The Chief Petty Officer
As a crowded airliner is about to take-off, the peace is suddenly
shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild
temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does
to try to calm him down, the boy continues to cream furiously and kick
the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older
man in the uniform of a US Navy Chief begins to make his way up the
aisle. Stopping the frustrated mother's upraised hand, the white haired,
courtly, soft-spoken Chief leans down and, motioning toward his
collar, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms
down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Chief
slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants
touches his sleeve. "Excuse me Chief", she asks quietly, "could I ask
you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Chief smiled
serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my anchors, service stripes,
and battle ribbons, and then explained to him that they entitled me to
throw one passenger out of the plane."
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The Retired Chief
The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken ranch
he always wanted. He took with him his lifelong pet parrot. First
morning at 0430, the parrot squeaked and said, "Off yer hocks and don
yer socks, Reveille". The old chief told the parrot, "we are no longer
in the Navy, go back to sleep." The next morning, the parrot did the
same thing. The old Chief told the parrot, "Look, if you keep this up, I
will put you out in the chicken pen." Again the parrot did it, and true
to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen. About 0630,
the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He
went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white
chickens in formation and on the ground lay 3 bruised and beaten brown
ones. The parrot was saying, "By God, when I say fall out in dress
whites, I don't mean Khakis!"
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Sleeping With A Snorer
By the time the Chief pulled into a little town, every hotel room was
taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded, "or just a bed, I
don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - a Marine Gunny,"
admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms
have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Chief assured him, "I'll take it."
The next morning the Chief came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better." The manager was impressed.
"No problem with the other guy snoring?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time", said the Chief.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the
Chief explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said,
'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
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A wise old Master Chief once said...
A young Ensign approaches the crusty old Master Chief and asked about
the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well," replied the
Master Chief, "the insignias for the Navy are steeped in history and
tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you are very
valuable but also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant
value, but is less malleable. Now, when you make Lieutenant, your value
doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over the
military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you are, obviously, a
star. Does that answer your question?" "Yes Master Chief" replied the
young Ensign. "But what about Lieutenant Commander and Commander?"
"That, sir, goes waaaay back in history - back to the Garden of Eden.
You see we've always covered our pricks with leaves."
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"The Genie"
A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship
together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie
says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just
one." "Me first!" says the Petty Officer Second Class. "I want to be in
the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a
care in the world." Poof! He's gone. "Me next!" says the First Class. "I
want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman." Poof! He's
gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the Chief The Chief says, "I want
those two back on the ship right after lunch"
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Dangerous...
A Seaman saying, "I learned this in Boot Camp..."
A Petty Officer saying, "Trust me, sir..."
A Lieutenant JG saying, "Based on my experience..."
A Lieutenant saying, "I was just thinking..."
A Chief chuckling, "Watch this shit..."