It's About Time Those Kinetians Stepped up to the Plate!
By Robert Morrison
It's not a war we're fighting in Libya, Ben Rhodes assures us, it's a kinetic military action. Rhodes, the president's deputy national security adviser, is nothing if not reassuring.
I was afraid they were going to call it a "police action." That's what Harry Truman called Korea. But we know what President Obama thinks of police actions. They are "stupid," even if they are run by Cambridge cops who've been to Harvard sensitivity training sessions. We wouldn't want our commander-in-chief to have to resort to a beer summit with Gaddafi.
It's about time those Kinetians stepped up to the plate. They haven't really had an all-out military action since World War II. They've been sitting up there, looking down on us, sniping at our fixation with guns and, even worse, our Yankee determination to keep and bear arms without a national health care scheme.
The Kinetians should make short work of Gaddafi's military. After all, Gaddafi hasn't had the chance yet to spend that money from the Obama budget--$2 million at last count -- that was to going to train his generals in "counter terrorism." Why a guy who has $29 billion in Swiss bank accounts needs foreign aid from the United States is another question.
Now, this administration wants no part of leading the military action in Libya. That would be too arrogant, too much like a certain cowboy. We know that the only proper way to get into action is if the administration's cowgirls call all the shots. Hillary Clinton, Samantha Power and Susan Rice have been credited with being the true powers behind the throne on this one.
Susan Rice reportedly sees in Libya a new Rwanda. Samantha Power sees in Libya a new Bosnia. And Hillary, of course, sees in Libya the Iowa Caucuses. So that now- famous 3 a.m. phone call will be a conference call, and it will sound like The View. These "Valkyries," as warrior women are called, want President Obama to man up.
Mr. Obama was hesitant to get involved in the first place. He didn't want to interrupt spring break on the beach at Ipanema. He had promised his lovely wife, his darling daughters, and his mother-in-law that nothing would delay his Latin American trip.
He might have blown off wife and daughters, but his mother-in-law is reputed to be formidable. Hey, maybe he should send her to Libya to read Gaddafi the riot act. It's clear he won't be sending the Marines "to the shores of Tripoli."
President Obama wants to lowball expectations for this one. Last year this time, he was in the final stretch in the battle for health care. He twice postponed his presidential victory lap around Indonesia, his boyhood home. He was positively bellicose as he put first things first. "Get in their face," he told rallies of supporters, "if they bring a knife, bring a gun." He urged Hispanic Americans to take it out on their "enemies."
Fortunately, he was only talking about congressional Republicans then. If he spoke that way about America's enemies abroad, the Norwegians might have revoked his Nobel Peace Prize.
To make sure that nobody accuses him of the dread sin of unilateralism, it's better to send in the Kinetians. The Kinetians don't have any aircraft carriers, it's true. So it's harder to outsource our overseas contingency operations to folks like that. But they do have all the right attitudes.
For one thing, they're bilingual. They have to be. It's like a law. And they have plenty of "boots on the ground." They have tongue troopers to make sure that Kentucky Fried Chicken signs are posted in two languages. That is, unless the KFC in question happens to be in a majority francophone area. Then, one language, provided it's French, will suffice. All languages are equal, but with the Kinetians, some are more equal than others.
Those bilingual Kinetians are the perfect folks to interface with France's Nicolas Sarkozy, who seems to be leading the effort in Libya -- as much as anybody is. Sarkozy has been beating the overseas contingency operation drums for this action against Libya.
The Germans are less supportive. They haven't moved this fast to depart the trackless North African sands since that desert fox Rommel got kicked out of there in `42. And the Italian leader, Berlusconi, is only willing to fight Gaddafi if it looks like he might get phone numbers for some of those blond Ukrainian nurses who always accompany the Libyan colonel.
Some liberals are complaining there is no exit strategy. They're forever looking for the exit signs. Of course the president had an exit strategy: Wait until Congress exits the capital. And this all shows how consistent this administration is: they didn't have an entry strategy either. As for the middle, it's a muddle. It's as they say--kinetic.