A Perfect Day for a Woman vs. A Perfect Day for a Man

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs..

1:00 Shopping with friends.

3:00 Nap.

4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage

5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00 Hot shower. Alone.

10:30 Make love.

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.


PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:

6:00 Alarm.

6:15 Blowjob.

6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.

7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.

7:30 Limo arrives.

7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.

8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.

9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.

11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.

12:15 Blowjob.

12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.

2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay Martinis.

2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.

4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.

5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00 Watch ESPN Sportscenter

7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip.

9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45 Go to bed.

11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.

11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.



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You know Capitan, you're never gonna get to your goal of 100 if you keep writing all this funny shit.

You know Capitan, you're never gonna get to your goal of 100 if you keep writing all this funny shit. Originally Posted by single1

Yea the more I think about it I think I set my goal a little higher than I should have. I guess I will just have to cram in several of those overnight trips to Nuevo Laredo and bang about 4 different ones a night. If one wants to spend the night. "Lo siento mi amor, me falta como 92 reportes y usted vale uno nada mas."

You will have trouble at the home base if you keep posting this kind of stuff where they can read it. It should go in the Locker Room, oh I forgot they read that too.