The Old Golfer and the Beautiful Blonde

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and headsinto the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees asign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive blonde, buxom bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir, I sure am." The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good because I want a cheeseburger."

Sweet N Little's Avatar
good one BB!!!!


Well- it we are on to golf jokes...

Suzy decides to surprise her husband by taking golf lessons. They live in a club community and she goes to talk with the pro. he gets her fixed up with basic equipment and they go out to the practice tee. "I want to surprise Bob by learning to play. I can take my lessons while he is out of town on business and maybe in a few months, I can join him on the course." The pro agrees and they begin. He shows here the basics of grip and stance and she practices daily.

At the second lesson she is beginning to actually connect, but she is spraying balls left and right and has no accuracy at all. the pro watches for a minute or two and then says "Ok Suzy, I think I see the problem. Your grip is way to tight. Normally we talk about pressure as if you were holding a live bird or a tube of toothpaste- but I know you and Bob well enough to be a little more creative. I have to make a quick phone call. Meanwhile I want you to concentrate on holding that club exactly the way you would hold Bob's cock so that it felt just right to him."

Suzy keeps practicing and the pro goes to make his call. When he comes back he can see that she is now hitting the ball straight, but only a few feet and that Suzy is very frustrated. "No problem" the pro says. "We can take care of this."
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"First of all, take the club out of your mouth..."
A husband takes his wife to play her first round of golf.

The wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A man's voice said, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done. Glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?”

“Uh, yeah, sir.. We’re sure sorry about that,” the husband replied.

“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes.. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”

“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!”

“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.

“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.

“Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!”

“Now,” the couple asked in unison, “What’s your wish, genie?”

“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”

The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”

“You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband. “I’d do the same for you!”

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way.. After about three hours of non-stop hay rolling, the genie rolled over and looked directly into
her eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

“Why, we’re both 45,” she responded breathlessly.

"It's really funny that you're both 45 years old, yet you still believe in genies."