Secrets & Lies

I looked through recent posts and didn't see this topic, if I missed it, feel free to provide a link.

That said, most of us in "the hobby" ( I hate that term), to some degree, must keep secrets and lies. Secrets from family, coworkers, etc. And lie to account for money (coming in or out, etc).

My question, is does this wear on you at all, or do you thrive on the intrigue?

I usually thrive on the intrigue of my situation(s), but I must admit...as a normally open and honest person...it starts to get to me.

I hate going out on a date with a man and not being able to be honest about my life. I hate having to pretend to be poorer than I am at my regular job and to some degree, to my family. I'm not complaining, but I'd like to get some other viewpoints about our Secret Lives...

Yes it certainly does wear on me. I don't want anything with my personal life to change but i am absolutely addicted to the adventures of the hobby. The different feel and smells of different women. The rush that I feel in the moments before that door opens to a new beautiful adventure is intoxicating. I have taken breaks but I just can't give it up. Am I unbelievably selfish for it? Probably. But I can't help myself.

Yes it certainly does wear on me. I don't want anything with my personal life to change but i am absolutely addicted to the adventures of the hobby. The different feel and smells of different women. The rush that I feel in the moments before that door opens to a new beautiful adventure is intoxicating. I have taken breaks but I just can't give it up. Am I unbelievably selfish for it? Probably. But I can't help myself. Originally Posted by sandpro

Thanks for such a great and honest answer. I appreciate your input.

Agree with the second poster. I live in mortal fear of getting caught and living a double life is really not in my makeup. Other than sex at home, I have a great life. Deciding to hobby was a very hard decision for me. But due to menopause, it was over at home. With a limited time left in my sex life due to my age, I made that move. I take great care in how I do things but I am not fooling myself with the risks I am taking. Would love to settle in with an UTR lady that I am compatible with. I am a one lady type of guy if that makes any sense at all in the hobby. Sampled plenty of different ladies when I was single and hanging one more name on the bedpost is really not my sole objective here. I fully realize that I may be looking for something impossible in the hobby. The decision to hobby was very hard for me and believe me, my family and friends would be shocked. But I have not regretted that decision for one minute.

Agree with the second poster. I live in mortal fear of getting caught and living a double life is really not in my makeup. Other than sex at home, I have a great life. Deciding to hobby was a very hard decision for me. But due to menopause, it was over at home. With a limited time left in my sex life due to my age, I made that move. I take great care in how I do things but I am not fooling myself with the risks I am taking. Would love to settle in with an UTR lady that I am compatible with. I am a one lady type of guy if that makes any sense at all in the hobby. Sampled plenty of different ladies when I was single and hanging one more name on the bedpost is really not my sole objective here. I fully realize that I may be looking for something impossible in the hobby. The decision to hobby was very hard for me and believe me, my family and friends would be shocked. But I have not regretted that decision for one minute. Originally Posted by watchoutthegameisrigged

I actually know many men like you and I'm very sympathetic. You're simply missing the intimacy at hone. You have no intent to hurt your wife, but you have physical needs. I wish there was an easy and safe answer to this situation. I wish ever "provider" or mistress was trustworthy enough to fulfill your intimate desires without the worry of upsetting your home life.

Honestly for me it is not a lack of intimacy, rather the lack of adventure. My sex life is mundane at best, get naked, LFK,DFK, mish, Cum, clean up. The butterflies and adventure is why I hobby. There are things I want to do and want done to me that she simply will not do.

Honestly for me it is not a lack of intimacy, rather the lack of adventure. My sex life is mundane at best, get naked, LFK,DFK, mish, Cum, clean up. The butterflies and adventure is why I hobby. Originally Posted by sandpro

Thanks for posting from the other side...my best guy friend is like this...he literally has the perfect home life, but craves the excitement associated with being naughty...

Agree with watchout. I'm lucky since I have found my UTR lady, and it has become a rich and rewarding experience. At this point, the balance between fantasy and reality is in that special sweet spot...for both of us.

After many years of a very happy marriage, where we have very different labidos, it seemed that the best way to stop arguments in the bedroom that killed the most intimate moments was to go outside for the things that I enjoy and she finds highly offensive. I consider our providers to be wonderful marriage counselors who give guys NSA sex that allows our marriages to continue inspite of vanilla or no sex

I truly hate the lies and secrets. It's taken me out of the hobby more than once.

My first experience with the hobby was in a doomed marriage. I can't see someone and hobby. Just doesn't work for me. The guilt of lying especially, counters any benefits I might receive by doing it.

Now, if I'm not happy in a relationship, and I've done everything to make it work....I leave. Then I'll hobby. I find that the benefits outweigh the costs at that point. Nobody to lie to. I can look for someone new, without the pressure of my libido weighing in too much.

I completely agree. Getting to talk and .... About things the SO thinks is perverse is a great feeling. No judgement. Thanks to you great providers out there.

Wow, I am really pleased with all these answers. Interesting and honest. Awesome.

There are enough people in my personal life that know just enough about what I do that I don't have to lie. They don't pry so it doesn't really come up. My closest friends know, so it can be an open conversation now and then. Now I don't go talking about specifics such as handles and people I've met but I don't have to live a double life trying to remember what I told one person or the other.....

If I feel like I would have to lie then I just simply say I don't feel comfortable discussing the subject at this time or simply tell me it's none of their business. It's worked fine for me so far.

Being single has its advantages

Oh and I don't much care for the word "hobby" in this lifestyle either.

After many years of a very happy marriage, where we have very different labidos, it seemed that the best way to stop arguments in the bedroom that killed the most intimate moments was to go outside for the things that I enjoy and she finds highly offensive. I consider our providers to be wonderful marriage counselors who give guys NSA sex that allows our marriages to continue inspite of vanilla or no sex Originally Posted by midrider

That hit the nail on the head for me. It was just easier to just not try to argue any more about something that was never going to change. That's what got me into the adventure. Still, I find myself all too easily hesitating because of many years of not exploring. It's getting better and it is all because of the great ladies I've had the joy of being with. Do I like to keep secrets? No! Would I like my activities to get out to my family? No! However, I do know this. Life is doable and I have had some great times that I never would have had. So to all you ladies who keep secrets for us, you are a treasure.

Great thread. It helps to talk about it and we don't often get the chance to do so. I have been very lucky to find a couple of PM eccie buds that I can compare notes with. With one, I had to help him figure out a moral crisis about the hobby. All of this helps because this is not something we can talk about to anyone in our real lives. Not all of us go mindlessly into the hobby with the objective of seeing how many providers we can see. Some give a lot of thought to the philosophical aspects as well. Why are we doing this, how will we feel about ourselves after we do? For some, the answer is a lot more complex than "pussy".