ROVER14 get over yourself and .... BLONDE jokes!

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor askes her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."
"The bastard called twice"

One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".

He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."

A blond is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.

She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with his drink.

"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!!!!??"

"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"


Not really a blond joke, but ...

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit"

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says.. "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave

Two young blonde women are sitting at a table in a coffee shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them something to drink. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? We know how many men went down on the Titanic.

I don't even know what I did this time.

Here is my penance...

Twenty-five (25) things a blonde says during sex.

1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. But whipped cream makes me break out.
5. (In the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
6. I accept Visa?
7. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
8. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!
9. Hope you're as good- looking when I'm sober...
10. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
11. This would be more fun with a few more people.
12. You're almost as good as my ex!
13. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
14. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
15. No, really... I do this part better myself!
16. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
17. I think you have it on backwards.
18. When is this supposed to feel good?
19. You're good enough to do this for a living!
20. Is that blood on the headboard?
21. Did I remember to take my pill?
22. That leak better be from the waterbed!
23. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
24. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
25. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? We know how many men went down on the Titanic. Originally Posted by PDid

I was going to refrain from posting for a while because someone said I was bad, but then I found this joke...

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.

After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.

"There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette. "No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait.

Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?"

"What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the indignant blonde, "You used your hands!"

What if some poor girl (or guy, I guess) is offended by the blonde jokes I'm am posting?

A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview . The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Eh... 23!".

The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And eh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Oh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"

After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.

Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.

To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.

After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but missed!

Two blondes are walking down the highway when one goes "Look! A dead bird!" The other one looks up into the sky and goes, Where!?!? Where!?!?