“I don’t feel like it"

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “WHAT???? What was that?”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear….”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

That very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you….she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???

I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while….”You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had that look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

Good one Submariner. And as a former submariner, you do know what it means to be "deep".

Yes you are Subber ole pard. You’re just going solo ... AGAIN!
And that is why Mrs Cowboy ain’t on the Ponderosa no more. Alimony is cheaper than ‘Master Card’!
And I ain’t never had a provider tell me, ‘Weren’t you just here yesterday?’ Or ‘We’ve already done that once this week’. Nope, they deliver every time. And almost ALWAYS, I know what the damage is before going in. So, it’s my choice. No more surprise in the mailbox for this wise old fart. I finally figured dat chit out.
And if yours anything like mine was, you’ll be reminded of that one instance for the rest of ya life.
Life is good this side of the break.