GET CAUGHT? Never - 32 Flavors & Ragnar

A HOBBY PRIMER FOR THE MARRIED MAN...20 YEARS OF BATTLE SCARS
I AM BUMPING THIS TODAY,8-14, AS I NOTICED WE NOW HAVE 5000 MEMBERS... NOT FOR ANY EGO ISSUES BUT HOPEFULLY FOR NEW GUYS WHO DON'T REREAD OLD THREADS...I WILL BUMP THIS EVERY FEW MONTHS..."IF IT SAVES BUT ONE LIFE,ETC,ETC,ETC"

I have taken alot from aspd and have decided to give something back. The membership has gotton so big that I want to give the new hobbyists that are married some trade secrets that I have acquired through experience. This post will be idle curiosity or maybe future reference for the single guys, and the seasoned vets will simply nod in agreement or hopefully add some things that I omitted.

While this is not my entire hobby primer, it will hit on some main themes that I believe are essential for the married guy.

Anyone who has been married over 20 years, and has been in the hobby from the git-go, and has never been caught, is either very lucky, is doing something right, or a combo of both.The following info is a collection of common sense and lessons learned.

I am going to expound on what I consider the four main issues and attitudes that must be adhered to if you want to avoid getting caught.They are as follows:

1. ALWAYS STAY 2 TO 4 STEPS AHEAD OF HER, ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE TINIEST DETAIL.

2.DO NOT VARY YOUR GENERAL LIFE PATTERNS AND HABITS.

3. IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE A "BEARD", THEN GET ONE... HE'S THE GUY THAT YOU BLAME EVERYTHING ON.

4. DENY! DENY! DENY!

Here we go...

1.ALWAYS STAY 2 TO 4 STEPS AHEAD OF HER, DOWN TO THE TINIEST DETAIL.
Physical evidence is the enemy. You need a place to shower and get back to looking and smelling like you did when you left the house. This can be the hotel, her incall or a health club. Always use the same type of soap, shampoo, deoderant, hairspray, cologne etc. My wife can tell when I switch deoderants. If you have an ATF or two, give them a bag of your toiletries to bring to your sessions... don't leave these items in the trunk of your car unless you can explain that away.If the wife says something about you smelling different, then tell her that the health club had some new stuff you tried out.

Have the provider give you a once over... twice! Most providers are smart enough not to wear heavily scented anything...for your benefit. If for some godforsaken reason you go home with makeup on the collar,lipstick, or a womans scent...break down and tell her you went to a strip joint with whoever and you are so sorry, and you had no idea that those aggressive woman came and pawed all over you like that, and you are so mad that so and so talked you into going. It's better then the alternative!

In my licensed hand gun course, the police instructor told us to live our lives on yellow alert...never let yourself lax into green mode. This is so true for the married hobbyist.You must always be on guard,aware of what's going on around you, and to expect the unexpected. You must be ready to have excuses for things,explain things, and lie about things...sometimes very quickly without any forethought or preparation. Have explanations for your whereabouts. What are you going to do when your kid has something going on at school and requires your immediate attention and your wife and your boss can't find you? You need preplanned, plausible explanations for things like this. You must be prepared to explain away everything...a phone call,phone #'s,the memory in your cell phone,computer data,phone bills, credit card receipts,a call from the flower shop about your order,slips of paper god forbid,bank statements, unusual cash withdrawels etc,etc. Be ready for this type of shit because when confronted, if you can't quickly and reasonably explain it away, then all hell is about to break loose.

Hopefully your wife has no reason to suspect now.If something occurs to make her wonder, then her antennae will go up.A married woman with her antennae up is very, very dangerous. She starts seeing and noticing things that she did not before...she also starts looking for evidence...everywhere. She will first suspect an affair. This is major hiatus time from the hobby...you haven't been busted, but she thinks something isn't right. This is not good, but you aren't caught yet.

2.DO NOT VARY YOUR GENERAL LIFE PATTERNS AND HABITS.

The 1st time I met Caddyman he said that this was the most important thing. The 1st time I met Roadking he said the same thing. I agree with them.

Depending on how long you have been married, you have established patterns and habits in your life that the wife is familiar and comfortable with. The longer you have been married the more ingrained these patterns are...do not alter these. You MUST build your hobby time around these life patterns. If you don't go out weeknites with the buddies, then you can't hobby then and blame it on that.If you are always accessable on Saturday afternoon, then you can't start disappearing at that time. If you start changing the way you do things to accomodate the hobby, then her antennae will go up, and you are going to get into trouble.

You also cannot change your patterns around her personally.If you don't give her flowers and gifts as a pattern, then don't start now just because you are having hobby guilt trips. She will know something is up. On the other hand you can't become distant, cold, quiet, or angry...this will make her wonder as well...keep your normal demeanor. ABSOLUTELY do not start having less sex at home than you normally do... you're busted for sure if you do that.She will be like, "Well, he's needed it 2 to 3 times a week from me for the past 10 years, and now last month we went 2 weeks without and it's happened again this month...he's f**king someone!" Game over.

3. IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE A BEARD, THEN GET ONE...HE'S THE GUY YOU BLAME EVERYTHING ON.

I have a close friend who beards for me and vice versa. A "beard" is the person who covers for you,who runs interference for you,the person you blame anything and everything on. He's the guy you hide behind. My beard and I have hobbyed together, but it's really not his bag...he goes the girlfriend and one nite stand route. The beard situation can be preplanned between you both or a last minute excuse. I'll call him and tell him, "ok, we're having drinks from 4pm to 6pm at xxxx" and he'll say, "no problem, have fun, you're covered." I'll get a voicemail on my cell phone from him that says, "ok,I know you won't here this until tomorrow, but it's 1am and we went to xxxx resturaunt and then went to xxxx and shot pool all nite. Thanks!"

One of my biggest fears in the hobby is that I have a carwreck, or my car is stolen at an incall location. What the hell am I going to tell the police, the wife and the insurance guy as to why in hell I was at a Budget Suite parking lot in Lewisville at 2 in the afternoon? Whatever it is, it will all be blamed on my beard...he and I will come up with something plausible and blame it on him. In the top drawer of my office desk is a manilla envelope with my beard's name on it. In this folder is all of my hobby information. My beard has permission and instructions that if I die unexpectedly he is to enter my office, destroy that envelope, and erase all incriminating evidence from my computer. Her grief will be bad enough as it is without finding out about that stuff posthumously.

4.DENY! DENY! DENY!

Unless your wife walks in a room and sees you copulating with another woman, then she doesn't know for certain that you have done this...UNLESS YOU CONFESS! The following statement will astound some of you. There are married guys in the hobby that are so guilt ridden for what they are doing, that they actually WANT to get caught.(they may or may not be conciously aware of this) This is the only thing in their lives that they keep from their wife; their one big lie, and it grates on them.They are good husbands, fathers, and wage earners(I was going to say providers, but that looked funny), but they have this "dark side" of their life and it eats at them.If confronted or accused by the wife of sleeping with someone else, these are the first guys to fold...quick as a wink... fess up to all of it.If this even remotely describes you, then I strongly urge you to reconsider your participation in the hobby. Trust me, for you type guys it's not a matter of "if", but simply "when." The married guys that last in this hobby are the ones who can totally separate their 2 lives...put it in a box and forget about it until it's time to open the box again.

Never admit anything. Lie,lie,lie. Make up excuses, blame your beard, whatever...just never tell her.If she didn't see you with her own eyes, then she doesn't know.

The above 4 things have worked for me for 20 years.DallASPfan wrote a similar thread awhile back and I would appreciate someone putting a link to that here.

Be prepared and expect the unexpected.

My advanced primer at a later date will include such topics as "how to pull off an overnite, multiple day or out of town session without getting caught", and "what to do if a provider falls for YOU." I will briefly say a few words on the latter. I strongly reccomend that you do not accept "freebies." I'm not talking about paying for one hour and staying 3 or 4 hours...that's different, that's YMMV. I'm talking about free sessions, even her calling you to come over.Guess what? She's become a girlfriend of sorts and girlfriends have expectations, hopes and demands. For the married guy this is a recipe for disaster.

And to you single guys that occasionaly say that once you meet your SO you will never hobby again...walk SEVERAL miles and years in our shoes and come back and see me. Monogamy ain't for everybody.

Have fun...it is fun...but if you want to stay married, then be smart.

I hope this helps some of you.

I will close with a line from a song by Earth, Wind and Fire.

"Every man has a place...in his heart there's a space...where the world can't erase his fantasies..."

Respectfully,
I'm OUT

Re: Get Caught? Never - Part 2

32 Flavors Recipes

ADDENDUM to my married man's hobby primer....21 months late....
21 months ago I published my Hobby Primer for the Married Man. At the end ,I promised an update that would include, "how to pull off an overnite, multiple day or out of town session without getting caught", and "what to do if a provider falls for YOU." My friend, hemmingway7 (who most of you have never heard of, as he rarely posts....but probably sees more women in a month then most of you see in a year), has been urging me to get the addendum to the editor. So....in his honor...here it is. This applies to the married guys....and the boys in serious relationships with a woman that they hide their hobby from.

All of these situations have variables due to your job status and any travel or entertainment that is involved....as well as that of your wife's.

THE IN-TOWN OVERNIGHTER

The wife almost certainly has to be out of town on business, visiting relatives etc, for the married guy to do this. Either that....or you have told her you are going on a fishing trip with the boys, where there are no cell towers....and then you need a beard or two, that you can actually trust. This is risky and fairly stupid if she is still at home....too many trip wires that can be set off. You cannot tell her you are in Chicago, as she will want the hotel, flight etc.... The only time I have done this is when wifey is out of town. So......going on the "she's out of town" hypothesis.....this is relatively easy.....unless you overnight at your own home. I have done the overnight at home....but it has plenty of baggage. Do you fuck her in the bed that you sleep with wifey? What about the normal shedding of her hair? Her scent? The domestic help will probably know. What about the rubber that you thought flushed down the toilet, that decides to float back up just as your wife comes back home and goes to take a shit? Will the nosey fucking neighbors see her? Will someone drop by unnannounced? Will wifey come home earlier then I thought, without telling me? This is all scary shit, that really is sort of creepy, and truthfully not worth it. At least go to a motel or hotel.....but then....you have to forward the phone for when wifey calls to check on you....and what if she asks you to go look up a phone number for you in her roladex, while you are nekkid at the Marriot? Your fucked. This whole deal is risky for the married guy.

MULTIPLE DAY

This takes alot of money....or a pre-arranged discount from your provider of choice, which they all will certainly do( unless they haver to hide this from their SO's as well). This.....as above....can really only be done when wifey is out of town....unless you have the chick shacked up at a hotel for a few days.....drinking room service champagne, eating bon bons...and you can show up any time day or night and fuck her brains out. I have never seen the economy, or thrill in this....but I know guys that do it. This is relatively easy, common sense wise....but I don't think many guys are interested in this.

THE OUT-OF TOWNER

This really depends on your job and how often you travel....plenty of you guys hobby in LA, NYC, Chicago,etc. while you are on biz trips....those are a piece of cake. Taking a local girl with you is pretty easy as well, assuming no one sees you at the Dallas airport, and that she is not dumb enough to answer the phone in your hotel room. You may also have to be careful around your fellow business associates in the hotel bar or elevator.The problem, is that is expensive. Make sure you have concretely set the amount of money that she is to recieve....and if there are any limits to your BCD activities, or amount thereof. If she wants to sun all day around the pool and drink daquiris and bannana pina colladas, then make sure she understands that you cannot acknowledge each other by the pool, lest your boss's bitch wife sees you together. Another problem is that you may get tired of each other, or have a fight, and you two are stuck in Orlando. I don't recommend doing this....all major cities have enough providers to fill your dance card. Use the locals. If you do decide to do this...then just use common sense....this is not hard to hide from the wife.

WHAT TO DO IF A PROVIDER FALLS FOR YOU

I know that there are tons of you that fall in love with every other provider that you go see...and that some of you are dilusional enough to actually think she feels the same for you. My heart goes out to you poor saps....but that is not what I am talking about here.

These gorgeous creatures are human just like everyone else....they are sharing the most intimate thing with us that god created....it is only natural that certain levels of bonding occurs at various degrees for certain sessions between two adults. Freindships DO OCCUR, in this hobby....even though I make fun of that quite a bit here. I'm not talking about good friendships....I'm talking about when she is truly(or thinks she is), in love with you. Some of you are laughing right now thinking , "how could any of these beauties fall for a fat fuck like me?" Trust me....it happens....often. Go ask (I decided to omit her name...but she was a very popular provider)....she married a hobbyist a couple years ago who was a dot com millionaire.....just like Pretty Woman.

I'm not talking about some desperate, 3 kid, no money, debt ridden, ex beats me up, gold digger who is out for your pocket book and security...I'm talking about unconditional love. It does happen. My advice? Politely and tactfully....GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!!!!!. Either that , or divorce the wife and pay her dough for the rest of your life, and run off to France with your new 25 year old , love of your life.

Alot of these women wear their hearts on their sleeves....and have never met successful, polite, nice gentlemen, that most of us are. Most of them have some unfortunate background baggage, which usually includes a shitbag father , or an abusive low life loser husband.This makes them very suseptible to the charms of the hobbyist who has his feet on the ground. In 20 years this has happened to me 3 times. The ending is never good, for the married guy, ( and obviously can be a disaster), and certainly not for her. If you are becoming emotionally attached to one of the women....or you think she is to you....back it off. When you want to just call up and talk to her because you miss her....don't do it. If she starts calling you to tell you her problems....back away......this will end in a bad way. Since I have been on ASPD, I have heard of no less then a dozen, married hobbyist/provider , deep relationships. Not one of those, to my knowledge has ended in anything but bad shit....some real bad....some just hurt emotions. If you want to keep your marriage....then distance yourself from a provider that is starting to think of you, or feel of you, as more then a client , or buddy. This will not be easy for some.....but I truly mean it...I've been there....shitcan your marriage, or get away from this type situation , before it is too late.

For you single guys.....HAVE AT IT! Best wishes to you! Sometimes I'm jealous!

This is not as insightful as my original Primer....but for an addendum....I like the finished product. Happy safe hobbying!

32Flavors

Get Caught? Never - Part 3

Cell Phone hell...I came as close to being "busted" yesterday, as I have in 10 years.

Cell phones are our enemy. Listen to this scary shit, and ask giddyup,fox, and lana how much my hands were shaking yesterday, as well as my ashen complexion.

I was in a meeting yesterday from 7:30am until 2pm....my cell phone was off that entire time. I turned it on at 2pm and made 5 phone calls. I went to GUC's pad to pick her up to go to lunch, and to meet her friend, Lana Storm. I had my normal piece of paper with hergate code number and room number in my hand. I knocked at GUC's door lightly, and no one answered. I pulled my cell phone out and called her. She said, "where are you?" I said, "standing at the front door." She let me in. I put the cell phone in my shirt pocket. I always lock it, and am certain that I did that. I met Lana and the 3 of us chatted for a couple of minutes. I wadded up my piece of paper that had the code and room # on it and tossed it to Casey. She sarcastically said "what's this?" She knew exactly what it was, as I have done that too her countless times. I said to her, "just getting rid of the evidence." Lana asked me the best way to get to Las Colinas. I gave her directions. We all left....Lana to Irving, Casey and I to lunch. Lana ends up not going to Irving and comes joins us, as do Fox and SouthernMan. At 3pm my wife calls me from her cell phone. I don't answer it. 15 minutes later I go out of the restaurant and call wife back. She had not left me a voice mail. I told her I was having a late lunch, as my meeting lasted most of the day. She says..... I CALLED OUR HOME CALL NOTES AND THERE IS A MESSAGE FROM YOU ON THERE WHERE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT GETTING RID OF THE EVIDENCE, AND YOU ARE GIVING SOME WOMAN DIRECTIONS TO IRVING. YOUR CELL PHONE OBVIOUSLY DIALED THE HOME NUMBER WITHOUT YOU KNOWING. WHO WAS THAT, WHAT WAS THAT, AND WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT GETTING RID OF EVIDENCE FOR?" Oh shit.....I see the fan, and the shit is heading right for it. I stall her briefly for 5 or 6 seconds while I get my composure. I will now cut and paste a comment from my Hobby Primer For the Married Man.....

"You must always be on guard,aware of what's going on around you, and to expect the unexpected. You must be ready to have excuses for things,explain things, and lie about things...sometimes very quickly without any forethought or preparation. "

The time had come....without going into detail of my personal life I told her that getting rid of the evidence was in regards to a court case I am involved with, and that the judge had given me instructions to dispose of a written deposition after I read it..."the evidence" in the case. The directions was for a colleague on the case who asked me how to get to the courthouse from Irving. She bought it, hook line and sinker. It truly did, make common sense. She told me to be careful with my cell phone as you never know who you might accidently call and they could hear something that you don't want them to hear. If she only knew. Holy mother of god.

I go back to lunch and the 3 of them think I have seen a ghost. GUC is freaking totally as I am telling them the story. We could have said things about fucking, or BJ's or anything like that. That message would have been a hard one to expain away.

There is something very ironic about a conversation that Casey and I had on the way to the lunch....I'll let her tell that part.

OK.....the freaky cell phone part. We all 4 assumed that when I put the phone in my pocket at Caseys, that the send button hit my fountain pen, and speed dialed my home. Well.....guess what? You know how you can look in your cell phone and see all your "missed calls", "recieved calls" and dialed calls"? I looked at my dialed calls. All seven of the calls I had made since 2pm where registered in my phone, including the last one I made, which was outside of Casey's door. Guess which call was NOT in my dialed calls list? Yep....the one to the home call notes. The fucking phone got cell tower cross wires and dialed my home on it's own. I'm talking immaculate reception here. That, my friends, is scary as shit.

Coming soon are the cell phones that when wifey calls me, her phone tells her my exact location. That is going to suck big-time, and will be an issue we will all have to deal with.

I could have been busted big time yesterday. I thank my lucky stars. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH CELL PHONES!!!!!!

A Full Year of Battle Scars: A Newbie Primer - Ragnar

A Full Year of Battle Scars: A Newbie Primer
http://www.eraps.net/showthread.php?...ghlight=prim er


The title of this thread is a tribute to the advanced hobby course, which you'll find here http://www.eraps.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4601.

This is primarily for those of you that just got started in this wild wacky world we call the hobby, culled from what I've experienced and heard about during a most eventful first year of hobbying. It's also mostly stuff I've not seen in similar threads. I hope it helps you enjoy your first year even more than I did mine.


#1 This is a business first.

#2 This is like no other business.

#3 These ladies are a lot more sensitive than you think they are.

#4 These ladies are a lot tougher than you think they are.

#5 ASPD is far more complicated than it first appears.

#6 If you choose to haggle with the ladies, keep in mind that they do this for a living, and are probably better at it than you are.

#7 Don't try to haggle with the ladies.

#8 Your ASPD reputation matters.

#9 Your ASPD reputation does not matter nearly as much as your BCD reputation.

#10 The ladies are not looking for pen pals.

#11 The ladies are not looking for telephone conversation.

#12 The ladies are far more concerned with how you smell than how you look.

#13 If you try to date a provider, realize that she needs emotional support, not sex.

#14 Don't try to date providers.

#15 This is a remarkably efficient market.

#16 Research, research, research.

#17 ASPD is a valuable tool in your hobby bag.

#18 ASPD is not the hobby.

#19 A hobbyist who tells you that you must hobby in this or that manner does not have your interests at heart.

#20 The old guard doesn't know nearly as much as they think they do.

#21 The young studs are not nearly as hot as they think they are.

#22 Be careful who you trust.

#23 Use the search button. It is your friend.

#24 The most important thing to know about a reviewer is his age. 60 yo hobbyists and 30 yo hobbyists often look for very different things in a provider.

#25 Never make a decision based on one review.

#26 A tastefully done bad review will have little effect on your fun.

#27 A crassly done negative review will have much effect on your fun.

#28 Doing a negative review tastefully will not prevent attacks on you by the lady's White Knights.

#29 Ignore the White Knights.

#30 Socials are a great source of hobby information.

#31 Socials are not the be all, end all, of hobbying.

#32 Keep private issues private.

#33 Never pay a lady up front that doesn't have a good reputation.

#34 Do what the ladies with great reputations tell you. They know best.

#35 Gossip only holds up if it's true.

#36 You do not have a right to see any lady you want.

#37 Do not just assume your information is safe.

#38 The ladies are quite capable of having personal relationships with men outside of work. Don't assume any male voice in the background is her pimp.

#39 Some ladies still have pimps.

#40 The men no-show the ladies much more than they no-show us.

#41 It's not the message, it's the messenger.

#42 Find a reviewer with your tastes, and follow his lead.

#43 Write your reviews as if they are a recommendations to a friend for a blind date.

#44 Bragging about mileage in a review can cost you an ATF.

#45 Pay attention to which posters like which ladies.

#46 Jealousy is alive and well.

#47 Everyone talks.

#48 BBFS is way more common than you think it is.

#49 Never ask for BBFS.

#50 Never eliminate a lady from consideration based on one attribute.

#51 Asking a lady incriminating questions is not a good way to introduce yourself.

#52 And finally, remember, this is supposed to be fun.

Here's to all the wild and woolly years we can stand.

WTF



Are you being paid by post count?

There is a website that will be disappearing soon. This was posted on the original ASPD website and might be lose it not copied. Just an attempt to prevent the lose of information that hobbyist may need in the future.

WTF



Are you being paid by post count? Originally Posted by Lovely_Lilianna

I feel the same way, since he's been back the board has been littered with these mind numbing post that takes hours to read.

mods is their a way to combine all these posts into one folder and slap a sticky on it. He is littering up the board in my opinion

I feel the same way, since he's been back the board has been littered with these mind numbing post that takes hours to read.

mods is their a way to combine all these posts into one folder and slap a sticky on it. He is littering up the board in my opinion Originally Posted by Oenghus

I have requested though the owner but cannot do it myself.

So go spam an empty forum instead?

And BV is NOT sexually transmitted. From whichever super fucking important but much too long thread that was.

So go spam an empty forum instead? Originally Posted by Lovely_Lilianna

And BV is NOT sexually transmitted. From whichever super fucking important but much too long thread that was. Originally Posted by Lovely_Lilianna

Miss L - these were posted by two old-times on ASPD
32 Flavors & Ragnar
They were frequent poster. They out did me by a long shot. When ASPD ended, I had a little over 4000 posts in about 5 years. When the other site goes down, there will be a total of a little over 6000 that were combined between the two sites under my handles. I preserved the threads by Flavors and Ragnar there, not because they were perfect but because they had a lot of information that most hobbyist can use. My intent in moving them here was not to irritate you or other members but to make information available to those that might need it in the future. I moved about 20 or 30 of my 90+ reviews for ASPD to Eccie when it opened to benefit ladies I had seen over the years. Some of those were lost in the handle change but is too late to transfer most of them again. Again my apology for the stress I have caused you tonight.

So let these posts die with the other site instead of spamming this one.

I would rather talk about hot naked chicks, see some photos of the ladies in their holiday outfits. Than sit and read a bunch of lectures.

please mods save us from this spam! only spam I like is in a can

Bring on the hot ladies and talks of laying in front of fire with a beautiful lady

You could at the very least edit them so they don't constantly reference other sites. Or, and I just thought of this (blame mj) post them in the forum that is completely dedicated stuff like this. I think it even has aspd in the title! It's a couple under Main.

kill the messenger, huh???

Yah well when the messenger is vomiting text........