The first and most important thing is to make sure that you have plenty of beer on hand. Now you may as well open one since you are looking at them.
Next, get out the cookpot (with basket), a large cooler, burner and propane tank. If the tank feels too light, get the spare out (you do have a spare, don't you?).
Make sure your beer isn't getting warm.
Check the cookpot, if it still has the peanut oil from from the Thanksgiving turkey, pour that back into the container it came in and clean the pot.
Check on your beer again.
Hook up the propane tank and test light the burner and make sure the regulator works.
Get another beer.
It is time to start purging the little buggers, Get out that old plastic baby pool from behind the garage (or wheel barrow, not a blowup pool, they will deflate that in no time). Pour a bunch of that rock salt that you have been saving for an ice storm into the pool and fill it with water to no more than 3" from the top (you don't want to make it too easy to climb out). Take your time and finish your beer.
Now is when the fun begins; Cut the ties on the bug bags and pour them into the pool. Next, gather all the kids around and show them how to hold them, then tell them to sneek up to their moms and show her the bugs. Grab another beer and hide.
Once the coast is clear (or your beer is empty), go get another beer and get what kids are still allowed to play, come and play with the bugs some more. Give them some large slotted spoons and have them fish out the dead bugs, if you have enough kids, you won't have to do this part yourself.
Wait 1-2 beers for the bugs to purge, well maybe 3.
Once the bugs are well purged and the moms have finished slicing the veggies (this can take a while because the kids are having fun chasing them with the bugs). Put the pot on the burner and fill it 2/3 with water, then start the burner on high. Grab another beer.
Once the water is boiling or near boiling (approx 1 beer), add plenty of Zatarain's liquid Concentrated Shrimp and Crab Boil, I start with 8oz. Also add a couple of bags of boil spices too, and a stick of butter. Your beer is probably empty, get another.
Now pour a load of the veggies and sausage in the pot and turn the heat back up and boil for 20 minutes or so until the potatoes, artichokes and all are done. The first batch is going to be on the mild side for all the kids and beginners. This is plenty of time to have a beer.
Pour the veggies over the table and grab a corn before they are gone. Now the water is good and ready for the bugs. Scoop a load of bugs out of the pool and drop them in the pot, turn the burner up and get them to boiling, approx 6 minutes. It is important to hhave a beer in your hand during this part.
Now line the cooler with newspaper and pour the bugs in. Get your jar of Zatarain's Extra Spicy Crawfish, Shrimp and Crab Boil and sprinkle liberally over the bugs and cover with newspaper and close the cooler. Wait about 10 minutes, finish your beer, then pour the buggers over the table.
If you have more veggies and bugs, you can repeat the process until they are gone or you pass out. You can really spice up the veggies by adding some of the dry boil power into the water, it gets into the cracks of the corn and artichokes and tends to burn your lips off if you go too far.
IMPORTANT: Be sure to wash your hands before you pass out otherwise you will wake up, rub your eyes and not be able to see to get back to the beer fridge.
Veggies:
5 Lemons, slice in half (these are to condition the water, not to eat)
Onions, peeled
Corn, cut cobs in half
Potatoes, quartered
Artichokes, trim those spikey things off
Sausage, if you want