Red States vs. Blue States

olderguy1948's Avatar
Dear Red States,
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving. We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Barack Obama and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry, and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Sincerely,

Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
pyramider's Avatar
You might want to recheck your stats. Texas is the only state that can legally secede, and we do not need help to survive. New York ... has not be able to sustain itself even in a good economy.

Dear Red States,
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving. We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).
Originally Posted by olderguy1948

I would make that trade and in 50 years when we have bought all your debt and call it in with the Chinese we will own the beaches and yosemite. You can keep Hollywood.
jokacz's Avatar
We should have just let the stupid bastards secede the first time. Can you imagine what a fucked up mess the Confederacy would be now?
chicagoboy's Avatar
We get the oil and natural gas. Freeze, mofos!
cowboy8055's Avatar
Olderguy1948,
If the blue states are so enlightened why are they the most in debt. California, NY, NJ, Michigan have been train wrecks for years. You sound like a real nice guy. No hint of bigotry at all.
offshoredrilling's Avatar


I would be willing to divide the State of NY if I can have Monroe county back errrrrr you blue can keep City of Rochester and town of Brighton.
offshoredrilling's Avatar
errr sweet


country by county

darn, wish I could find a county by town or country by town.
offshoredrilling's Avatar

4 years ago. errrrr we will take the swing county's for ya(errrr wish I could find by town). I know the blue don't like thinkers
dearhunter's Avatar
You thinck you have long gas lines now.........heh
offshoredrilling's Avatar
darn I wish I could find by town. Bet the blue would shrink even more.
offshoredrilling's Avatar
we don't have them yet in upstate DH. That would be the solid blue NYC and near by.
offshoredrilling's Avatar
and if we break up the state. the small bits of oil and all the n-gas in NY would be in the RED. freeze your funking ass's blues.

drill baby drill
offshoredrilling's Avatar
darn looking at the map red by NY by county has most of the wood used to make paper and lumber. .

good luck wiping your ASSSSSSSSSSSSS.

now this is all in jest, just sayin
jokacz's Avatar
errr sweet


country by county

darn, wish I could find a county by town or country by town. Originally Posted by offshoredrilling
Yep, all the counties where nobody lives.