While It's Still St. Patrick's Day ...

Seamus O'Brien walked into the tavern and up to the bar. McCarthy, the barman, checked out Seamus's fat lip and black eye. "Oh, Seamus," he said, "sure an' your face looks a fright. Have you been fighting with the missus again?"

"Yes," replied Seamus, "that I have."

"Well, how did you do this time?"

Proudly, Seamus said, "I'm tellin' you, McCarthy, she came to me on her hands and knees."

McCarthy was impressed. "Faith, that ended better for you than usual. An' what did she say?"

Seamus looked a bit abashed. "Well, she says to me, she says, 'Seamus, you bloody coward, come out from under that bed right now!' "

Paddy walked into the pub with a gash across his foehead, an eye swollen shut, couple of teeth knocked out, ear half ripped off. The barman says, "Paddy, you look like the Wrath, you been in a fight?"
"Aye" says Paddy, "'twas Saemus, he fairly thrashed me with a shovel."
And the barman asks Paddy,"Did you have nothing in your hand?"
and Paddy says, "Why, yes, I has Seamus' wife's left titty in me hand, beautiful a thing as it is, not much good in a fight."

P_V, that's a good one, of course. I'm thinking you and King MoMo must have heard the same joke.