It's time for a Joke

There were 2 guys who walked the beach together checking out all the girls sunbathing and getting tans.Every time the bigger guy walked by,the girls would go" Oh my " and "Wow " and "mmm'. The little guy asked him what his secret was and he answered "simple,I put rocks in my shorts". Next day little man walked across the beach and the girls went " oooh", " gross " "get out of here ". Later on he told big guy that he did the same thing as he did but got a different reaction. Big guy than replied " your suppose to put the rocks in the front ".

So.... When's the joke?

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”

The man decides to try it and dresses up in his best God costume. At 8 o’clock, he sees the nun and appears before her.

“Oh, god!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!”

The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud anal sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”

“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

Nice thread gents!

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase??


"You Gotta Be Shittin Me?”

Well, it just so happens that it is said to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, courageously continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit, and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops diligently searched trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters .'
And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me. '

Employee gets taken to Asian restaurant by boss. Casually mentions that he can speak Chinese. Boss insists he order in Chinese, which he does. The waitress turns bright shade of red and tells them to get the fuck out of her restaurant.

Back in the car, the boss gloats that he really couldn't speak Chinese. The employee tells him they will never eat at that Vietnamese restaurant again.