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One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students who is supposed to be a crazy and deranged man that...?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Test of Three?"
"That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true and complete?"
"No," the woman replied, "actually I thought it was important since I'm so hot and it sucks being me."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary, he is a f!ugly broke ass loser that..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The woman shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test -- the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really... but,but what he did..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all since how is it relevant to this world?"
The woman was defeated, ashamed and said no more.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
