dirty joke

Dirty Joke of the Day

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and he sees another man on the 1st floor.

He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"

The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

My favorite Irish joke:

Paddy and Mick were getting drunk in a pub. Paddy goes and throws up all down the front of his shirt.

"Oh Jesus, Mary’s gonna kill me."

Mick says, "Paddy, here's whatcha gotta do...

…before you get home, put 20-quid in your top pocket and tell Mary that it wasn't your fault. Tell her it was Mick who threw up on your shirt and he den gave you 20-quid as an apology. Dat’ll work"

"Great," says Paddy.

So when he gets home Mary's waiting at the door and she's fuming...

"B-b-before you start, my love, I can explain the mess..." says Paddy.

"I was about to come home and Mick threw up on my shirt. He gave me this 20-quid as a way of saying sorry."

"Fine, I guess," says Mary, a little less fuming. "What's the other 20-quid in the pocket there for?"

"Oh that. That’s cos he shit in my pants, too."

LOL good one!

Two guys go to the bar Friday night and get incredibly drunk. They leave separately and don't see each other until Monday morning.

"Damn, I drank too much Friday night." Dave says. "When I came home I blew chunks."

"You think that's bad?" Fred replies. "I drove home and passed out when I pulled into my neighborhood. When I came to, I had totaled the car when I ran it into the side of the house and parked it in the living room. The cops came and hauled me away for drunk driving. When I called my wife to post bond, she told me she was tired of my drinking, that she was moving away with her boss, and that she was going to divorce me. She laughed before she hung up, telling me I could keep the house and the car. I could not make another call until the next day. That night, several big guys decided I would make a good girlfriend, and my ass feels like the Lincoln Tunnel. I had to call my parents the next day, and they said they would post bail, but they were cutting me off and disowning me for the shame I put on the family. All because of our wild night of drinking."

Dave replied, "I don't think you understand what I said: Chunks is my dog!"

Bahaha thanks for the laughs

Lol