How to get and give a reference - yes I KNOW this has been discussed

I know this has been discussed, but it appears it needs to be re-visited.

In the past week alone, I have had three requests for references providing me with no information aside from an ECCIE board handle.

Gentlemen, I know this is going to break your hearts, but if I cannot connect your board handle to a living, breathing, human being, who has actually walked through my door, played appropriately, and left without any problems, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A REFERENCE.

I don't care if you reviewed me. That means you enjoyed yourself. It does not mean I didn't rush to my phone and computer after you left to block you from ever contacting me again. I don't care how many times I have seen you. If you have never told me what your board handle is while meeting in person, then your handle and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee anywhere but Starbucks.

If you want a refererence provide the lady you are about to see with the SAME information you gave me, ie your name, email addy, phone number, and board handle if applicable. Also tell her approximately when you saw me last, and for shits n grins, include some tidbit that will act as a memory cue so that I know who, precisely, I am referencing. I am very reference friendly, and I take giving a reference very seriously. I will not give a reference unless I am certain of who I am talking about. When it takes 5 or 6 emails back and forth between myself and the lady you are trying to see, I give up after the second or third try. Clearly, getting that reference isn't that important to you if you can't provide enough information to make it an easy and smooth process.

There. I feel ever so much better. Rant over/

It's to bad you gals are so frickin paranoid here in KC, I've hobbied in several other cities and have never seen anything like this one, I don't know if it's a reflection on the general culture in KC or just a lot of LE pressure but either way, I hate this place, it's just one big pain in the ass. I know many visiting gals don't like this place either but unsure of the reasons...

agreed! there has to be a way to make this a painless process for everyone

Dondo - so I should say "Yeah sure I've seen him" regardless of whether I have any clue who I'm talking about or not?

I'm speaking of guys giving half assed information, and expecting providers to be both psychic enough to magically know who the living, breathing person is behind a board handle without ever actually SAYING "hey there, I'm Fuckalottahookers from ECCIE" when meeting in person, AND expecting us to have amazing memories that will allow us to remember the details of a meeting that took place a year ago.

I don't mind giving references, but this week I've had to do multiple emails back and forth and back and forth between fellow providers who are trying to get references out of half assed information. Should I just not worry and let them walk into a situation that may be dangerous because I can't be bothered to double check and make sure I"m referencing someone I have actually seen AND had no problems with.

I only give and send out reference request by email only, so that the provider or i can supply the information to prove we are real providers and so the woman can have enough time to recall the client i need a reference for.

Most go like this

Hi _____________________,

My name is _____________________ (TER, p411, eccie etc info here) and a friend of yours by the name of ______________________ contacted me with you as a reference. It would be very much appreciated if you could provide some info that will help me determine if we will be compatible. Here is some info to help you easily recall _______:

1. full name
2. email address
3. site handle
4. a short tidbit about your last session with ____________ to help you remember him better.

IF you feel that there is any info about him that would be important to share? Was he clean, safe and on time?

Thank you your help is much appreciated

signed

_______________
(website, ter id, p411 etc.)




Simple but has all the information the provider would need, i think. It works well with me.

Dondo - so I should say "Yeah sure I've seen him" regardless of whether I have any clue who I'm talking about or not?

I'm speaking of guys giving half assed information, and expecting providers to be both psychic enough to magically know who the living, breathing person is behind a board handle without ever actually SAYING "hey there, I'm Fuckalottahookers from ECCIE" when meeting in person, AND expecting us to have amazing memories that will allow us to remember the details of a meeting that took place a year ago.

I don't mind giving references, but this week I've had to do multiple emails back and forth and back and forth between fellow providers who are trying to get references out of half assed information. Should I just not worry and let them walk into a situation that may be dangerous because I can't be bothered to double check and make sure I"m referencing someone I have actually seen AND had no problems with. Originally Posted by SinsOfTheFlesh

Yes you never know if it is really a provider looking for info and not LE or a spouse unless they can provide their info so we don't have to look them up and determine for ourselves that they are legit.

Ladies are paranoid wherever you go, its just not in KC and we have every reason to be paranoid. Tell ya what, you pay all my future legal bills and take care of my bills the rest of my life and then I won't have to screen as thorough as I do. Because then I have nothing to lose if I get busted.

If touring ladies say they hate KC its for numerous reasons none of which have to do with this thread.

The references/screening process is only as hard as the client and provider make it. I won't ask for a reference if the client hasn't given me the proper info and if he uses only BP girls as references, you're not getting in my door. Once the client gives me all the info I feel is necessary to go ask for that reference, then I do so.

As I said, people follow the rules and communicate properly, there should be no problems. But, I realize that's a fantasy.

It's to bad you gals are so frickin paranoid here in KC, I've hobbied in several other cities and have never seen anything like this one, I don't know if it's a reflection on the general culture in KC or just a lot of LE pressure but either way, I hate this place, it's just one big pain in the ass. I know many visiting gals don't like this place either but unsure of the reasons... Originally Posted by Dondo7

I've never heard of any visiting girls complaining about KC. In fact, we get A LOT of visiting girls that come back to this area frequently.
I'm sorry you don't like it, but I LOVE it here. I wouldn't trade these gents or providers for any others.

dondo do you have a 411...or date check....If not i dont get why guys dont just invest the $80-$100 a yr...to do this....
To me ladies if a guy wont spend the money for this...then typically they will be on the cheap with everything else

You can either afford to do this or you cant

I have a 411 and never have any problems getting verified and a date....i just dont get it

Howz that hard!!
The girls have to protect themselves!

BD,

Sometimes its not a matter of spending the money though. I know a lot of guys who won't use it for the simple fact that they don't want to give up their real info. Which is fine, its their choice. But, don't come bitchin at us when we won't see you because of that reason.

BD,

Sometimes its not a matter of spending the money though. I know a lot of guys who won't use it for the simple fact that they don't want to give up their real info. Which is fine, its their choice. But, don't come bitchin at us when we won't see you because of that reason. Originally Posted by MsElena

Agreed but then who's paranoid...Now its right back on the guy...he doesnt want to give up any info....but he wants you to be lax in getting verified or providing references...thats paranoid!!

I have no worries about 411....the cops come knockin doesnt concern me at all!!

It's to bad you gals are so frickin paranoid here in KC, I've hobbied in several other cities and have never seen anything like this one, I don't know if it's a reflection on the general culture in KC or just a lot of LE pressure but either way, I hate this place, it's just one big pain in the ass. I know many visiting gals don't like this place either but unsure of the reasons... Originally Posted by Dondo7

I'm not a provider(obviously)but after what you just posted I would not even consider seeing you and what you say about other cities is crap...imo..you know the visiting girls don't like kc but you don't know why is like saying she's pregnant but you don't know why..

Maybe you are used to sw...they don't usually need refrences..

agreed! there has to be a way to make this a painless process for everyone Originally Posted by Angel in KC

It's is painless when both sides cooperate..

Be safe

I'm not a provider(obviously)but after what you just posted I would not even consider seeing you and what you say about other cities is crap...imo..you know the visiting girls don't like kc but you don't know why is like saying she's pregnant but you don't know why..

Maybe you are used to sw...they don't usually need refrences.. Originally Posted by malwoody

Well, I spent 5 years in Denver and never had an issue...just pick up the phone and play time nor did these type discussions ever come up on TOB which is pretty much the main board in Denver. My time in Miami was well before any of this online stuff and never had an issue down there..I've never been with a SW and don't have that desire.

As far as P411, at one time I had basic plus 3 though 2 OK's were several years old and 1 was recent...well, that wasn't good enough for several providers here in KC...they were still paranoid because of the old OK's and I confirmed this was the reason with the P411 admin gals, so I got pissed and cancelled the account. I now have a new one and +1 but really haven't used it much.

I don't know, it might just be me and KC...bad vibes

For the record, it isn't paranoia if they're really after you.