovered the luxury of Asian spas, studios, independents, agencies, and I think I've pretty much run the gamut.

I've known several providers on a very personal level. I'm the kind of person people trust instinctively and I know too many secrets. I never ask for them, they're usually handed to me. I've bailed girls out of jail. I've put money on their books, I've watched their dogs, I've helped them get apartments by faking employment records, I've known some of their families, stored their belongings, picked them up from the airport, taken them back to their families, given them a place in my own home, tried to teach them some things to help them in life. I've been Captain Save-A-Ho and I've walked away when it became obvious that I really was not helping, just enabling.

I've been manipulated, stolen from, used, lied to, and seen the worst behavior imaginable from the female gender. I've talked to pimps, and seen some of the worst behavior imaginable from men as well.

And, as I've been working toward a more normal way of dealing with my social needs, I've seen every bit as bad in the civilian world.

I've spent a staggering amount of money chasing after the thrill of some young thing, and even more after the illusion of finding a real person in all the grime. I've intervened to help legal matters, and been seriously questioned by law enforcement. I've taken breathtaking and sometimes stupid risks. And somehow I've managed to find a way through it all with out taking on too much damage.

Even more staggering has been the cost to my sexuality. While I've certainly managed to enjoy a wide spectrum of experiences, and managed to avoid any hobby-related health issues, I've found that my ability to form and maintain a normal sexual relationship has been altered. And in many ways, I need to reset myself and re-learn what it means to make love. Hobby sex just doesn't do it for me any more. As a person, I need a true emotional bond and something meaningful in my life.

I've been able to study people and interact, while protecting myself somewhat, with people suffering the same mental illnesses that affected people in my life and found new ways to deal with my own past issues. I've managed to take a metric ton of personal pain and learn how to cut the toxic from my life. From my experience in this hobby, I've experienced personal growth on a huge level.

I've learned that you can only truly help those people who want to be helped and who show it. Not by words, but by actions. And the sad truth is most people cannot act in their own best self-interest. Of the two girls I spent the most time and resources on, one is currently incarcerated and the other is serving out multiple probations. The one girl I let sit in jail, but kept in touch with is now clean, working and raising a family. We talk occasionally, and she is doing well. I like to think I helped the positive outcome in that. And I'm glad she found her way and she did the work that she needed to get her life together.

I've learned that some people are so twisted up and stressed out that they can't accept the help they need and will just keep digging themselves into a hole. And some will take that help and will soon forget it. That very few, so very few, will take the least amount of help and leverage it to really get themselves out of a mess and learn something as I had to do when I was younger.

I've seen girls get sucked in by the fast money and blow it as fast as it comes in. So many of you girls don't consider the toll this hobby takes on your humanity and consider an exit plan. Some of you, somehow manage to find a way through all of this with your humanity intact. You are rare and lucky. I've learned how the scarcity principle applies to finances and managed to apply what I've learned here to making my own financial situation better.

Most of all I've learned a lot about myself, my needs and what I need to do to move forward in life. Over the last few years, my hobbying has dwindled to a fraction of what it once was. And it is time for me to work on my own exit plan. I'm headed out with one last tilt at the windmill. The sad truth is that most of us are completely and utterly hiding who we really are and what we really need. Most of us can only be trusted so far, most of us over-promise and under-deliver. Most of us are too caught up in our own personal pain to really rise about our own shit.

I've always been the nice guy. I genuinely like people. I like to be liked. I probably suffer from some mild narcissism but in the end, all I want to be is a good person. From the hobby I've also learned that I can be a complete asshole. I'm the kind of person who will fight a bully and gets outraged at an injustice. I'm the kind of asshole you want in your corner. I prefer to do things nice. I prefer to treat people with dignity and respect. I honestly believe that when everyone acts right and decently, we all come out ahead. I've learned to be aware of and to really define my personal boundaries.

That's my perspective on my experiences in the hobby.

After several years of hobbying, stepping back to recap on all the more than double digit experiences, I realized that as time passes by, as hobbyists, we become more hummmm, demanding .... sort to speak about the expectations that we have on the new experiences we venture to explore ...
In my case this situation has made me stick with a very few ATF's and an arrangement that has been more than worthy ...
Looking for a close to real IOP and a close to real girlfriend experience ...
At the beginning the miss and hit ratio was very dissapointing because of the lack of knowledge on how to research and to pick the rigth lady, having gone through SC, Studios, Amps, BP, Ecce and other sites that we
know well ...
At the very beginning I even used the yellow pages when traveled to Canada and the US, with a very low succes rate I recognize ...

My question fellow hobbyists is: How do you feel about your gained experience, and how you see the way you hobby now?
... and Ladies, I know the perspective for you is different than us men, but how time has changed your expectations about your clients and your hobby bussines? I understand that this are two totally different points of view, interesting both ...
Im really interested on hearing your opinion ladies and gents ...
Originally Posted by DarthDVader

A couple of the best posts from a guy's point of view I've read in a long time. Thanks Chevalier and Rehke...you newbie guys should read them if you haven't.

I totally agree ... we could write two chapters of a book with both posts ...
Thank you very much Chevalier and Rehke for sharing your experience ... its much appreciated ...

A couple of the best posts from a guy's point of view I've read in a long time. Thanks Chevalier and Rehke...you newbie guys should read them if you haven't. Originally Posted by Prolongus

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I have been seeing providers on and off for 27 years. I have met a few providers that I have wished I hadn't met and dozens more that I am glad I did not meet after initially talking with them on the phone, text, email, ect. Most people are good people, but there are always going to be the bad apples that make the whole crate go bad. This year and the years going forward, I want to concentrate on the good and the folks who are condescending, rude, trolls and overall just negative and like to argue all the time, I will avoid and not respond to. Originally Posted by NearHauteRed

So where along these 27 years did you become bitter against providers and feel they owe you?

Or allow a woman to pay for a session with another woman?

Or be busted before and having this dumb ass handle where you continue to spew your shit?

I sincerely hope none of the nice ladies here see you, I really, from the bottom of my heart, believe you are a danger to the community, specifically to women. I'm not trolling you at this point dude - I despise you because I respect the ladies here and you don't...you are a danger and a true, true loser.

Specifically:
http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=911451&page=10

Whole thread:
http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=911451

Also, search his handle and see his response to posts - not a nice person.

This is going to one hell of a long post. Hopefully entertaining, possibly instructive and certainly cathartic for me.

I've been doing this too long, and it's time to get out.

I've been in the hobby for somewhere around 20 years. Not constantly, as during civilian relationships I took a break. Let's start from the beginning...

My first hobby experience was picking up a girl walking in the rain on Harry Hines. I was actually just going to give a person a ride. She asked if I wanted a date and I thought about it and said yes. I ended up taking her back to my apartment and then dropped her back off when we were done. Upon my return home I discovered while showering she stole my shampoo. There was a lesson there and I missed it at the time.

I found ASPD and learned a lot, and learned even more repeating mistakes that the old-timers constantly warned us about. And I learned a few on my own. I discovered the luxury of Asian spas, studios, independents, agencies, and I think I've pretty much run the gamut.

I've known several providers on a very personal level. I'm the kind of person people trust instinctively and I know too many secrets. I never ask for them, they're usually handed to me. I've bailed girls out of jail. I've put money on their books, I've watched their dogs, I've helped them get apartments by faking employment records, I've known some of their families, stored their belongings, picked them up from the airport, taken them back to their families, given them a place in my own home, tried to teach them some things to help them in life. I've been Captain Save-A-Ho and I've walked away when it became obvious that I really was not helping, just enabling.

I've been manipulated, stolen from, used, lied to, and seen the worst behavior imaginable from the female gender. I've talked to pimps, and seen some of the worst behavior imaginable from men as well.

And, as I've been working toward a more normal way of dealing with my social needs, I've seen every bit as bad in the civilian world.

I've spent a staggering amount of money chasing after the thrill of some young thing, and even more after the illusion of finding a real person in all the grime. I've intervened to help legal matters, and been seriously questioned by law enforcement. I've taken breathtaking and sometimes stupid risks. And somehow I've managed to find a way through it all with out taking on too much damage.

Even more staggering has been the cost to my sexuality. While I've certainly managed to enjoy a wide spectrum of experiences, and managed to avoid any hobby-related health issues, I've found that my ability to form and maintain a normal sexual relationship has been altered. And in many ways, I need to reset myself and re-learn what it means to make love. Hobby sex just doesn't do it for me any more. As a person, I need a true emotional bond and something meaningful in my life.

I've been able to study people and interact, while protecting myself somewhat, with people suffering the same mental illnesses that affected people in my life and found new ways to deal with my own past issues. I've managed to take a metric ton of personal pain and learn how to cut the toxic from my life. From my experience in this hobby, I've experienced personal growth on a huge level.

I've learned that you can only truly help those people who want to be helped and who show it. Not by words, but by actions. And the sad truth is most people cannot act in their own best self-interest. Of the two girls I spent the most time and resources on, one is currently incarcerated and the other is serving out multiple probations. The one girl I let sit in jail, but kept in touch with is now clean, working and raising a family. We talk occasionally, and she is doing well. I like to think I helped the positive outcome in that. And I'm glad she found her way and she did the work that she needed to get her life together.

I've learned that some people are so twisted up and stressed out that they can't accept the help they need and will just keep digging themselves into a hole. And some will take that help and will soon forget it. That very few, so very few, will take the least amount of help and leverage it to really get themselves out of a mess and learn something as I had to do when I was younger.

I've seen girls get sucked in by the fast money and blow it as fast as it comes in. So many of you girls don't consider the toll this hobby takes on your humanity and consider an exit plan. Some of you, somehow manage to find a way through all of this with your humanity intact. You are rare and lucky. I've learned how the scarcity principle applies to finances and managed to apply what I've learned here to making my own financial situation better.

Most of all I've learned a lot about myself, my needs and what I need to do to move forward in life. Over the last few years, my hobbying has dwindled to a fraction of what it once was. And it is time for me to work on my own exit plan. I'm headed out with one last tilt at the windmill. The sad truth is that most of us are completely and utterly hiding who we really are and what we really need. Most of us can only be trusted so far, most of us over-promise and under-deliver. Most of us are too caught up in our own personal pain to really rise about our own shit.

I've always been the nice guy. I genuinely like people. I like to be liked. I probably suffer from some mild narcissism but in the end, all I want to be is a good person. From the hobby I've also learned that I can be a complete asshole. I'm the kind of person who will fight a bully and gets outraged at an injustice. I'm the kind of asshole you want in your corner. I prefer to do things nice. I prefer to treat people with dignity and respect. I honestly believe that when everyone acts right and decently, we all come out ahead. I've learned to be aware of and to really define my personal boundaries.

That's my perspective on my experiences in the hobby. Originally Posted by Rehke

Although I haven't been in the hobby as long as you have, I feel like you were expressing my own thoughts about life in general. Chevalier mentioned that people will become who they are going to become in the hobby due to the nature of their personality rather than their experiences. In other words, its not the experience that makes the person, its the person that makes the overall experience. I'd say that definitely applies to your post. Someone else might walk away with a completely different outlook. Likely, you would have let whatever crossed your path build you up instead up tear you down. Some people are just like that.

I wish you all the luck in the world in attaining your "reset" of intimacy beyond the hobby. I don't even like to think about how hard that will be someday when I am actually ready for a real relationship beyond this life. Honestly, real world relationships and friendships are too scary for me bc of how twisted and reckless people are without the walls of the hobby. I feel safer in my acquantanceships in the hobby than I would in a "normal" life anymore.

When I finally have the spine to step back into the real world, I hope my perspective is as healthy and positive as yours.

Rehke, I woke up in the middle of the night to find THN's interesting response to your post so I find myself reading carefully your very insightful thoughts again ...
I can certainly identify myself with you in so many ways and again thank you for making us think and be aware that we are not cocks and pussies or johns and escorts but human beings ...
I quoted 3 paragraphs that jumped out from the lines ...

I salute you Sir with respect and thank you again ...

DDV

ps I hope we can find a time to sit over lunch or drinks ... would be my pleasure to buy ...

I've managed to take a metric ton of personal pain and learn how to cut the toxic from my life. From my experience in this hobby, I've experienced personal growth on a huge level.

Most of all I've learned a lot about myself, my needs and what I need to do to move forward in life. Over the last few years, my hobbying has dwindled to a fraction of what it once was. And it is time for me to work on my own exit plan. I'm headed out with one last tilt at the windmill. The sad truth is that most of us are completely and utterly hiding who we really are and what we really need. Most of us can only be trusted so far, most of us over-promise and under-deliver. Most of us are too caught up in our own personal pain to really rise about our own shit.

I've always been the nice guy. I genuinely like people. I like to be liked. I probably suffer from some mild narcissism but in the end, all I want to be is a good person. From the hobby I've also learned that I can be a complete asshole. I'm the kind of person who will fight a bully and gets outraged at an injustice. I'm the kind of asshole you want in your corner. I prefer to do things nice. I prefer to treat people with dignity and respect. I honestly believe that when everyone acts right and decently, we all come out ahead. I've learned to be aware of and to really define my personal boundaries. Originally Posted by Rehke

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread. Thanks to all of you for sharing a piece of yourselves within it.

Rehke, I woke up in the middle of the night to find THN's interesting response to your post so I find myself reading carefully your very insightful thoughts again ...
I can certainly identify myself with you in so many ways and again thank you for making us think and be aware that we are not cocks and pussies or johns and escorts but human beings ...
I quoted 3 paragraphs that jumped out from the lines ...

I salute you Sir with respect and thank you again ...

DDV

ps I hope we can find a time to sit over lunch or drinks ... would be my pleasure to buy ...
Originally Posted by DarthDVader

+1 (and I too would like to be there for lunch )

Overall I'm a very optimistic person. I've always tried to turn the worst things that have happened to my advantage somehow.

Chevalier's post certainly rings true.

I think I have another spin on it as well. Several years ago, I realized I had certain tendencies in regards to the women I choose in my life. Eventually, after learning some personal history about the provider that's currently in jail, I pieced together some things. I suspect that there is a family history of Borderline Personality Disorder. And I figured out that I have a radar and an almost infallible attraction to women with those characteristics.

So I spent quite a bit of time involved in that situation studying it in every way I could and taking some very serious looks at myself and choices I made in the romantic area of my life. In many ways, I'm surprised that I'm not a complete misogynist.

My hobby experience has certainly brought out to my consciousness quite a bit about me. And a lot of that was a conscious choice because I knew I had to go through something in order to learn something about myself, and to get myself in a position to make better choices in the future.

Paradoxically, as much as the hobby is a thing of lies. We hide our lives to protect ourselves, we hide our hobby activities to protect our lives, and the basic IOP is a lie itself. It's a whole lot of fake. As much as the hobby is that, It's here that I've learned to be come the most understanding of truth. Not just the importance of truth, but how truth can be something else for another person. How hard it can be to get said what you need to get said without unduly bruising another. And just how our own minds work so that in the end, "truth" is mostly what each individual perceives it to be.

Life is about our choices and decisions. When I was younger, my mantra was "Do the right thing." Lately it's become more, "When everyone acts decently, we all get ahead." I think both those are good guidelines to live by. We're all human, and we do human things. We don't always do the right thing, and we kick ourselves down for it. We don't forgive ourselves our mistakes in life. We do really well in some areas and fail to apply that wisdom to other areas of our life. All any of us can do is to keep trying to do better.

This board, and others, is strewn with drama, and failing relationships. It's a community of extremely lonely individuals. I believe, in the end, we are all looking for just a few drops of real human love. For some piece of something we are missing in our lives and just plain do not know how to find it. People on both sides have mentioned how addicting the hobby is. And it's not all about the money. From involved conversations I've had with providers, the sex itself, and I think the intimacy is also powerfully addictive. It's also a trap. I personally do not know any provider who got into this on a fully informed, conscious decision. Pimps of all types find vulnerable people and bring them into this life with deceit and false promises. And the phrase, "it'll be worth it, trust me" is almost always a sure sign you're about to get had if you believe it.

As I see it, the really sad thing is that if there were more honesty from the get go, we'd all end up a shitload happier. Human social structure evolved to allow us to work together cooperatively for the good of the whole and the betterment of individuals.

Although I haven't been in the hobby as long as you have, I feel like you were expressing my own thoughts about life in general. Chevalier mentioned that people will become who they are going to become in the hobby due to the nature of their personality rather than their experiences. In other words, its not the experience that makes the person, its the person that makes the overall experience. I'd say that definitely applies to your post. Someone else might walk away with a completely different outlook. Likely, you would have let whatever crossed your path build you up instead up tear you down. Some people are just like that.

I wish you all the luck in the world in attaining your "reset" of intimacy beyond the hobby. I don't even like to think about how hard that will be someday when I am actually ready for a real relationship beyond this life. Honestly, real world relationships and friendships are too scary for me bc of how twisted and reckless people are without the walls of the hobby. I feel safer in my acquantanceships in the hobby than I would in a "normal" life anymore.

When I finally have the spine to step back into the real world, I hope my perspective is as healthy and positive as yours. Originally Posted by thathottnurse

You, my dear, would be a complete and utter distraction!

DV, and Jessica. Seriously, I might take you up on that offer in a little time. I've got a lot of personal irons in the fire and I can tell I'm going to need some time to put the finishing touches on my perspective.

I think I finally understand why some guys pretty much retire from the hobby, yet still frequent these boards.

And one more thought for THN...civilian and sugar dating both have proven pretty much that the same issues in the hobby can and do exist outside it as well. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to end up, but so far, things are definitely proving interesting. We'll see what happens.

+1 (and I too would like to be there for lunch ) Originally Posted by Jessica Jade

Post #80 is the single most sane thing I've read concerning the hobby in years, maybe ever. My life situation is different, and I've avoided some of the damage expressed in this post, but I've come to the exact same conclusions after too many years of exposure to this lifestyle.

I applaud anyone that successfully exits this hobby, be they male or female. Hopefully, I'll fade away too one day.