...and leave my intellect behind me for now on.
I been called a faggot numerous times because people claim I sound "white" whatever that means. I am a fun person, but no one wants to see me like that. Instead, they want me to be a TuPac so that they can look up to me.
They want me running around with tattoos on me and look like TuPac or the basketball players you see now that came after Michael Jordan.
I have not gained respect from the peers in community college because they refer to me as an "gay black male" because I don't use ebonics.
I am also starting to feel that's the only way I could succeed in life, is to act like a thug and then what happens,
I get respect from my male peers.
I would end up being a intimidating person.
I probably end up with girls who are either from the poor areas or some young girls who want me to be a rapper.
I probably end up behind bars.
I don't get it. Am I cursed to live my fathers destiny and join the military? Do I need to buy baggy clothing and wear gangster stuff just to fit in with the crowd (in other words, be the true black person I am?)
What is wrong with the way I dress? What's the matter with me?
Is it my family's background?
Is it because I am a artist and not a musician, football player, business man?
Can someone help me out here?
Edit: I am trying to hang out with this circle who are video gamers. Me being in my early 30's, I want to still feel young and keep doing what I am doing. I don't want to be another 30 something that has a boring life and just have nothing fun to do with my life.