I met a submissive woman

I just started dating this very beautiful lady who is not a provider, only seen her a couple of times no intimate contact so far. On our second date were were flirting she told she is submissive sexually and what did I think about it. I said it sounded very erotic which is true, but what I did not tell her is that I have no clue as to what to expect or is expected from me. I know that this is a question that may be too general , but if anyone cares to break down to a little more details I would appreciate it. The thing is she told she is a supervisor of 400 people as their boss she is very assertive, and appears confident. When I was kissing her goodbye the second date she took my hand to the back of her head and closed it grabbing a bunch of her and tugged on it to motion that she wanted me to pull her hair. When I did I could feel her melting in my arms. She then gave me this sexy look as she walked in her house and said see you Sunday, which is our next date. I was turned on but I am not sure what should I do or what to expect when we meet again Sunday when I am certain we are going to go way beyond a goodnight kiss, although it all seems very erotic.

WTF! Watch a couple of Sasha Grey flicks, this will give you an idea of an extreme submissive slut. After your done jacking off remember to cut the intensity to about half of what you saw in the Sasha Grey movies. This would probably be a good starting point and then you can adjust accordingly to how your lady responds. You definitely don't want to start off too dominant and scare the shit out of her but it sounds like a few hard smacks on the ass and maybe your hand firmly around her neck (not too firm but just enough to let her know you got the dick and you're in control) and some dirty talk and you're good to go. If she's into that push it a little more. I think you just struck gold my friend. Lucky motherfucker.

A hot, less porn-ish scene is from the Secretary. YOu can watch the scenes from it on youtube where James Spader dominates his secretary Maggie Gyllenhall. HOT.

Something you might try also if to push her against a wall and press her against it while kissing her hard. Put her hands up over her head and hold them against the wall. Works on floors also! Let her know you are in charge, she will love it.

Have fun

Wild idea here. . . ask her, not us.

Wild idea here. . . ask her, not us. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

Um, how about her AND us...I was rather enjoying the discussion!

Lucky motha f-er. Don't screw it up

Wild idea here. . . ask her, not us. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

The whole point of being a sub I'd that she doesn't want to give direction. She wants to be taken and not be in control. I know where you're coming from wanting to be considerate of her feelings and all and that's a good thing. I'm not trying to belittle your point of view at all. In this case she gave him a preview of what she wanted with her putting his hand to the back of her head. Now he needs to take control. She even told him already that she is a sub. She wants to be "used" so to speak. If she has to give him blow by blow instructions she becomes somewhat dom and not getting what imo is the true sub experience she really wants. Next time they start getting hot and heavy this guy better grab her by the back of the head, tell her "I wanna fuck the shit out of you!" And throw her on the bed, couch, floor, etc. She'll love it and if not then she's not a true sub.

Um, how about her AND us...I was rather enjoying the discussion! Originally Posted by JDNorthface

Better, of course.

The whole point of being a sub I'd that she doesn't want to give direction. She wants to be taken and not be in control. I know where you're coming from wanting to be considerate of her feelings and all and that's a good thing. I'm not trying to belittle your point of view at all. In this case she gave him a preview of what she wanted with her putting his hand to the back of her head. Now he needs to take control. She even told him already that she is a sub. She wants to be "used" so to speak. If she has to give him blow by blow instructions she becomes somewhat dom and not getting what imo is the true sub experience she really wants. Next time they start getting hot and heavy this guy better grab her by the back of the head, tell her "I wanna fuck the shit out of you!" And throw her on the bed, couch, floor, etc. She'll love it and if not then she's not a true sub. Originally Posted by clitlicker7

My thought is that the "degree" of submission could be an issue. So many words today are taken out of context, it would be unfortunate if her idea of "submissive" is less than you describe, there isn't a cast in stone definition out there. Not recommending a blow by blow script, just a verbal walk through the first time around.

My thought is that the "degree" of submission could be an issue. So many words today are taken out of context, it would be unfortunate if her idea of "submissive" is less than you describe, there isn't a cast in stone definition out there. Not recommending a blow by blow script, just a verbal walk through the first time around. Originally Posted by Iaintliein

You're right LL. It didn't cross my mind that she might want to be sensualy dominated. I think we all want our very own Sasha Grey type girl that will do ANYTHING we want and do it with a smile. I guess I went to that dark place in my mind about my own fantasies. But as I said before you're right on. This woman might be looking for something more vanilla. In that case a nice chat with a bottle of wine or liquor will open up the lines of communication. Or he could just go for broke and show up at her house wearing a leather outfit mask and all.

You're right LL. It didn't cross my mind that she might want to be sensualy dominated. I think we all want our very own Sasha Grey type girl that will do ANYTHING we want and do it with a smile. I guess I went to that dark place in my mind about my own fantasies. But as I said before you're right on. This woman might be looking for something more vanilla. In that case a nice chat with a bottle of wine or liquor will open up the lines of communication. Or he could just go for broke and show up at her house wearing a leather outfit mask and all. Originally Posted by clitlicker7

Bwaaah, haa, ha, he could do both!

Merry Christmas to All!

I think you should show her the Sasha Grey movie and gauge her reaction to it.

Everyone has limits and it is good to set those prior to pushing bounders.....just ask her what her limits are and this can open up your line of discussion on her version of kink and submissive.......Have fun!

@Racecardriver - I would suggest taking things slow to start. It's very easy to go too fast and ruin things when you get into a BDSM relationship. There are a ton of potential minefields (emotional, physical, etc) that you have to navigate.

She's shown you already that she likes for you to take charge a bit. When you start your next date take charge at the beginning. Select a restaurant you think she might like, when the waiter is gone ask her what she feels like and then when he returns to take your order tell him what she wants. Keep doing subtle dominant things and watch her reaction. When you are leaving and are at the car, walk her to the passenger side and before she gets in kiss her passionately and gently, but firmly, control her body. If she melts in your arms like last time, then you know this is working. Stay in that mode as you drive home and don't be afraid to ask her questions, gauging her reactions, etc.

I wouldn't go to far beyond the normal sex things the first time (i.e. no ropes, whips, etc). There's plenty of time for that. If you feel that she is into the bondage and submission route, then get an old tie and tie her hands behind her back and have her kneel and take your cock in her mouth. Or if you are having 'regular' sex, take her doggy style and massage, slap her bottom. If she's into things you'll know pretty fast.

So the golden rule here is don't break your toy too fast! There's going to be plenty of time to learn about her in the future if you play your cards right. There are also tons of online sources for information - just make sure they pass the common sense test before you apply them.

And let us know how it went!

@Racecardriver - I would suggest taking things slow to start. It's very easy to go too fast and ruin things when you get into a BDSM relationship. There are a ton of potential minefields (emotional, physical, etc) that you have to navigate.

She's shown you already that she likes for you to take charge a bit. When you start your next date take charge at the beginning. Select a restaurant you think she might like, when the waiter is gone ask her what she feels like and then when he returns to take your order tell him what she wants. Keep doing subtle dominant things and watch her reaction. When you are leaving and are at the car, walk her to the passenger side and before she gets in kiss her passionately and gently, but firmly, control her body. If she melts in your arms like last time, then you know this is working. Stay in that mode as you drive home and don't be afraid to ask her questions, gauging her reactions, etc.



I wouldn't go to far beyond the normal sex things the first time (i.e. no ropes, whips, etc). There's plenty of time for that. If you feel that she is into the bondage and submission route, then get an old tie and tie her hands behind her back and have her kneel and take your cock in her mouth. Or if you are having 'regular' sex, take her doggy style and massage, slap her bottom. If she's into things you'll know pretty fast.

So the golden rule here is don't break your toy too fast! There's going to be plenty of time to learn about her in the future if you play your cards right. There are also tons of online sources for information - just make sure they pass the common sense test before you apply them.

And let us know how it went! Originally Posted by Krunkman

I appreciate your input. Although I thank all the other posters, I do not believe that porn is a good source of information to apply in real life.
for anyone interested in this topic I found this book to be an excellent source of information:

Different Loving (Brame et al)