When you and a client *really* disagree

More than a Liechtenstein delivery service. Originally Posted by pjorourke

Yes, borders are crossed both figuratively and usually literally Truth is it is difficult to explain such a hybrid arrangement to others who have not been in one.

Client/escort relationships run the gamut from a 15 minute hand job to a mistress type relationship. I have no knowledge of this particular relationship but in my experience at the mistress end of the spectrum a lot of things get muddled and many borders are crossed. Originally Posted by discreetgent

really?? i was not aware of that :-) thanks for reminding me as i am usually the one that caters to the 15 minutes hand job clientele ... because you know they don`t talk so much. Its easier for me to move my hands stereotypically in a few directions than to listen to some of the ... i mean seriously.... I`d have to raise my rates in the neverending area if i wanted to be paid for listening (just kidding). and on top of all of it, i seem to be too stupid to entertain a mistress relationship, right? because mrs xy presented here is really the smarter geisha and knows a few skills about that job i seriously have to yet get acquainted with
I mean seriously??? and clients and escorts do more like just exchanging bodily fluids? wow... i wonder in what hole i have been living so far. I really have to take a few lessons from REAL mistresses out there. (just kidding)
but i heard from escorts that are not the smartes bulbs on the planet that they do plenty of things with clients good escorts would not do :-). and can you imagine? I even had a sugardaddy for 7 years who paid all my education and some more.
I also heard of escorts starting to screw clients without condoms
or even without payment
seriously
just because things like that happen does not mean its ok .
Maybe its because i am from europe but in europe this job is regulated
and like all jobs we have guide lines. And if the areas are too shady between clients and escorts never has anything good come out of it. I have clients who are friends of mine, but they still have to pay my rates if they want their 15 minutes of mistress dom. Or ...what was that again??
Usually in my experience when area is shady someone gets abused in the long run and someone will be unhappy.
It seems this escort is already unhappy with that agreement. So - get a step back. Or refer the guy to someone else.

You don't wear sarcasm very well.

from what i read the story speaks for itself. I do not need to psychoanalyze every person personally before voicing an opinion. Some things just speak for itself. I accuse her of unprofessionalism and she proofs me right from that story. Originally Posted by ninasastri

It's not like there is a text book for this profession. She came here to a like minded community asking for advice. How is it unprofessional to seek a solution that works for both parties involved? Our world is very special,personal and intimate. An open mind and compassion are needed here, not an armchair psychologist.

It's not like there is a text book for this profession. She came here to a like minded community asking for advice. How is it unprofessional to seek a solution that works for both parties involved? Our world is very special,personal and intimate. An open mind and compassion are needed here, not an armchair psychologist. Originally Posted by Ansley

As far as i am concerned SHE did not come here asking for advice, her GF did? Which already shows how much she cannot handle the situation if this needs to be posted on an internet board. ANd her GF does so. So it must be an awful situation for the escort. Because usually i don`t think about my clients so much that a girlfriend needs to seek advice for me. Or is it her herself tlaking about herself in the third person. Asking for advice is a good thing. But if i am not ready to hear the answers then i probably should not ask.

I gave my answer. That client is not compassionate. He seems to be a jerk. Probably an abuser, if he still talks racist and does not mind offending people. I mean hell yeah, a racist IS an abuser. People who live in hierarchies of "better bigger faster more" (and of course think they themselves play in league A as opposed to league B and league C where they put other people into - classify in my book as ABUSERS) so finding consensual agreements with potential abusers is not possible. She will be a nervous wreck trying to bend over for that guy or talk to him. Guys like that need to be played with in the same way they play others. He is asking for being offended in my book - no - not asking, but begging on his knees for it. She does not have the qualities that cater to such guys. She gives in. So drop him. He is not good for her. He already started abusing her. Bigtime. And he knows. They all do.

Take a step back and see what suits you. Suiting a client and yourself is a tough street. Even in real relationships its a challenge, and there is mostly NO money involved. As long as a guy pays he qualifies as client. And it seems to me he does not search for a mutually consensual agreement, since SHE (correct me if i am wrong) told him repeatedly already she is offended? He does not listen? Then there is loves labours lost.
She must do something to make herself feel good. Since this guy is not her lover its fairly easy. Its much harder to drop a guy you love or who loves you for various and similar reasons.
WIth a client there are some things that make your life fairly easy. That is why i LOVE LOVE LOVE that job myself.
I love my clients and its an enterprise to travel with most of them . I just came home from 2 days in bratislava and had the time of my life. AND the guy paid me!

So - since i have already two boyfriends that trouble me some time (right now i have two and its hard to make them get arranged to each other in a primary and secondary relationship - so yes - i know a deal about compassion or not - some might not believe that :-)......)

But in a paid arrangement you should NEVER NEVER NEVER sell your soul.
so, my - compassionate advice: if a client brings you hardships - drop him. He starts trampling on your feet in the long run. A client should be fun! And he should be having fun as well. If he wants to offend, that falls in the SM department of psychological brainfuck which costs a few $$$$$$ extra in my book and is not catered upon in my services.

I already have a private life with the occasional brainfuck. And they don`t even pay me.. what a pooor poor me. yikes. so you see, i am stupid :-) and capable of calling myself that any day. How i love to kick my own ass :-). But i NEVER let a client EVER kick my ass! EVER. My friends - anytime.

So - i don`t need clients to complicate my life. Nor do they need me to complicate theirs. So - sometimes the best advice is to be honest - talk to the client HONESTLY without playing games. See how he reacts. If he doesn`t change, drop him. Even if you like him. Even if he pays good. Sometimes its not possible to cater to all people involved without making someone feel bad or abused. so no matter how you call it: mistress dom, shady agreements, abusive Geisha-dom - it comes down to the same: a guy who pays is a client. you can`t cater to his needs? He does not budge? Drop him. He will budge if you matter to him. If you don`t - well its a big big world and we are big big girls, other escorts probably cater to him in no time and are not offended. Searching solutions is a two way street.
my experience: the one who pays does not want to budge.
because if he wanted to - he would not pay. And she would be his GF.
Most people pay because they want something easy. And not constantly "offended" company. (That is what wives are for...;-)...) If he is a racist, either bring arguments that make him stop, or start insulting and offending him yourself. Or - drop him. I would do the last.

So - i am sometimes rude, because we are in a rude world and clients constantly try to step over our limits and try to sneak into our private lives. So an escort has to develop some kind of tough skin to be able to handle that. If she is offended, she should listen to her inner voice which already YELLS TO HER "STOP STOP STOP" i am overstepping my personal boundaries"

and not do that.
Escorts who constantly overstep boundaries to cater to clients do not do themselves a great job in the long run. Better loose a few $$$ and be happy then the other way round. This job is hard enough with all these intimacies. Strangers touching your body and such. So i really don`t need a client to fuck my brain too. Not worth it.
As i said - our private lives are complicated enough. Escorting is there to be plain and simple. If a guy gives you a headache, he most certainly is not worth it.

@Nina

What you've said makes you sound like a mean bitch. This board is a lot nicer than that (mostly).

If that's the attitude you bring to the USA, please stay in Europe.

So - i am sometimes rude, because we are in a rude world and clients constantly try to step over our limits and try to sneak into our private lives. So an escort has to develop some kind of tough skin to be able to handle that. Originally Posted by ninasastri

It sounds like you and I have chosen to navigate around life very differently.

imo, Nina's advice / opinion is as important -- if not more so -- than "open mind and compassion." this is a job. i believe OP moved away from professional hourly position too fast (if it was smart to do at all, in this case) into something possibly far less advantageous for her.

again, imo, Nina has said nothing wrong here.

imo, Nina's advice / opinion is as important -- if not more so -- than "open mind and compassion." this is a job. i believe OP moved away from professional hourly position too fast (if it was smart to do at all, in this case) into something possibly far less advantageous for her.

again, imo, Nina has said nothing wrong here. Originally Posted by ..

The opinion and the sentiment in of itself isn't the issue. OTOH how it is said makes a huge difference.

More than a Liechtenstein delivery service. Originally Posted by pjorourke

Yes, borders are crossed both figuratively and usually literally Truth is it is difficult to explain such a hybrid arrangement to others who have not been in one. Originally Posted by discreetgent

Last time I heard about an invasion of Liechtenstein was 2007—it was a company of Swiss infantry (170 in fact) led by a lost lieuwy with a compass (but no cucumbers). LOL http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/archive.../t-188472.html

The opinion and the sentiment in of itself isn't the issue. OTOH how it is said makes a huge difference. Originally Posted by discreetgent

oh, i see. it isn't what she said, it is how she said it that is soooo offensive. huh.

The opinion and the sentiment in of itself isn't the issue. OTOH how it is said makes a huge difference. Originally Posted by discreetgent

youre right. But sorry, i do not think that someone who is an abuser and treats escorts like that deserves to be catered to like Prince Charming. And escorting is a profession after all. YOu offer services and don`t sell your soul. Or real relationships. Catering to all people involved is a good and wishful thinking. "How many psychologists does it need to change a lightbulb?"
"Only one but the bulb has to be willing to change".

And i think catering to an abusive guy and making his racism something that deserves to be treated well - by however nice any other escort myight be - except me, in my book is overdoing the "nice and compassion" thing. Some people abuse exactly that.

Personally: i would not take such a guys money. He is a racist? It does not matter to me how many $$ he pays, i do not sleep with the enemy. I insult him on his levels and then he will stop paying me from itself. But catering to a racist in a "almost private dating kind" speaks for a weak mind. My pride forbids me. If that is rude, so be it. I`d talk to that guy, but i would not let him enter my "almost private life" . Ever. So sorry, that my compassion for an escort doing so is a bit on the lacking side. My friends are black and polyamorous. So - i do not need racists or anything catering to them in my poor little evil bitch life. I think women who sell themselves for any $$ available don`t really need my compassion? She reaped what she saw. I am a mean bitch in such people`s eyes? Good enough. I simply do not suck racists cocks. Ever.

oh, i see. it isn't what she said, it is how she said it that is soooo offensive. huh.

Originally Posted by ..

Well, yeah. I could respond to a statement someone made in a number of ways.

1. What a fucking assinine comment; you're clearly in over your head with absolutely no clue what the hell you are talking about.

OR

2. Your comment suggests that you may have overlooked the following points. (followed by the points that were missed).

So what is offensive, my opinion about the statement or the way I stated it?

You and I use #1 with each other all the time.

Yeah ..... we like each other.