
Reality: Shamrocks were just the first things Patrick saw when he woke up face down in a field after a particularly bad bender.

Reality: A man’s height is not a reliable indicator of the size of his Lucky Charms.

Reality: Good Fortune has included 1,000 years of invasion, colonization, exploitation, starvation and mass emigration. Then there was the "Gangs of New York" and as a final insult: those Colin Farrell sex tapes and the mere existence of Rosie O'Donnell.

Reality: His real name was actually Maewyn Succat. He adopted Saint Patrick as his stage name when he began touring Ireland as a magician famous for his disappearing snake trick.

Reality: Imagine the bored teenagers growing up in County Cork. Now can you not imagine that the Blarney Stone being the most pissed upon tourist attraction in Europe?

Reality: This Myth was sponsored by McDonalds.

Reality: Limericks are to Poetry, as Paris Hilton is to Acting. In fact, the National Poet Laureate of Ireland has been named and it's...that Man from Nantucket.

Reality: It's not just an innocent holiday. Think about this: if you rearrange the letters of SAINT PATRICK'S DAY... it spells out SATANIC KIDS PARTY! This would explain the perverted behavior of the Catholic Church.

Reality: St. Patrick’s jawbone is indeed the “Swiss Army Knife” of healing. While it may not exactly cure epilepsy, it has been shown to reduce dandruff and fight tooth decay!

Reality: That story is a 100% fiction. The truth is that St. Patrick played his flute to lure all the rats out of the town and into the river.

Reality: According to St. Patrick, your actions will have you banished into a Lesbian Hell!
NOTE: Guys who make it into Heaven are allowed to visit Lesbian Hell to watch.

Reality: The official color is flashing red and blue as the officer writes out your DUI.

Reality: That's an ugly falsehood. Most are far too impoverished to purchase even the bargain whiskey they so desperately crave.