What would you do?

Okay, put on your thinking caps and engage your imagination. You wake up tomorrow morning and you are Joe Biden. Just like Quantum Leap or Gabriel Over the Whitehouse, you are the President of the United States. Everyone sees you as Joe and reacts to you as Joe. You do have all the infirmities of a 78-year-old man, but your mind is sharp...well, at least VP is kind of sharp. You notice a kind of time clock floating off to the side that only you can see. It started at 14 days and seems to be counting down. Reasonable to assume that you have 14 days until something happens. You have no idea how this happened but here you are. What do you do? To keep it short; limit yourself to 10 items. They have to be legal and constitutional. Remember, executive orders only last as long as the next guy (or woman) lets them stand.

so he has 14 days? theres not much he can do in 14 days.


He can issue EOs to reverse the pipeline, restore oil leases and drilling.


all of that is guaranteed to piss off the lunatic greenies.

It's the honorable thing to do. It's a Winner. Although, if I was really thinking of the Win-Win-Win, him detonating a hand grenade while sitting between Kamala and Nancy leaps to mind.

Well the mind is sharp requirement turns this into a non-starter.

But he has got to stop doing things to pacify his fringe supporters that ruins the economy for everyone.

Have Hunter hook me up and party for two weeks.
Fuck it.

Review 10 of the pardons Trump handed out to his cronies ? They are even better than an executive order.

They are not his fringe supporters but yours. You are Joe Biden as far as the world knows.

My list and reasons:

I'm sure part of the inner circle is tasked with insulating me from the world, the press, and the workings of government. So, I have to have new people and do things very publicly. I need a new secretary, a new assistant, a new press secretary, and an new interim chief of staff that I personally went out and chose from the candidates. So that is the first order of business;
1. Get a new staff that will not keep me away from things or lie to me, or hide things from me.

If I'm here, where is Joe?
2. Send someone discreet to my address to see if I'm wandering around the neighborhood with no pants and sniffing all the kids. Stop that guy and sit on him in his house.

Along with new staff, I need a cabinet that can get things done correctly and for the country.
3. Have a public press conference in the cabinet room through my new press secretary. As each cabinet level officer finds their seat, they will find a folder. Inside the folder are two documents. One is a formal letter of resignation and the other is a letter of official termination. They can choose which one they want to go with. I will accept the letter of resignation from the following people immediately (and circumventing the 25th amendment):
Attorney General Merritt Garland
Environmental Advisor John Kerry
Secretary of State Anthony Blinken
Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen
Transportation Secretary Pete Buttgieg
Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin
Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Beccera
Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona
Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas
White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain
General Milly of the Joint Chiefs
and Anthony Faucci who I will order the Justice Department to investigate for perjury, collusion with a foreign power, misuse of public money, and accessory to crimes against humanity.
This will all be done publicly, on camera, complete with an explanation each member is being removed.
It shouldn't have to be said, but I have a list of replacements that I expect Harris to push through the Senate. She's a big girl, she can multi-task.

I have to have "the talk" with Kamala. I need her to rule the senate and I have to put the fear of me in her. She can be shit canned in place and given the worst assignments that she must commit to so that she either flames out spectacularly or actually grows in the job. She can resign otherwise.
4. Give Kamala the news (in public) that I expect more from her and I think she has it in her to be a good VP. I will assign her a team of experts to bring her up to speed on the border, energy, national defense, crime, and ethics. Personally, I expect her to fail in short order and I'll push for her removal.

We have to get this economy back on track so live by the executive order, die by the executive order.
5. I will reverse all executive orders made in the first weeks of this administration putting the Keystone Pipeline back together (with a bonus to all the oil men who lost money from the cancellation), put the border fence up immediately, call out the national guard in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California to patrol the border with an eye to national security. If any governor resists (hello Gavin Newsom) federal marshals will arrest them.

China and Russia do not get off the hook.
6. Revoke Hunter Biden's access to the White House. order a DOJ investigation into his activities for foreign powers. (Remember, I don't expect to be here in two weeks). Arrest Eric Swalwell for activities with a Chinese spy along with Hillary Clinton, Adam Schiff, and Diane Feinstein. I will order the FBI to complete a security check on every foreign scholar in this country from China and Russia. They fail, they're out of this country. I want to see some pushback against the Chinese. More freedom of navigation exercises off the coast of China and port visits to Taiwan. I believe that more guns make us a more polite society so the same thing applies to tactical nukes. Japan, Taiwan, and South Korea will get what they need to defend themselves.

We need some correction domestically.
7. A review of all FBI, IRS, and CIA activities over the past 20 years primarily focusing on the last eight. Any agent involved using the tax code against lawful citizens will be fired and their benefits terminated. If they have already slinked off into the night, then we will try to rake back those benefits. The short list if Lois Lerner, Anthony Fauci, Director Wray, former CIA chief Brenner, and all the others involved in the waste of time Russia, Russia, Russia scandal. I want to make them squirm like they did General Petraeus and Flynn.

Some things I can do with a stroke of pen which is permanent.
8. Issue pardons to everyone from Donald Trump on down whether they chose to accept them or not. This also includes anyone charged with simple trespass from January 6th. Violent crimes are not pardonable. Issue pardons to Flynn, Stone, and Patereaus. This should put a stop to the waste of time of more shit shows.

Supply, supply, supply
9. Use the defense authorization act to leverage the immediate output of baby formula, fertilizer, and domestic electronic manufacture. We need to harden our electric grid and jump start the nuclear power industry. You can't order crops to grow faster but you can order an end to the corn subsidy for putting food into gas tanks. Ethanol is not good for the environment and alcohol is not good for your engine.

Jill Biden is pretty well put together for her age.
10. Fuck Jill Biden in the ass if old Joe's body can still get it up.

then I rest and let the shit hit the fan. Maybe I'll take a tour of some of the great warships of our navy.

One more thing, I want to be the first president to go on public record of telling Putin, the Saudis, and Xi to "Go fuck themselves"

25th biden!

You had me until fuck Jill in the ass.

Along with new staff, I need a cabinet that can get things done correctly and for the country


Originally Posted by the_real_Barleycorn

What you need is to get a life....who the fuck sits around thinking up stupid shit like this?

Wtf...you think you're a writer on SNL?

What you need is to get a life....who the fuck sits around thinking up stupid shit like this?

Wtf...you think you're a writer on SNL? Originally Posted by WTF

+1

JD is a school teacher? Got bless his students.

I would need to know what the countdown was for. If that was in the body of the post, then I still don't give a fuck.

You had me until fuck Jill in the ass. Originally Posted by Jacuzzme

He had me until choosing his own staff. He, the "inside" Joe president, would replace all of his staff. Well, that in itself would take a fortnight.

Unless pre-selected and pre-approved.

What you need is to get a life....who the fuck sits around thinking up stupid shit like this?

Wtf...you think you're a writer on SNL? Originally Posted by WTF

I like that he's a creative conservative. Art is not limited to the "out-there" expressionist.

Rockwell, anyone?

He's off for the summer school break. Unless he's teaching summer school. In which case . . .

+1

JD is a school teacher? Got bless his students. Originally Posted by adav8s28

. . . I really pray for his students.

He is either teaching retards or soon to be....

Don't be discouraged Barley, as long as the story works. Write it.


Don't pull a "Joan Collins".

He is either teaching retards or soon to be.... Originally Posted by WTF