If asked about sexual history in legitimate relationship

My first post, with some fear, not knowing if it's right to post here, or if this has been discussed considerably.

I'm middle-aged, and the only sex I've had has been paid-for. Now I have a "real-life" relationship that may be getting to the sexual stage, and the woman may ask about my sexual history. She knew me as a shy teen, and I've told her I pretty much haven't been in a serious relationship. I'm thinking of keeping it pretty much truthful with a spin: "I have experience, but nothing as meaningful as it would be with you" or "not with anyone I've cared about." If she asks to know more, I could say "one-night stands way back when," but I don't know if that will satisfy her.

A more open response would be: "I've needed a sexual outlet, and I've found it with lap dances at strip clubs, but occasionally it's led to more." I know that different women would take these replies differently. She has a lot of sexual history. So any thoughts?

I think the way you are thinking of putting it is great(the first example! lol) =>

have a wonderful time,
Safire Sweet

Don't tell the truth. Make it as ambiguous as possible. It's really none of her business and who would ask something like that anyway? You were single and not attached while you're doing this so you were free to do whatever you want. But remember???the majority of people out there can be judgemental. If I were you, I would say,"I've never been in nothing serious....was looking for a relationship but nothing really worked out unfortunately. How about you?" And leave it at that.

Just tell her 3 other people. Thats a good number. It means your not a manwhore, nor a rookie. And since she has a big sexual history it will make her feel like a whore if she told you about the 50+ she has been with and she will not ask anymore. She will shut up.

Just last weekend the guy I met asked me when the last time I had sex. I told him December 2010. Haha, it was just like the weekend before with another guy I met, so whatever. Why not lie? I sure as hell wouldnt tell the truth, its none of their business.

She probably trying to feel out how many you have because she doesnt want to tell you a number higher than yours lol

Lie out your ass is my humble advice. If you fess up the questions will never stop and be thrown in your face forever. Plus it is something she then has an upper hand to hold over you forever. Just say you have had a few bar pickups/casual sex, never about any paid encounters Do I sound bitter?

Chella's last line is probably very close to the truth. Shes gauging the sluttiness factor.

Uhh yeh chica, I told the guy December after he told me January. HELLO! guys, us ladies lie our asses off so we dont appear to be a bigger whore than you lol

I think Sam's right; it's none of her business. "Some 'one night stands' ", "don't know how many", should suffice. Anything further than that and you can always use the "you go first" tactic.

Good rule of thumb... " Less is more " To much elaboration can come back to bite you on the ass. Give her the old ' a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell ' you want her to think you are a class act, right? One more thing... some women don't take too well to the fact that you saw " whores " at all. Don't really understand that rationale cuz it's all paid for one way or another.

I'm middle-aged, and the only sex I've had has been paid-for. Originally Posted by dune975

That's just about any man who has had sex!!!

I'm thinking of keeping it pretty much truthful with a spin: "I have experience, but nothing as meaningful as it would be with you" or "not with anyone I've cared about." If she asks to know more, I could say "one-night stands way back when," but I don't know if that will satisfy her. Originally Posted by dune975

Never tell anyone you are going to be serious with that you've had one night stands...How about a couple of meaningful relationships and we talked about marriage and a couple of shorter relationships that were off and on.

A more open response would be: "I've needed a sexual outlet, and I've found it with lap dances at strip clubs, but occasionally it's led to more." Originally Posted by dune975

HELL TO THE NO!! The more inexperienced you seem the better!

Be as vague as possible and never tell them you were in the hobby. I always live by, "if you weren't there to witness it yourself, It never happened!. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...........always.

Its a no-win situation. Just shut-up about the entire hobby thing with her. Trust me on this matter!

Ike and Darth, my friends, you speak the truth! Women who are not IN the hobby have a very low tolerance or understanding for men who ARE in the hobby.

Dune, you have some heavy horsepower here all telling you the same thing. I hope you are listening, Sir!

Just say with an absolute straight face "Mostly hookers and strippers." She won't believe you. She'll laugh nervously. Laugh with her. Don't say anything else.
Then, if she ever does find out, you can say "well I told you that."

If you consider this relationship to have real potential, I believe that you are building a foundation with all of the stability of quicksand, should you decide to outright lie about the matter. Telling the truth with ambiguity is another story. You could say, for example, that "I consider this relationship to have real potential and my history, in terms of romantic liaisons, can accurately be described as 'ancient.' If she presses you, you can always say sincerely that "your past does not concern me. I will be very straight with you about just about anything, but, in this case, a gentleman would, out of pride, only admit to the fact that we are talking about a 'drought of historic proportion.'" Interjecting a degree of self-deprecating humor into the conversation will defuse it somewhat. You could even volunteer, assuming that you are confident of the outcome, to provide her a copy of STD testing results. Draw the line by saying simply that "I will not go into details about the number of sexual encounters or their chronology in my life."

It would be a mistake to admit anything. Many people do not agree with the hobby, nor do they understand the reasoning. They will perceive you as an untrustworthy individual who has low character moral. Leave the past to rest... if others cannot accept this, then maybe it is time to move on.

TELL THE TRUTH. You don't need to be in a relationship with a prudish hooker-hater anyhow. Any middle-aged woman who has to be lied to and coddled about the realities of the world is not someone who can be depended on as a companion.