If Men Wrote "Dear Abby" Column

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing...your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

I spit out my drink reading the last one.

Thanks SNL!!

SNL would you give me oral sex and I'll even bring two Mickey D's Happy meals.

SNL would you give me oral sex and I'll even bring two Mickey D's Happy meals. Originally Posted by ccrider

cc, after SNL gives you a bbbj-cim-nqns and then looks around to find if she missed any. THEN when she finishes with you, you will crawl to the car to go get her anything she want - veggie pizza, sushi, whatever. . . -- and be happy to do so.

❤ LOL =) Funny! ❤

cc, after SNL gives you a bbbj-cim-nqns and then looks around to find if she missed any. THEN when she finishes with you, you will crawl to the car to go get her anything she want - veggie pizza, sushi, whatever. . . -- and be happy to do so. Originally Posted by arklookn4lovn

Have to order in, don't think I could make it to my car. Then need to
worry about the safety of the delivery boy.

...you will crawl to the car to go get her anything she want - veggie pizza, sushi, whatever. . . -- and be happy to do so. Originally Posted by arklookn4lovn

That idea sounds much more reasonable. It's enough hard work just being sexy. You guys can't expect us to be making nice meals, too.

Roll up the pant legs, too late to save the shoes!

You guys/gals would make interesting poker bluffs!