JEEZIS FUCKING CRISIS ON A CRACKER! WHAT'S A HORNY FUCKER GOT TO DO TO GET LAID AROUND HERE? P411 WAS SUPPOSED TO CURE MY BLUE BALLS, NOT MAKE 'EM THROB HARDER!!!!!!
Forgive me for that little rant -- but I'm under a LOT of urge here to get laid or blowed or something, and nothing's working out for me.
I've been a member of P411 for nearly 10 years now. (Just call me an early adopter.) I've been on a little bit of a hobby hiatus in the last few years, but I kept my P411 account paid up, thinking that when I returned, it would be a nice aid in getting back in the swing of things without recent references.
Boy, what a piss-poor idea that was.
First, I discovered that when I contact a provider that takes P411, nine times out of ten they also want - in addition to my P411 screening info - the names of at least three still-active providers who remember me vividly and can verify me. Funny, I thought that was why I paid P411.
Now don't get me wrong - I believe wholeheartedly in letting a lady have whatever makes her feel safer and more secure in this little sub-culture of ours. But seriously, it's like when I first tried to break into this sub-culture - if you don't have recent experience, you can't get any recent experience. It's the perfect Catch-22 that P411 was supposed to avoid for us horny bastards.
And yes, I know it doesn't help that I didn't request an "Okay" from everyone I saw. And I know it doesn't help that many of my P411 "Okays" are from providers who have gone inactive in the intervening time since I last hobbied with any regularity. But FUCK! (Sorry, didn't mean to start shouting again.)
So, I thought that maybe the "Available Now" board on P411 would help me break that ice - if a lady is motivated enough to post there, perhaps she's motivated enough to accept an appointment from a really nice guy who just hasn't gotten any recent above-and-beyond-P411 references to share.
Another piss-poor thought.
Apparently, "Available Now" really means "available sometime in the next few days, just today, and not before I talk with at least three ladies who have been thoroughly impressed enough by you to remember your height, weight, your manhood's length and girth, your birthmarks, and whether they could taste the pineapple in your junk."
Finally, today, I thought I hit pay-dirt with Jenlilith, who posted an "Available Now" ad. I requested an appointment through P411 within minutes of her posting it. We connected, and set up a time for a little over an hour later. PERFECT! (even though the appointment was about 45 minutes away in traffic).
She sent me confirming PM's with the address of her hotel (but not the room number) and her telephone number. I drove to the hotel, telephoned her upon my arrival just a couple minutes before the appointed time. The call went straight to voicemail. I called again ten minutes later (sitting in my car in the parking lot) - straight to voice mail. A few minutes later I used my phone to log on to P411 and sent her another PM. I waited about 5 minutes for her to respond to the PM before my phone logged me off. I called again - 45 minutes after our appointment time, and after waiting in the parking lot the entire time -- and POLITELY let her know that I needed to just go ahead and leave. I was over half-way back to my office all the way across town, when Jenlilith called, and asked me to come back (nearly a full hour after our appointment time), but it was too late -- I had to get back to work. She was pretty pissy about the fact that I had left that lovely parking lot after only 45 minutes. She said that she had responded to my PM, but it wasn't until I got back to the office that I could see that she even tried - ten minutes after my PM to her, and after I had already left ANOTHER voice message, waited some more, and exited the parking lot for the disappointed trip back to the office.
So, what's a poor horny bastard to do?
Rant over. Thanks for listening.
Respectfully submitted,
Stag, Esq.