Expectations and Acceptance: Men vs Women

I recently made the following comment in a Men’s Room thread: “As I get older and fatter, I seem to be lusting after younger and hotter women.”

(This would be a good time to point out that most men are indeed pigs - but it has already been suggested that I am wrestling with moral issues, so I won’t go down that road.)

Anyways…. my comment reminded me of a story that you might find amusing.

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I just got a call from an ex-girlfriend, who I hadn’t heard from in over two decades. To my surprise, she was calling to suggest that we get together for a night of unbridled passion, just like we did when we were younger.

“I’d love to”, I told her, “but unfortunately I’m married.”

“That’s all right”, she replied, “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Wow! That’s a tempting offer, but I don’t have the same body as I did back in the day. I’ve put on 75 pounds and have quite the beer belly.”

“So what, I’m sure you’re just as handsome as you ever were”, she said.

“Actually, I’ve lost most of the hair on my head, and have grown quite a bit of hair on my back and on my ass. Plus, I got a really bad rash that left a number of pits and scars on my face.”

“Don’t worry about that”, she said, “I’m sure the sex will still be incredible.”

“Actually, I suffer from periodic bouts of impotence. I might not even be able to get hard.”

Even this didn’t put her off. She replied, “I’m up for the challenge. I’ll keep up the foreplay as long as needed. I really love long encounters.”

“Yeah, about that…. When I do get hard, I have no self control. I always come in less than a minute.”

“Not a problem. I remember how well you ate my pussy”, was her answer to that.

“Unfortunately, my jaw tends to lock-up. I can’t really eat pussy anymore.”

She still wasn’t put off. “Then if nothing else, we can simply cuddle throughout the night.”

I told her how lucky I was that she was willing to overlook all these flaws. “I’m so glad that you still want to see me, even though I’ve gotten fat and ugly, have excessive body hair, my dick doesn’t function, and I can’t even eat your pussy.”

“That’s all right”, she said, “no one is perfect. In fact, I’ve put on a few pounds since we last saw each other”.

“Oh, really? Actually, I don’t think we should get together again. Thanks for calling. Bye.”

LMAO! You win the prize for most honest man in the hobby Lj.

LOL-I have seen this guy. Or was I looking in the mirror? My memory is also not functioning like it used to!

LOL so funny.

thanks for the laugh. =)

Dang it, Littlejoe, i told you that story in confidence. Now women are going to know that i am not the Tom Selleck look-alike I brag about.

Little Joe, great story