Topping from the Bottom

In my opinion, this is one of THE silliest and moronic things that anyone can ever say.

First off, if as the dominant, your personality and dominance are so fragile that they can be manipulated and overpowered by the submissive, then I think that dominant needs to be the one kneeling and wear the collar.

Dominance comes from many places. But one of the key aspects of it is self-confidence and the ability to project that. There are very strong submissives out there who will just run all over a weak dominant. And those dominants have no business trying to exert any sort of power or control over a submissive of that type.

It's been a pet peeve of mine for a very long time to hear so-called dominants who fall apart when the submissive suggests something, or asks for some particluar type of play.. "you ruined the scene for me! wah!"....

If you, as a dominant, are so weak as to feel broken or threatened by a submissive, then you really should not claim the mantle of dominance. As the dominant, it is your responsibility alone to project the proper power and control over your submissive. If you can't do that... then you are wasting your time and theirs.

In reality there is no such thing as topping from the bottom. That just can't happen to real dominants. Requests, demands, begging, etc, for something specific by the submissive should be easily ignored if you are truly dominant. Any dominant who is influenced, let along manipulated or controlled by the bottom clearly is not.

I'm laughing. These are good points. Always.

Elisabeth

YOU STATED THAT WELL..

I would think that topping from the bottom comes from fact that it is the sub that actually has the power. What I mean by that is that they are the ones that draw the lines in the sand and let the top know what is okay and what isn't. In a healthy power exchange each party should know the others boundaries ahead of time, so that no one ever is in a position they don't want to be and no one is ever really hurt.

Now it depends how deep you are into the S/M world. So if it's just light weight then, maybe there can be some flexibility in those areas...but if you are are into, blood sports, or electricity, for example ...then yes, I would think that it is necessary for the sub to be able to set limits or there could be a problem. As with real corporal punishment, injuries can happen if the top is not experienced...even a flogging could go wrong

In a public setting such as a dungeon, it is absolutely necessary for the sub to communicate clearly the boundaries before play begins, as the adrenalin involved, can cloud judgement during play.

However, I often find that after one knows that the top is a good top and knows what their doing, then the fun for both comes from the total acquiescence of the sub, trusting that dom with their life... I know I'm opinionated, but I believe that to be the true s/m experience and what a power exchange is really about...

@ Kristen - In a RACK or SSC BDSM relationship, the submissive always has the ultimate power - they just have to say 'no' and it's over. In reality, in all lifestyle relationships each party has equal power... though there are occassions when people let the fantasy of being mistress or slave go to their heads and they forget that no matter how 'real' it is, society and our laws say otherwise.

Topping from the bottom, in this instance at least, is simply meant to refer to the fragility of some dominants in their power in the relationship. If they submissive suggests or asks, or even demands, the top to do something, they get labeled as topping from the bottom and the dominant typically terminates the session and/or the relationship.

What you are referring to IS something that is important when you are playing with someone. The bottom does need to be able to communicate when they are experiencing levels of stress and/or pain that are in excess of what they can take, or when they are experiencing real physical and emotional pain (such as a pinched nerve, or going to a place mentally that is very bad for them). That's not really topping from the bottom - it's simply alerting your dominant that you are in distress and need to change or stop what you are doing. It's shocking to me (and I've been around this for a couple of decades now) how many people STILL don't get that, or worse, they get upset when they have to stop.

And I think you are absolutely right - once the top has earned the bottom's trust with their skills and respect of the bottom, it IS a much more rewarding experience when as the bottom you can let go and not have to worry about keeping an eye on your top. It's a very good opinion to have.. in my opinion!

I agree with Kristen on this. Communication is VERY important! Being a Pro Domme does not mean that I can do anything I want to someone that comes to Me for a session. I'm not going to ballbust just because I want to. That has to be what the sub asks for. If someone comes to Me for a specific fetish, then that is what he/she will get, and their limits will be pushed as far as I please with a safe word in place of course.