Sure to offend>>>>

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, 'I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!'

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Got this text from my brother recently. It read. 'Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!'
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Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, 'It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!'

Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don't get offers like that every day.

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My wife just came in and said, 'I don't know if I am coming or going'.
'I said to her, 'Judging by the look on your face, you're going 'cause when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!'

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My favorite!

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked agirl named Penny – is that spooky or what?

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The wife just asked me, 'When you're on a 'boys only trip away', do you think about me?'
Apparently 'Only to stop myself from coming too fast' wasn't the right answer.
Dorian Gray's Avatar
LOLz
Sweet N Little's Avatar
lol, I like the fortune teller one too GM, thx

MOCHAakaMOCHA's Avatar
Lol....I really liked the 2nd one
Go4it's Avatar
  • Go4it
  • 10-15-2012, 08:10 PM
My favorite is the first one in the signature line --- except I change two words. Eliminate"doesn't" and add an "s' to spit.
Very good, reminds me of the unknown comic, the guy with the bag on his head, whatever happened to him?
tia travels's Avatar
I saw the Unknown Comic in Vegas at a show he was doing back in late 90s.
Poet Laureate's Avatar
That's some good stuff!

My name is Chicago K9, and I approved this message.