A Christmas Story - ECCIE Worldwide

'Twas the night before Christmas and dating was lean.
So I went to my 'puter and checked out the screen.
Providers' ads were posted on the internet with care.
In hopes that the Benjamins soon would be there.

My neighbors were nestled all snug in their bed.
While visions of Double D's danced in my head.
A mami in her nightie my hand in my lap,
Would I just settle for an x-rated app?

Then out of Houston an ad "She's good, but I'm better."
Which would have been great, if she weren't 80 pounds fatter.
Away to my mouse, and she was gone in a flash
But pop ups came, would my 'puter crash?

Soon, I would see a breast on the page, so
I gave in to the lust of my regions below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature waist and a sweet-faced dear.

With my little old burner, I dialed lively and quick.
I hoped within the hour she'd be stroking my dick.
Rapidly she answered, which was her fame.
I told her my desires and my Eccie name.

"I once was a Dancer, but now I'm a Vixen.
C'mon over sweetie, if your member needs fixin'."
To the shower, to the soap, shampoo and all.
I cleaned up quick to dash away, dash away y'all!

And then in a twinkling, I heard on my cell,
A ringtone that came from my personal hell.
I answered my ex, and my mood turned around.
My check had bounced to the alimony hell-hound.

With no excuse, I hung up and continued to fly
To the beautiful lady, bow to no obstacle I.
I called my Vixen, as her street came around.
She gave me the room number to which I was bound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her feet.
Her clothes couldn't hide some curves that were sweet.
A bundle of toys I saw as she laid on her back.
I struggled to remove my trusty condom pack.

Her eyes- how they twinkled, her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, and she tasted like cherry.
Her little mouth puckered up like a bow.
As I dropped my shorts real fast, not slow.

In stormed a pimp, crack pipe in his teeth!
And smoke encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and tats on his belly.
Then when he spoke, he reminded me of Nelly!

He wasn't mad or upset, he was just being himself.
I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
A quick wink of his eye and I gave him the money.
He said "Thanks homes, now have fun with this honey."

He left out the door, to him this was work.
She pulled out a condom and gave me a jerk.
And laying legs open, you know how it goes.
She gave me a kiss and junior soon rose.

He sprang to his task, my balls started to slap.
Away flew fear, I focused on her pretty gap.
And then I exclaimed, as I finished my plight.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

(Disclaimer: All meant in fun, no disrespect to the season or the original author. If fact, I tried to be as true to the original poem as possible)