*Now this rant is going to sound unbelievable coming from a marketeer (and a woman)...but it's truly Really how I feel*
So we are again middle of that crazy spending season...and you better be spending or the economy will collapse stocks will crash ppl will lose jobs oh no!
A year ago I looked into my closet...full of teenagy clothes...outdated fashions...stuff I overspent on because I never/rarely wore...and I'm thinking of this disease...and it is a disease...I had back then...where if I felt lonely I went shopping, I felt bored I went shopping for someThing to entertain me bedazzle me, cheer me up...something pretty and New. So I brought it home...always something expensive...added it to my collection of barely used clothes in the closet...waiting for the right time to come so I could wear it. Time never came/comes...
So now I'm looking inside my closet feeling this heavy burden...I take a garbage bag start throwing more than half my closet in there, sorting out what could be sold, donated, or just dumped. I had to get rid of as much as possible.
After getting rid of all that Junk, I feel so much lighter, better, free..
I told myself then no more stupid compulsive emotional shopping.
And I made good on that promise, by avoiding the mall completely for months - that was the only way I could control myself.
Fast forward to last spring/summer...and the cycle began again. I felt like a new person and to make the image of this new character strong I had to re-vamp my entire wardrobe. So I dropped a shitload of money into my favorite designers.
I felt good, I felt guilty but justified my spending by saying my happiness is worth it.
Because I was still trying to hit my savings goal I had to work even more so I could keep shopping and buying clothes for this new persona. I was happy when I hit all my goals - bills no problem - savings - shopping - yayy but miserable stressed overwhelmed...trying to figure out how I could make more because there was still so much shopping to do...the stores kept coming out with new pretty things I needed for my collection.
Then this fall I finally collapsed. I just quit. Shopping. I felt so disgusting and fed-up. Funny at the same time at my job I was working on a marketing plan with my team to launch this heating/cooling unit and I was head of my team, I enjoyed the responsibility, of the creative design, and doing the research....I was working in all my personal time as well studying researching reading up on all the top marketing gurus...getting deeper into the mind of the consumer, all kinds of strategies...er brainwashing....I was giving lectures...I thought this is where I belong...I'm so glad I found my niche.
And then...I quit.
It's like a switch turned off, my whole perspective did a 360
All this advertising we're bombarded with 24/7....that snickers bar...another new mac...nikes...coach purse....closet organizers to hold all your junk in a neat orderly fashion lol
all the work that goes into it
to make ppl spend spend keep spending enough keep spending more
people struggling to make ends meet...because the list of wants is infinite
People lining up in the freezing cold overnight for black friday deals...more junk
And it never ends. Why do you use materialistic things to fill that empty void? Why do you need to drop thousands for a ring, fancy wedding in order to live happily ever after with the love of your life to make her happy...and of course show off to people your wealth...
We are never satisfied. Nor can we quite figure out exactly what it is we lack that produces this ache of dissatisfaction.
The American way of life has degenerated into a crisis of addiction, with most of us trying to fill the void within us with whatever promises to take away the angst of existence so common to us in the West, however temporarily. We crave something beyond our experience, and the pain of that longing haunts us in every lonely moment, every empty victory, every success or acquisition which can only disappoint us when the smoke of novelty clears and we find ourselves alone again with our dissatisfaction.
The great Buddhist scripture, The Dhammapada , tells us that "from craving arises sorrow and from craving arises fear."
What is wealth anyway?
Is it a huge endless supply of money energy to give you the purchasing power to keep buying your happiness..
But what if you're a cheapskate, you live frugally, and never indulge in all the materialistic pleasures of a physical existence...are you better healthier than all those other materialistic people? Are you happier?
I don't know.
I feel there is a delicate balance to all of this...
But I've reached a stage where I'm beginning to see in a new light...what I really value; experiences, my love for traveling, connections with people...I stay from random shopping...but it's like whenever I'm visiting a new place and I ask for advice on what to do...all ppl can tell me is about all the shopping and restaurants shopping and restaurants...you've got to be fucking kiddin...!
it seems so easy...you've wanted that car for so long and now you can finally buy it - because it will make you so happy, you're walking through the mall - (which makes me sick to my stomach now btw) and you see this nice suit...you immediately think how you'll FEEL wearing it...see how this disease works?
You can't even watch mtv vh1 for the music because of those stupid celebrity shows where they take you on a tour of their homes, closets...and it's so disgusting...makes me sick...how that money could have been spent somewhere else...
Then you see and hear of those "silent" people struggling not to meet their wants but their basic needs...it's so funny...here you are spending 10k on your christmas vacation getaway ...and there's ppl out there trying to figure out how they'll afford food, rent, for another week
I'm not sure how I feel about it.
It's like the caste system in india
thanks for reading my crazy rant. i'm sure it's just part of my seasonal depression