Funny shit your kids have said

I was thinking back on when my kids were growing up, and some of the crazy things they said. Here's a classic:

My husband was getting out of the shower, and my 3-YO son was hanging out in the bathroom (because God forbid that we got to go in the bathroom by ourselves!). And my son pipes up and says, "Daddy, your penis has a moustache!"

So, what's some funny shit your kids have said?

OMG...ROFLMAO!!! Hilarious!!

OMFG @ "your penis has a mustache"!!!!!!!!! Just about pissed myself laughing. Kids are the greatest!

My favorite ever came from my cousin. I was at a Bluegrass festival with him and his Mom. He was about 4 years old at the time. We head for the women's bathroom, and he was still young enough that he came into the women's side with us.

I'm standing outside the stalls, my Aunt is in a stall, and her son was in the stall beside her. My Aunt realizes that her stall is out of toilet paper, so she calls out to her son "Do you have toilet paper over there?"

My ever logical 4 year old cousin replies "Well, yeah I do Mom, but I think I'll just shake it"

Laughter erupted up and down the bathroom stalls.

My kid did not say this. But I was in a very busy bank one day. Waiting my turn a lady and her little girl walk in. Girl was 4 or 5 and was being a real little shit. The mother was about to spank the little girl as her hand was about to come down and meet the girls ass. The little girl yells out that if she got spanked she would tell grandma that her mom puts her dads pee pee in her mouth. To say the least the mother picked up the girl ran out of the bank and then everyone broke out laughing

There are reasons why orangutangs eat their young.

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Once, while eating lunch with my Mom and my sister, I called my sister a dildo. I think I was around 10 years. I was *reaching* for the word "dodo", and well, I missed.

My Mom looked shocked and asked "Do you know what that word means?"

I said "Yeah Mom, it means dummy"

My Mom's face went red, and she was struggling not to laugh, but she didn't enlighten me what dildo really meant either. All she said was "Don't call your sister names", and she left it at that.

It would be a few years before I heard that word again, and found out what a dildo really was. So, a few years later, I finally got the joke. Talk about a belated punchline!

My kid did not say this. But I was in a very busy bank one day. Waiting my turn a lady and her little girl walk in. Girl was 4 or 5 and was being a real little shit. The mother was about to spank the little girl as her hand was about to come down and meet the girls ass. The little girl yells out that if she got spanked she would tell grandma that her mom puts her dads pee pee in her mouth. To say the least the mother picked up the girl ran out of the bank and then everyone broke out laughing Originally Posted by dewynter

If she learned blackmail at that age just imagine what she learned by the time she was 20!

Back when I was married and my kids were young (about 6 and 8) we were driving and the song "Like a Virgin" comes on the radio.

Daughter (6) "mommy what's a virgin"?
Wife "That's a person who's never had sex"
Daughter "mommy are you a virgin"?
Son "No silly they've done it twice"!

Trouble is, he was close to being correct!!!

My son was about 13 and came home from school. He said, "Mom, I heard a funny joke today." So I told him to share it.

He said, "What's the difference between fish and meat?" I said, "Tell me," and he replied, "If you beat your fish, it dies!"

The funny part is that he had no idea what the joke was about.

I, however, being Mother of the Year, burst out laughing!

It's still my favorite go-to dirty joke...

Oops, dupe post! Stoopid computer!

When my son was around 2 or 3, my son was taking a bath. His mother was on the toilet and was changing out a tampon. He looked at her quizzically and asked "Mommy, why are you putting string cheese up your butt?"

When my son was about 6 or so we were somewhere ag-related and he saw a stallion breed a mare. After he saw that he turned to me and asked, "How do people breed?" I told him that people breed pretty much the same way the horses did. You could see the little gears turning in his head and then he said, "You mean when grow up I'm going to have to stick my penis in some girl's butt?!?! GROSS!!!!!" I burst out laughing while thinking to myself, only if you're lucky son, lol.

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Here's one from a kid who drew this picture at school, prompting the mother to write a note of explanation to the teacher:

Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me…. selling a snow shovel.
Mrs. Harrington