A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the
bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees
three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up,
staggers to the table, leans over,looks
the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
'I went by your grandma's house today and
I saw her in the hallway buck-naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he
is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good,
the best I ever had!'
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad
but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table
one more time and says,
'I'll tell you something else, boy,
your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up,
takes the drunk by the shoulders
looks him square in the eyes and says..
'Grandpa;.......... Go home!
- Guest021824
- 03-30-2010, 05:15 PM
- JRLawrence
- 03-31-2010, 05:21 PM
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
****************************** ****************************** *********
On his 74th birthday, a man received a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby
reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile
dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed
his ticket to the medicine man. The old man slowly, methodically produced a
potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This
is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful
and then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become more manly than you
have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want." The
man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop
the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say'1-2-3-4,' he responded,
"But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,
took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him
in the bedroom. When she came in, He took off his clothes and said,
"1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with
a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's,
slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a poblem.
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the
ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get
together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a
dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a goovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads
together.
MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks wel
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
****************************** ****************************** *********
On his 74th birthday, a man received a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby
reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile
dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed
his ticket to the medicine man. The old man slowly, methodically produced a
potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This
is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful
and then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become more manly than you
have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want." The
man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop
the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say'1-2-3-4,' he responded,
"But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,
took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him
in the bedroom. When she came in, He took off his clothes and said,
"1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with
a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's,
slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a poblem.
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the
ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get
together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a
dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a goovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads
together.
MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks wel