What's your favorite little Johnny jokes?
Little Johnny's teacher ask him to use a sentence with the word Roach in it.
"The Cock Roach ran across the floor" replied Little Johnny.
"No" said his teacher: "Repeat the sentence and leave the Cock out"
"Ok; the Roach ran across the floor with its Cock out" replied Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny, "What's two and two?" He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, "Four, teacher?" She said, "Yes, that's right, but you counted on your fingers.
"Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, "Six, teacher?" She said, "Yes, that's right, but you're still counting on your fingers.
"Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what's five and five." He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, "Eleven, teacher?"
Teacher: "Little Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry'.
Johnny: "The tiny seed grew and grew until it was finally big enough to say, 'Gee, I'm a tree!'"
While sitting in the front row of a football match, Little Johnny's friend asks him where he got the tickets from.
"From my brother," replied Johnny.
"Awesome," said his friend. "And where is your brother?"
Little Johnny chuckled, and then said, "At home, looking for his tickets!"
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.
"How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny.
"That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first."
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.
The same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger.
"I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself.
Little Johnny was only six years old when he tried to feel his sister's friend's pussy.
She slapped him and said not to because it has teeth and will bite.
As the years passed, and little Johnny one day grew to become a man, he was sitting in his car with his girlfriend,
rubbing her thighs and squeezing her tits, when she said, "Aren't you going to feel my pussy?"
He said, "I can't, its got teeth!"
"Don't be a fool," she said, "have a look if you don't believe me."
So he thought about it, then took off her panties and spread her legs.
He looked in and said, "I'm not surprised you haven't got any teeth with gums like that!"
A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it.
This one is round and red."
Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored.
"It's a plum miss," said a girl.
"no it's an apple, but i like your thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green."
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss."
No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib."
"Johny, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher. " no it's a match, but i like your thinking."
Said Little Johnny.
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
Little Johnny’s teacher asked him to use the word “Facinate” in a sentence.
Johnny thought for a second and said “ My sister has a sweater with ten buttons on it but her tits are so big she can can only fasten-eight”.
Dirty Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off. He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."
The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, "Bow your head, Pop. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"
ne day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands
for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said,
'Beautiful, fuckin' beautiful!'"
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
it's Christmas morning and little Johnny wakes up early and runs down stairs to see what Santa brought him, a big beautiful train set, Johnny puts on his Conductor hat and every time the train goes around the track
he stops it at the train station and hollars, " All u SOBs getting off get off, you SOBs getting on get on!!"Johnny's Mom hears him from the top of the stairs, " Johnny what is wrong?" Johnny reply's "Lady just keep Fucking around the Train is already 10 minutes late!!"
Little Johnny's teacher asked the class to name three famous kings that brought happiness to their kingdom.
Little Johnny replied " Drinking, Smoking, and Fucking.