Maintaining Emotional Distance

***Rant warning***

Why is this such a difficult concept in the real world? Why am I an asshole if I happen to like it better when you stand over there? When you don't need anything from me and you're okay if I don't feel like talking tomorrow, or next week, or maybe ever again? Can't you just have genuinely lovely and exciting interactions and then not expect to be coddled?
#endrant

Thank you, men of ECCIE. Most of you are very cool, and some of you are fascinating!

Heh...leave the donation and get the fuck out...

I'm with ya girl!

I think and am only gonna speak for myself, I generally try to make a connection with anyone I meet both in and out of the hobby. This connection is both emotional and physical. They cannot b separated. Having said that, I do know that the connection breaks off when my time ends and all am left with is emotions. Yet again, sometimes it feels good to know that I can break it off after our time together. But I think both help, emotional connections feel great, just like it feels great to know it's not a committed connection.

I'm horrible with emotional boundaries. It's something I'm working on...

But then again, I'm not a smotherer. Not at all...people I don't connect with call me cold and distant...and the people I do connect with love it.

But I try not to develop such feelings for others...I'm just not very good at that.

***Rant warning***
-------- Originally Posted by Alana Fontaine

Oh Alana....be careful. This dirty talk draws them in like flies. I'm feeling it already.....please hug me and hold me close.

I'm horrible with emotional boundaries. It's something I'm working on...

But then again, I'm not a smotherer. Not at all...people I don't connect with call me cold and distant...and the people I do connect with love it.

But I try not to develop such feelings for others...I'm just not very good at that. Originally Posted by LilMynx69

Do smothering isn't on your menu? Yummy has the sads...double again

I think and am only gonna speak for myself, I generally try to make a connection with anyone I meet both in and out of the hobby. This connection is both emotional and physical. They cannot b separated. Having said that, I do know that the connection breaks off when my time ends and all am left with is emotions. Yet again, sometimes it feels good to know that I can break it off after our time together. But I think both help, emotional connections feel great, just like it feels great to know it's not a committed connection. Originally Posted by chess9718cb

You are exactly right. They cannot be separated, hence the need to keep your head clear. But, if you can do that, I think there is actually more freedom to relate to people in a real way knowing that you aren't going to walk away with any expectations of them nor they of you.

You get to be yourself and then not make it mean anything if someone doesn't reach out again. Because it doesn't usually have anything to do with you, but people are narcissistic by nature so they assume it does. That's the part that bothers me... I don't want to hurt anyone!

Board the flight to Fantasy Island.

Arrive.
Hug lady and talk for a few minutes.
Make your way to the play room
Leave envelope on the bedside table.
Shower if needed, perhaps talk lady into showering with you
Undress if no shower is needed
Have a great time
Get dressed.
Walk to door and hug lady goodbye. Tell her you had a wonderful time.
Leave.

Board the flight from Fantasy Island

Go home or to work or where ever you choose to go.

Playtime is over.
You have your life to live.
She has her life to live.
Leave her alone.
She leaves you alone.

Make plans for another trip to Fantasy Island when needed.

It's not rocket science.

Thank you for your input. I was referring to RL clingers, and thanking you all for your respect for our lives, which most of you have.

Board the flight to Fantasy Island.

Arrive.
Hug lady and talk for a few minutes.
Make your way to the play room
Leave envelope on the bedside table.
Shower if needed, perhaps talk lady into showering with you
Undress if no shower is needed
Have a great time
Get dressed.
Walk to door and hug lady goodbye. Tell her you had a wonderful time.
Leave.

Board the flight from Fantasy Island

Go home or to work or where ever you choose to go.

Playtime is over.
You have your life to live.
She has her life to live.
Leave her alone.
She leaves you alone.

Make plans for another trip to Fantasy Island when needed.

It's not rocket science. Originally Posted by DEAR_JOHN

Its happened a few times to me ..meaning I've had a few guys get overly attached and one even way too attached and turned in to a stalker freaked me out ..but then there are the sweet guys who I have become friends with whom I have known for years and they are very dear to me ...it is hard to keep that distance when what we are doing is so intimate , but if I sense a problem I end it ..like obsessive texting , blowing up my phone ..or god forbid showing up at my in call unannounced ..then that's it ...things can get scary real quick . You just need to know how to keep that balance.

Sigh. Does this thread belong elsewhere since the topic doesn't directly refer to hobbyists? Or should I give up on trying to explain that now and grab my popcorn?

So you don't want regulars.

A good connection brings all kinds of feel good moments emotional and physical - this is something that's in the being of most normal people. But as Wake-Up said when the time is over Get The Fuck Out. .

...when the time is over Get The Fuck Out. . Originally Posted by silverstate53

That, I thought, has been the "rub" most females have about males.

The "wham, bam, and thank you ma'am" attitude.

I do recognize it is not universal on either side.

You are exactly right. They cannot be separated, hence the need to keep your head clear. But, if you can do that, I think there is actually more freedom to relate to people in a real way knowing that you aren't going to walk away with any expectations of them nor they of you.

You get to be yourself and then not make it mean anything if someone doesn't reach out again. Because it doesn't usually have anything to do with you, but people are narcissistic by nature so they assume it does. That's the part that bothers me... I don't want to hurt anyone! Originally Posted by Alana Fontaine

So you don't want regulars. Originally Posted by LexusLover

You are completely missing the point.

In REAL LIFE: I'm a widow as of Christmas. I don't want anyone to expect me to want to talk all day every day, because I don't always want to. I'm more than happy to relate to people who I feel will understand if I don't respond for a couple of days. Who won't be upset or take offense. It's not ugly or impersonal. I just pull back from people who I feel will be hurt or confused by my responding in my own time. I'm strongly committed to not hurting others or fucking people over. I don't have that in me.

In the hobby: I really appreciate hobbyists and feel more freedom to be a real person. I know they won't expect me to maintain their emotional well-beings, so I get to be genuinely excited to see them and hear from them, and genuinely relate to them.

I am actually super sweet and put a lot of value on respecting peoples feelings. And I adore my regulars, none of whom I can see myself hurting.