Hi you may have noticed that during times of world crisis I am absent from Eccie. There are perfectly logical reasons for this.
1. During the crisis in Egypt ya'll may have heard on CNN that Moubarak claims that there were certain "Americans" whispering in the ears of the youth in Egypt in order to revolt. This much is true I put on my burkalini and high tailed it to Cairo. That was in fact me whispering in the ears of the youth, "Revolt, Revolt get his ass out of there!" I think there is a tight shot of me on CNN if you look it up, I'm the one holding up the sign that reads "That's just how we roll!". Alas my mission was complete and I returned and posted a few threads.
2. Next thing you know I get a call from my old friend Muammar Al-Ghaddafi telling me the shiznit is about to go down in Libya (we go way back). One day many many moons ago we were chilling at his palace puffing on a hooka and the conversation turned to who would be the best bodyguards for him. It is during this consultation that we came up with the idea of female bodyguards. Voila brilliant idea! If he had female bodyguards he would be less likely to be assassinated as most men would think twice before shooting a beautiful or semi-pretty women. That would mean less Zenga Zenga at the Bunga Bunga Parties. The would be assassin would be more inclined to put his gun down and go over and try to “hit that”. That was our school of thought anyway. It is then that my career was born as I guided him towards hot and semi-hot chicks as bodyguards for him. If you want to know what he is up to just flip it on CNN every once in a while, but he is holding his ground and I do think it is because of the Bunga Bunga. What is Bunga Bunga you ask? We’ll get to that later. I will note that after introducing Muammar to the Bunga Bunga Parties he then introduced them to Berlusconi as well, so now you know how they get down. As a matter of fact I think Sarkozy met Carla Bruni at one of these Bunga Bunga Parties as well. Face it that’s just how they roll.
In my spare time I peruse the world and the internet looking for some pure high grade Zenga Zenga to provide for these world leaders so they can get their Bunga Bunga on. Mind you they require Zenga Zenga from the reserve, untouched and unvarnished yet experts in the art of Bunga Bunga. Let’s just say Kama Sutra training is a pre-requisite for Zenga Zenga.
3. I had to leave Libya as I got a 911 call from Charlie Sheen, “Sofia, how can I get myself on TV more and achieve the same type of cult like status that you have?” This question required a long sit down chat with Charlie, so I got on the next flight to LA. After a long night of drinking with Charlie I had to BREAK IT DOWN for him. I told him, “Look Charlie, don’t I always hook you up with the best Zenga Zenga? You’re not slumming it like Hugh Grant had to in the 90’s.” I took a deep breath and looked Charlie in the eye and said, “You have access to the best Zenga Zenga on the market, matter of fact they aren’t even on the market. They are set aside just for you, Eliot Spitzer and the like. Those two goddesses? They didn’t pop up out of nowhere did they, no you had to call on Sofia.” As the night progressed and the liquid diet kept flowing, he asked me an important question, “How can I become more famous? “ I replied “Well that’s easy. You see Charlie, people like you and I, we have tiger blood running through our veins. Other people just don’t know it. It is a well known fact, I mean after all we do have Madonna’s DNA running through our body, they just don’t know this. Plus nobody out there but me knows you are a Vatican Warlock Assassin, and another thing Charlie, how many people out there know that you have a 10,000 year old brain with 7 year old mucous. As the night progressed and the bottles kept flowing we came to the conclusion that for him to achieve the type of fame he wanted, he needed to lift these burdens from his shoulders. We got to talking and he mentioned he was tired of pretending that he was just Charlie Sheen and that he wasn’t special. I said, “That’s it that’s your problem right there! You and I should be treated like the special people we are.” I looked him in the eye and told him, “Fire your publicist and go on every talk show you can and let them know how special you are. You are the Vatican Warlock Assassin with Madonna DNA, Bengal Tiger blood running through your veins to support your 10,000 year old brain and you should be proud of that and more! See I have my own particular brand of Crazy…..you should learn to market your own particular brand of Crazy and embrace the Goddesses around you!” In turn he advised me to share the Zenga Zenga with Houstonians as it should not be reserved for just a special few. We came to an agreement that we would exchange goddesses once a month, for the greater good of mankind. Ladies and Gentlemen Charlie Sheen is a gentleman who knows how to optimize his Bunga Bunga Parties with High Grade Zenga Zenga.
After all that Jasmina is back in Houston with a power lunch special, totally Charlie’s Idea. PM me if you have any bunga bunga questions. I will be teaching a seminar on how to bunga bunga while maximizing your Zenga Zenga. If you have any questions feel free to PM me. I have returned with new talent to be showcased next week! All in all these last few months have been good to me.
