A TRIP TO ITALY
--- A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to
end her life by throwing herself into the ocean,
But just before she could throw herself from the docks,
a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor,
and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship.
I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always
wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small
but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches,
a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain
during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied.
"He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
- Katarinex
- 06-15-2011, 05:52 PM
- cabletex7
- 06-15-2011, 06:09 PM
Another travel joke . . .
American tourist in Spain stops of at a restaurant. While trying to decide what to order, he hears a sizzling plate being served to a nearby table. The stuff looks and smells great. He asks the waiter about it.
"It's a local delicacy - bull testicles. Fresh from this morning's bull fight."
Tourist decides to place an order but, unfortunately, there is only one bull killed each day and therefore only one serving per day.
"But if you come in earlier tomorrow, I'll make sure you get some."
Tourist returns and is in luck. Places his order. Waiter brings it out and it smells and looks as good as it did yesterday. He digs in.
A few minutes later the waiter stops by.
"How is it?"
"Amazingly delicious. But I'm curious, why are these much smaller than yesterday's?"
"Sometimes the bull wins."
American tourist in Spain stops of at a restaurant. While trying to decide what to order, he hears a sizzling plate being served to a nearby table. The stuff looks and smells great. He asks the waiter about it.
"It's a local delicacy - bull testicles. Fresh from this morning's bull fight."
Tourist decides to place an order but, unfortunately, there is only one bull killed each day and therefore only one serving per day.
"But if you come in earlier tomorrow, I'll make sure you get some."
Tourist returns and is in luck. Places his order. Waiter brings it out and it smells and looks as good as it did yesterday. He digs in.
A few minutes later the waiter stops by.
"How is it?"
"Amazingly delicious. But I'm curious, why are these much smaller than yesterday's?"
"Sometimes the bull wins."
- Hot to Trot Daphne
- 06-15-2011, 07:19 PM
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next
to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her
about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual
statistics. It identifies that American Indialns have the longest
average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the
way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
Kowalski, nice to meet you."
to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her
about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual
statistics. It identifies that American Indialns have the longest
average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the
way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
Kowalski, nice to meet you."
- Katarinex
- 06-16-2011, 05:27 PM
He He those are good!
- Guest030617
- 06-17-2011, 10:09 AM
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"
Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.