Submissive to Dominant

I'm normally more of a submissive, but I definitely have a sadistic streak to me. I'm interested in exploring my dominant side, and have had a little experience with this. (I'm taking it slowly!) I've read a lot of the major books on the topics. I can think of things to DO... but I'm kinda shy at vocalizing things. Yes, I know communication is key, and I'm careful to check that what I'm doing with my sub is okay, that I'm not taking things too far, and that they are mostly comfy. But I'm at a bit of a loss as to what else I can say while being dominant? Any ideas or pointers? Specifics appreciated

Hi Gfemanda,

You could look at this a number of ways. First off, as a submissive, you know some of the things that turn YOU on... so just reverse them and see if they do the same for your partner.

Or, you could also sit down with your play partner and have some discussions about play, finding out what kinds of play make them go zoom!, and what kinds are more meh. If they have a hard time telling you, ask them to write it down, or send you the link to a hot story they read on the web that excited them. Then apply that to your play and see how it works.

And finally, you don't really have to say anything. For some people talking during a scene makes it hard for them to concentrate on the sensations. But it is nice for most to hear their domme whisper wicked things in their ear, about how hot their submission is making them, or just 'five more sweetie...oops, did I forget to count again? Silly me! Whack!'

There isn't a hard and fast rule for any of this. Try some things, they may not work sometimes, but that's ok. It's all a learning process, and the goal is to enjoy, so don't sweat the small stuff.

I agree with Krunkman. Being a dom as a wide array of meanings and activities. I can enjoy being submissive for some things and not others. The key thing is to individualize for your partner which is obvious but also figure out what works best for you.

Please come to Houston to practice!

Some of th best Domme ladies are actually subs.... More empathy for their subs. You go girl, enjoy to the fullest.

Fetish

In original Leather culture, before you could be a master you were first required to be a slave. You earned your boots, etc. and earned the right to top.

IMHO, there is value in this. I exercise a version in my life by always experiencing a toy myself before I use it in a scene. (Flogger was no big deal; figging sucked!!)

My point is that I believe you should view your subby disposition as a plus instead of minus as you begin exploring the other end of the whip.

Slapandtickle - if you were sucking on the ginger root, you were doing it wrong!!!

Ah, watch & learn, Grasshopper.

In original Leather culture, before you could be a master you were first required to be a slave. You earned your boots, etc. and earned the right to top.

IMHO, there is value in this. I exercise a version in my life by always experiencing a toy myself before I use it in a scene. (Flogger was no big deal; figging sucked!!)

My point is that I believe you should view your subby disposition as a plus instead of minus as you begin exploring the other end of the whip. Originally Posted by SlapAndTickle

With the exception of CBT, I have also pretty much experienced everything that I've done to a man. I really like S&T's response along with the others.

I sincerely believe that the best dominants were once submissive. And I have found that true within myself (Although I would never admit to being a good domme. Too many out there that are better than I could ever be. But I am sensitive, eager and fairly experienced and so that gets me through!). Of course, I still have that submissive side but it's exceptionally rare that I show it except in more vanilla situations.

So you're really at an advantage. Also, amanda, I really liked it when you wrote that you cared about your submissive's feelings and what he/she is going through. I believe that you're already on the right track with that.

One of the reasons why I rarely sub more, and I'm always looking to experiment with others but it just isn't there much for me, is most men really don't see me being submissive to them as a gift.

And there are a few things that I REALLY want to try. But until I find the right person to share that experience with ... and give him the special gift of doing something with me for the first time ... then it's not going to happen.

It's a little different when you have boundaries of time and there is money involved, but I still try to keep my experiences even in the p4p world as close as possible to what I would do privately.

Elisabeth

If I read your post correctly you are looking for dialog ideas. In my first experience with bondage (in the Convent of the Twisted Sister) as she chained me to the bed, she whispered in my ear "no one knows your here, what if I call my fiends to come and watch what I do to you?" It was a great turn on and she could tell so she continued in that direction, describing what her friends boys and girls would be waring and what they would be doing to me for the entire weekend all the time whispering and licking my ear.......it was an very big turn on.

The verbal part is waay tricky. The best experiences I have had with dominants/providers is when they/I/we take time to cover some of my hot button topics/kinks beforehand. Those that I might not really do but to be teased, taunted and threatened with them is most thrilling. E-mail, phone and in person prior to kickoff..... Kind of like doing your homework on a client before a sales call.

My boots have a brown stripe at the top as I am master of the hounds!

Anyone know of any domme providers in Austin or San Antonio?

Everyone, thank you SO much for the responses! It's a real encouragement to me!

LuckJack, thank you for the dialog suggestions. Any other ideas for dialog?

gfeamanda, I recently returned to the Convent (see my post in the realm) I took a provider with me who is interested in Dom, bondage, etc. I noticed quickly that Lindsey Lacy was constantly talking to her in a calm voice and explaining what she was about to do. At one point she had Jacxxx hooked up to the Violet Wand and she was on the cross, Jacxxx's nose made contact with LL's clit and she giggled. That lead to a conversation as to each Dom needs to find their comfort zone and adapt to each client, a light laugh can show control as much as humiliation dialog which I hate.