I used to pray to God for a bike. One day I realized he did not work that way so I stole one and asked Him for forgiveness.
I was walking down the street and saw my Arab neighbor, Ahmed, on his 2nd floor balcony shaking a carpet. I called up to him: "Whats the matter Ahmed? Won't it start?"
Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage.
Marriage is the price that men have to pay for sex.
Getting married is like getting into a bathtub.
Once you get used to it, it isn't so hot.
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to me: don't and stop. Unless they are used together.
A tight dress is like a barbed wire fence: It protects the premises without restricting the view.
Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
Her job is to bitch....mine is to give her a reason.