Things I (Should Have) Learned from Grandma

My grandmother died in her late 80s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce: The long walks we used to take to the shop in town; the 5 cents she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or cleaning off the sidewalks; and her soothing hands when I would get hurt.

But the thing I remember most was her sage advice. Once, when I was about 13, we were sitting in the park enjoying a cookie and Coke. She told me that one day I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. "Always remember this," she said … be sure you marry a woman with small fingers and hands."
I asked, "How come, Grandma?"

She smiled and said gently, "Makes your dick look bigger."
Grandma was special!

When I was 9 years old, my 74 year old great-great-Uncle (who was my grandfather's uncle, but only a year older than him) once told me to keep the women lined up outside my bedroom. I didn't know what it meant at the time. As I got older, I figured it out.

As I got even older, I realized that he spent his entire married life living with his wife and her sister. Then I found out that he married a 15 year old when he was 18, then had himself declared legally insane so he could have the marriage annulled and marry his second wife.

Uncle Kenneth ruled.

on my grandpa's 90th bday he told me "my dick doesn't work right. be careful Danny.thanks for the cheese, i love you"

my made up grandpa told me;
I passed the love of my lifeup and now, instead, what do I have?
My whole life's some money in the bank, some suits in my closet and a string of one-night stands.

me: oh, ok? so I should marry the girl I emotionally bond with visave oxytocin/dopamine elevation(after I cum)_?

HELL NO
My life rocks! Money, suits, and sex? These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in an apartment, changing some brat's poopy diaper but instead I'm out in the world being awesome 24/7/365! You let me dodge a bullet, big guy(points up)

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like Grandma did.
Not screaming and crying, like the other passengers in the car did.

About age 16 or 17 my Dad told me that if I wasn't in bed by 10:00 to come on home.