1. These are strung together like you'd hear from a stand-up comedian. Enjoy !
2. Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
3. The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
4. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.
5. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
6. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
7. After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”
8. I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
9. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
10. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
11. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
- artee4fun
- 01-16-2013, 02:50 PM
- *GoddessDallas*
- 01-16-2013, 04:36 PM
Very funny!
- Sweet N Little
- 01-16-2013, 10:19 PM
Fuuny Artee !! 
v
v
- Gipper4
- 01-17-2013, 09:32 AM
Nice, thanks for the laughs....
- Relaxer
- 01-20-2013, 03:11 PM
Thanks for sharing the one-liners!
- mikkifine
- 01-21-2013, 01:28 AM
LOL! I had to add those to my website.