Hippies

How do you hide money from a hippie?

You put it under the soap.

Why didn't Smoky The Bear have any kids?

Any time his wife would get hot, he'd beat her with a shovel.

I came home from work yesterday and found my best friend in bed with my wife. I said, "Jimmy, I have to. But you?"

My wife's cooking is so bad, the flies fixed the screen door.

The NYPD realize a fugitive is on a flight to Dublin. They email the Dublin police the fugitive's photos, including a headshot and two profile photos, and ask that they apprehend the suspect.

A half hour after the plane lands, the NYPD Detective calls Dublin to see if the fugitive was in custody. "We've got the one in the middle," they replied, "but we're still looking for the other two."

This thread amuses me. Continue...

Dyslexics of the World, Untie!

I like the one about the flies .LOL.

Funny stuff

The Catholic boy says to the Jewish boy: "Our parish priest knows much more than your rabbi."

The Jewish boy responds: "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

***very reluctant side note: my iPad automatically capitalizes Jewish but not catholic. I'm e-offended.

Years later, that same Jewish boy calls his father to borrow $50.

His father replies, "Forty bucks, what do you need thirty dollars for?"

The lesbian nuns are enjoying some intimate time in the rectory while the congregation is away. Naked, hot with passion, they are interrupted by a knock on the door:

"Who is it?" One asks, grabbing her garb.

"It's the blind man."

Sighing with relief, the one whispers, "He's blind, let's just let him in, see what he wants, and get him on his way," and with that she opened the door, asking, "How can we help you?"

A man walks in, looks at her and says, "Nice tits. Where do you want the blinds?"

If you see a man with a face tatoo in a police uniform, you can be sure of one thing:

Somewhere there is a dead, naked cop.

You know when you watch to much porn when you enter the bedroom with your significant other and ask yourself, "Where's the guy?"

Little Johnny is at the family reunion watching his uncles smoke cigars and drink beer.

He asks Uncle Jimmy, "Can I have a beer?"

Jimmy asks, "Is your dick long enough to touch your asshole?"

Johnny tells him it isn't. "Then you are too young for beer," he is told.

He asks Uncle Jerry, "Can I have a cigar?"

Jerry asks, "Is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?"

Johnny tells him it isn't. "Then you aren't old enough for a cigar," he is told.

Later on, Jerry and Jimmy see little Johnny eating an ice cream. "Can we have ice cream?" they ask.

Johnny asks, "Is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?"

"Yes, yes it is," they both reply.

"Then go fuck yourself."