Better Relationship, Better Health?

The links between health and marriage or other long-term relationships

It's as traditional as something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue: the conventional wisdom that married people live longer and are healthier than single people.
"People who are married are healthier, live longer, and report more happiness, compared to people who are not married," says UCLA psychologist.
Studies show that married people are:

• less likely to die early, particularly men
• less likely to die from heart disease or stroke

People who marry may already have a health advantage before they say their vows.
"Healthier people tend to get married," Robles says.
"Supportive relationships are associated with better health," says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, PhD, Ohio State University S. Robert Davis chair of medicine. "The absence of a supportive relationship is a risk factor."

But why? And what about people who are in committed relationships but haven't said "I do"? Or those who are happily single?
What's So Healthy About Marriage?

Here are three reasons why marriage may make for better health:
Safer behavior. Risk-taking and substance abuse drop when couples marry -- more than if they move in together, says Ohio State University psychologist and researcher Christopher Fagundes, PhD.
Socially connected. "If you’re married, ideally that’s your closest relationship. That means there’s a partner and close source of support readily available," Kiecolt-Glaser says.
On the other hand, people who are unhappily alone may run the risk of social isolation. That can lead to depression and neglecting one’s health, says psychiatrist Sudeepta Varma, MD, of NYU Langone Medical Center.
Health helper. Your spouse could help you keep healthy habits. "Your spouse is a large force of influence in your own behavior. You have someone to remind you that you shouldn’t eat that; that you should have one less drink," Robles says.
People who are in happy marital relationships are also more likely to follow their doctors’ recommendations, research shows.

What About Other Long-Term Relationships?

Living with your significant other may also have health benefits. "The general consensus is that, yes, cohabiting has positive effects, but not to the same degree as marriage," Fagundes tells WebMD.
Much of the research in this area has been done on heterosexual couples. But the experts interviewed for this story didn't see why the benefits of having a partner shouldn't extend to same-sex partnerships.
"The love and support, and how this translates into us taking better care of ourselves when we have someone who is invested in our happiness, is immeasurable," Varma says.
Quality Counts

Just wearing a ring isn't enough. A better marriage may mean better health.
A study of heart bypass patients showed better survival, over 15 years, among the happily married.
The flip side is also true: Being in an unhappy marriage can be unhealthy.
Why? One reason may be that chronic stress from a bad marriage may affect the immune system.
Women may be particularly vulnerable. They're more sensitive to hostility in a relationship than are men, Kiecolt-Glaser has found.
Her team videotaped couples disagreeing in their lab. "Couples who were more hostile during disagreements showed steeper changes in stress hormones and healed wounds less quickly, as well," she says.
In short, more hostility may hamper the immune system for couples with chronic relationship troubles.
Relationship quality also affects men.
"We now know that depression, obesity, [and] hypertension all can result from women suffering in unhappy marriages," Varma says. "But I also see a lot of substance abuse and depression in my male patients in the same situation."
Based on her practice, Varma believes that men and women are equally affected by unhappy relationships -- the results just manifest differently.
Thriving Solo

Of course, people can thrive on their own.
"If someone is single, it may or may not point to a difficulty in establishing close relationships. For some, this is the case. For others, it's simply that they have not found their life partner yet," Varma says. "The key would be to surround yourself with good people that care for you, and that you are willing to help as well."
The same goes for people who divorce.
Divorce is linked to a greater risk of premature death, especially in men, notes David Sbarra, PhD, associate professor and director of clinical training in the department of psychology at the University of Arizona, Tucson.
But "most divorced adults fare very well in time and enjoy a high quality of life after the end of their marriage," Sbarra says.
"Therefore, it is likely that if you're in an unhappy marriage and have tried to work it out but just can't, divorce is a real and reasonable option. If you divorce and feel happy, then I wouldn't worry too much about the potential negative health effects."
Women may fare better on their own than men do.
"When we look at singles and health, we see that women tend to be OK and men not so much, most likely for the same reasons men benefit more from marriage," Fagundes says.
And for people who are in a relationship (marriage or not), it’s important to fight fairly. That helps avoid hostility and its health risks.
How do you fight fairly? "Listen, acknowledge, empathize, and validate the other person’s feelings," Varma says. "One of our greatest human needs is to feel loved but also validated -- it says to your partner, 'I get you.' Feeling like your partner is concerned about your happiness and willing to bend for it when needed makes a difference."

if this is true, my ex has taken about 20 years off my life.

...and now the real reason married men live longer: They hobby!

I think I gain 20years of my youth when I divorced my ex....come to think of it, I think she did as well, lol

...and now the real reason married men live longer: They hobby! Originally Posted by Long Ron Silver

The real reasons husbands die before their wives:

They want to.

Jack

I feel so much better after I left my X. But I do hear from hobbyist that health issues on each side can cause a big strain.

agree 13 76.47%
disagree 2 11.76%
unsure 2 11.76%
no opinion 0 0

if this is true, my ex has taken about 20 years off my life. Originally Posted by BigMikeinKC

...and now the real reason married men live longer: They hobby! Originally Posted by Long Ron Silver

I think I gain 20years of my youth when I divorced my ex....come to think of it, I think she did as well, lol Originally Posted by vkmaster

The real reasons husbands die before their wives:

They want to.

Jack Originally Posted by ksjack

From personal experience, a bad relationship, even if I worked hard at it only gets better if the partner is willing to do everything to make it better! She could have cared less. I was her ticket, her way out. And she used me. And I don't think that is uncommon for men or women to be the ONE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP OF DUNG. It is about lovers and users. With or without a penis, users come in a variety of shapes and "sizes".
http://youtu.be/YIkoSPqjaU4

I feel so much better after I left my X. But I do hear from hobbyist that health issues on each side can cause a big strain. Originally Posted by Kloie

True Miss K. or atleast that is what is expressed most often by many. There is a strain from staying in a bad relationship and hobbying, but for many - and I have do a poll on this back in the ASPD days - it is better to stay for the children and hobby. Once they are gone, whole different story. My problem was not walking away when they were gone. Death is a high price to pay for a bad relationhship, and a really bad one can lead to sucide or divorce. Which is better????

All great thoughts folks, than you for sharing. Much appreciated.