Twisted Plattitudes

I thought it might be fun to inject a little humor into the forum. For those of you who are up to the challenge, I'd like to see who can twist a popular platitude without adding or removing more than a couple words. Bonus if you can rearrange the words and make something funny.

For example:

Early to rise, early to bed

People in stone houses shouldn't throw glass

People in glass houses shouldn't get stoned

Beware of gifts bearing Greeks

Got the idea? Your turn.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Woody Allen
"My brain: it's my second favorite organ."

My organ is my second favorite brain.

never marry you twins exwife

Any ideas on how to dissect, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?

A hand in the bush is worth two birds? Sounds like some new pricing code. How about "A hard man is good to find."

Any ideas on how to dissect, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Originally Posted by Badboy_71

Two hands in the bush will make the bird sing!
Two hands in the bush is a worthy bird.

you wont know you like it if you dont let me do it. If you kiss it then you are still pure. Its not cheating if i am a doctor checking for lumps.