When canceling a date: Should there be a fee to cancel?

I came across something recently and wanted to get everybody's take on it and offer their opinions. Providers and gentleman please keep this civil.

Recently I contacted two local providers and ran into a issue, I am keeping their names out of it for now. This is how I remember it, granted their are always two sides to the story. Lets start with the first provider.

I had seen a certain provider twice and tentatively set a third date with her, I never received a conformation confirming a set time with the date. After I did not hear from her I made plans to spend the weekend in KC. On the day of the date I requested she contacts me and ask if I was still going to show, I told her no that I didn't hear from her and was in KC for the weekend. She said that her cancellation fee was $100, I told her all I had on me was $50 until I got back to my hometown. She said I could wire it to a friend of hers, I was not comfortable with doing that and did not have the fee to send a Money gram.
She does not have it posted on her website that if one must cancel they owe a fee. Since I did not pay it I have been black listed from what I understand.

Provider two:

I had seen the second provider twice and had to cancel our Saturday date because my dad and ex girlfriend showed up (not at the same time), I said I was available on Sunday but had to cancel the date due to some unforeseen circumstances.
She told me that she charges a $100 cancellation fee and that I was to wire the money to her and she needed it that day.
I told her I did not have the full fee but could pay it installments if she felt entitled to this money. I asked her to give me time but the ensuing texts and emails seemed a little hostile and I did not return the multiple calls, emails or texts. She has since blacklisted me and said if I do not pay her the fee she would make sure I did not see another lady again and she would post here on ECCIE. She also does not have it posted on her website about the cancellation fee.

From talking to the both of them they are friends and see some of the same clients.

It costs up to $11 to wire a $100 through Money gram.

So my question to the gentlemen and ladies of this board:

When do you feel a cancellation fee is warranted?

For the ladies:

Would see a gentleman if he refused to pay a cancellation fee if another provider blacklisted him and posted to other providers how he refused to pay the fee?

In my brief years of this hobby I have had to cancel for one reason or another and never have been charged a cancellation fee. I thought I had great time with these ladies but something happened.

I asked the moderator how to proceed with this. After much thought and deliberation I thought I would bring it to the board for advice. There are several ladies here I would love to dream about but I was not sure if this would be a negative mark against me.

I am man of limited means but I do love to dream from time to time and would love to continue when I am able to with verified providers.

I know this is a touchy subject for many people and if this has been discussed elsewhere before or is prohibited I do apologize. I just want to see what other people's thoughts are.


Thanks Oenghus

Everyone has to cancel from time to time, both ladies and gentlemen. I feel like as long as it is done in advance of said appointment, there should be no consequence or repercussion. We all have something that gets in the way on occasion. I feel as long as it's not a regular occurrence and is handled appropriately being blacklisted is drastic.

What's it matter? I thought you were retiring.

I was going to retire because my ex wanted to try and work out our issues but alas it did not work. So I decided to stay in the fold and comfort of dream land.

In your first scenario I do not see how she could request anything because she never took the time to even confirm the appointment. I also do not believe that the lady from the second scenario really has a right to demand anything either because at least you called and told her. Also it is not fair since they do not have the cancellation fee on their websites.

I do not know if this will have any negative effects with other providers because we are all different and some are more understanding than others. I do not have a cancellation fee because I do not believe it to be fair and I myself have had to cancel appointments even though I hated to I had no choice and the guys have been very understanding.

Now with all that being said if I had to go out and buy somethings for a very specific request and the requestor had to cancel and could not reschedule I would like a little compensation for it but I would not demand it or doing anything to negatively affect the person.

I agree with sommdude, what happens when we are stood-up? Do we get a discount next time? Maybe in the rarest of circumstances. More often we are left whistling dixie and nothing we can do about it. If you made a date and did not call prior to that date that may warrant a fee, but one has to know before hand that there is a fee for cancelling.

If you ask for an incall and tell her to get the room because you are on your way, then you have to cancel, that might be grounds for reimbursement on the room. UNLESS she schedules someone else and the room ends up being useful for her.
If you know beforehand and she is not out of pocket there should be no harm no foul. As for posting a DNS alert, it would have to be something more extreme than a NCNS in my opinion. I don't think it would warrant that type of alert.

I was going to retire because my ex wanted to try and work out our issues but alas it did not work. So I decided to stay in the fold and comfort of dream land. Originally Posted by oenghus

Sometimes dreamland is less hassle than real life. Didn't mean to come across as mean spirited, just wasn't sure of your situation.

Its ok Mojo. When she starts out all nicey nicey and starts be rating and calling you all sorts of names its type to cut ties.

Thanks for the ones who have responded thus far.
On the second provider I did call and cancel, she was not out anything as she had not left to come meet me in my town.

Allie Kat has it right when she said if they're not "out of pocket" any money, then there's no harm, no foul. I assume that you would have scheduled to see these ladies sometime later, if they hadn't been so demanding. That's where customer service and understanding come in to play. They've lost in the long term by demanding something that is short-sighted, in my opinion.

I've had a couple of NCNS's by providers, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt and wound up seeing them at a later date. Maybe I should have charged a cancellation fee, lol! Your two ladies sound like people I would not like to meet.

I think the general understanding here is that you really didn't owe either of them anything based on the described situation.

Having said that, Allie brings up a situation in which that would be warranted. And, had they had a reference to having such a charge then i would think it would be warranted. However, that is not the case here.

I had this situation happen to me last week. I had seen this guy many times several years ago and this year I got a call from him and everything went smoothly, he was really excited to see me again. He called the day before to set up an appointment for the next day. The next day he calls and says yes I will will there, go ahead and get the room, which I did about five minutes prior to his appointment time. I called back to give him my room number, and no answer. He finally calls me 30 minutes after he was going to meet me, and says he cant make it, had to work late.
I did not use this room at all. I know theres no way to collect anything from him. I also had this happen about a month ago with another guy I see on a regular basis. same situation, I went to get the room, he was fully aware I was headed to get the room. I sat there 30 min past his appointment time, he wasnt answering his phone, so I went home. As soon as I arrived home I get a call from another provider asking for me to verify him. I told her what just happened, she saw him anyway,an hour later he called and said he was so sorry, he had to work late. I have seen him since then, but I didnt say anything about it. I know I'm being too soft but I'm not sure how to handle these situations. What I've been doing is, if it happens once, I act like it didnt, happens again I don't see them again, 2 stikes they're out.(thats just for not cancelling prior to appt time, so I'm talking about no shows)
I guess I'm just hoping they're decent enough and gentlemen enough to offer to make things right, but they never do. I had one guy said he would make things right the next time he saw me, but then he didnt, just wanted to make sure I would keep picking up the phone when he called again. any suggestions?

That shouldn't happen to you Stacy.

IMO you should tell him that you did have to eat the cost of the room. This will dispel any mistaken notions that the client might have about you using the room for another man. He should have asked anyway. A thoughtful gentleman will pay for that room plus something for wasting your time.

What is to keep a thoughtless guy from doing the same thing to you twice, Stacy? OK, if that happened, you wouldn't see him again, but then you would be out of the cost of 2 rooms. Maybe, if a guy jerked you over by not showing up and you paid for the room, you can require him to pay for the room the second time if he wants to see you. Then, if he doesn't show, he rather than you loses the money.

I am faced with a similar issue where I was NCNSed by a provider. I burnt some money and gas and time (almost 4 hours) to see her, because I live more than an hour away from any hobby locations. Should I try again? She finally offered a lame excuse over a week later. There was no offer of extended time or discounted rate or any bonus service on behalf of the trouble that she caused me. There was not even an apology. What will ease my mind to risk the same thing happening again? So I will move on to other providers.

I agree with Red, i generally take the old adage of first time shame on me and try not to let it happen a second time. If you were out money that you normally would not have spent then i think it is fair to be compensated. I hope this doesn't happen to you in the future.

Stacy, I learned that lesson the hard way too. When I am at home, and someone wants an incall, I will not reserve a room until they are calling to say they are on their way.

Lux