And Now For Something Completely Different: Hobby-Related Poetry

For those of you who remember the country rock band The Eagles, and their hit Desperado, here you go...

Hey provider, why don’t you open your menu
You’ll have many more men who would visit you now
There’d be more hard ones, now I know that you’ve got your reasons
But all these restrictions are keeping you down

Don’t you do the nasty bareback girl,
That’s something you know better
Cuz you don’t know just what he’ll leave behind

But it seems to me some fine things
Could be laid upon your table
If only you would open up your mind

Hey provider, you just ain’t gettin’ no younger
Your pain and your hunger are driving you on
And freedom, oh freedom
That’s not just some people talkin’
Success in the hobby is there for you now

Don’t you feel so sad just sitting
The guys don’t show and the phone don’t ring
It’s hard to tell the night time from the day
You’re losing all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how true feeling goes away?

Hey provider, why don’t you open your menu
You’ll have many more men, many more than you planned
There’s competition, but there’s a rainbow above you
And now you’ll have someone to love you
Donation in hand